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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 8th 2013 new

Dear Marita,

The quote that was often spoken to me in the middle of this discernment process of consecrated life versus married life is that 'our God is a God of joy'. There is a great sense of peace in moving toward the direction that God is calling you, and if He is calling you to be consecrated to Him, then that will be the joy of your heart.

The reason that some might be directing you toward the convent is that they see your desire for God and think (somewhat erroneously!) that those who are called to consecration somehow manifest it by a disciplined and devotional faith life. I think it might be a compliment in disguise, as it bespeaks that you have your 'spiritual house' in order for marriage.

Finally, while it seems that we can (and do) refuse God's will, I think that if you're really seeking Him, He will not let you go astray. He's good like that. :)

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Feb 9th 2013 new

What a beautiful story!

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Feb 9th 2013 new

Marita, it is more normal than you think. I don't want to do what God the Father really wants either. Even Jesus put his ultimate fait in His Fathers hands. Before He was betrayed, remember? You have to pray about it to the Father. With all the faith you can muster. Then whatever happens go from there knowing your Father in heaven is with you. What would it matter if you convince yourself that a husband is for you without trully praying for him. You might end up in a terrible situation. We men can look good after a shower and wearing a suit. We don't look like that 24hrs. Some of us can be outright mean. I only tell you this because you are young and trully have a chance at a good marriage. Why do you think that being a nun might be your calling? If a regular life was for you, 9 to 10 being a nun wouldn't even register. Maybe the Holy Spirit is calling you.

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Mar 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: I haven't read most of the responses in this topic, so I can't comment on what ot...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

I haven't read most of the responses in this topic, so I can't comment on what others have said to you. Reading the above post I can't tell if you are being overly scrupulous about the discernment process or if your conscience is trying to tell you to be more serious about it. Unfortunately, no one participating in a discussion in an Internet forum is in a position to judge whether you have discerned "enough"; this is something you need to be discussing with your spiritual director. If you don't have a spiritual director, the next step should be to find one who is experienced in helping people discern religious vocations. Trying to discern your vocation without one is like trying to learn to drive without an instructor -- while blindfolded.

My advice would be that since you have a strong desire toward marriage, that it would make sense not to be dating, or even flirting with dating (i.e., checking guys out), while you are in discernment, as this may obscure whatever message God may be trying to send you. (If you're listening for a weak signal on a radio, you don't want to have a loud stereo blaring in the background with your favorite music...). Have you been in contact with any religious orders or been on any retreats or exploratory visits with an order?


overly scrupulous, probably, or at least that is what I hope. It's terrible to say that I want marriage while I am praying about it, but that is how I feel. I want to get married or at least be given the opportunity and HOPE through singlehood.

--hide--

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Mar 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said:
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

--hide--


I'm probably being overly "scrupulous" as you put it or at least that is what I hope it is. I get anxiety about a lot of things, so this is probably just a new one. I want to be married and the thought of the nunnery makes me cry though I haven't prayed "hard enough" or really sat down with someone other than a few minutes in the confessional. I love God and want to do His will, but I want to be married, too. sad

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Mar 13th 2013 new

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Tara. I try to say an Our Father every day, and I occasionally talk to God about it as in a real dialogue. I tell him how I am feeling towards things. I am going to work on trying to be open to His will. It is hard when you have wanted and EXPECTED something for SOOO long. It does sound like I am going through what your sister went through.

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Mar 13th 2013 new
(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I'm probably being overly "scrupulous" as you put it or at least that is wha...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:




I'm probably being overly "scrupulous" as you put it or at least that is what I hope it is. I get anxiety about a lot of things, so this is probably just a new one. I want to be married and the thought of the nunnery makes me cry though I haven't prayed "hard enough" or really sat down with someone other than a few minutes in the confessional. I love God and want to do His will, but I want to be married, too.

--hide--


Marita, you have my prayers as you discern your vocation. hug rosary theheart rosary hug
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Mar 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: Thanks for the words of encouragement, Tara. I try to say an Our Father every day, and I occasio...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Tara. I try to say an Our Father every day, and I occasionally talk to God about it as in a real dialogue. I tell him how I am feeling towards things. I am going to work on trying to be open to His will. It is hard when you have wanted and EXPECTED something for SOOO long. It does sound like I am going through what your sister went through.

--hide--


I wouldn't really know what a calling looks like or feels like anyway.

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Mar 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: I wouldn't really know what a calling looks like or feels like anyway.
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:


I wouldn't really know what a calling looks like or feels like anyway.

--hide--


Not talking to you, Tara. Let me put this more charitably. I apologize. I don't know what a calling is. People say they were called to the religious life. How did they know? Was it an "inner peace" in their hearts? A thought in their minds that said "You should be a nun" recurring many times? WANTING to be a nun or religious person? Perhaps if I knew what a calling was, I would be able to see if God would be calling me towards a religious vocation.

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Mar 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Marita-847688 said: Not talking to you, Tara. Let me put this more charitably. I apologize. I don't know what a ...
(Quote) Marita-847688 said:

Not talking to you, Tara. Let me put this more charitably. I apologize. I don't know what a calling is. People say they were called to the religious life. How did they know? Was it an "inner peace" in their hearts? A thought in their minds that said "You should be a nun" recurring many times? WANTING to be a nun or religious person? Perhaps if I knew what a calling was, I would be able to see if God would be calling me towards a religious vocation.

--hide--

A desire for a particular state in life is one of the big clues to your vocation. If you desire being married and everything that entails (life-long commitment, raising children, etc.), that's one sign that you are called to marriage. I think also that your vocation would feel "natural" to you. I would say that if the thought of being a nun makes you want to cry, that's a sign that most likely you are not called to that vocation. It's one thing to be apprehensive but quite another to feel an aversion to a vocation.

You can google discerning a vocation to religious life - there are lots of good websites that will tell you how other people knew and what to look for.

I also read a pretty good book on the subject a while back - The Exclamation: The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage by Patricia Wrona. It has a section where it talks about discerning your vocation in general (although this is not the focus of the book).

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