I thought I should probably add a couple of things. And, bear with me I'm an archaeologist and we routinely write forty page papers unlike other more concise disciplines.
1. Since my husband's death, I have revisted the idea that perhaps I should seek a religious vocation, all of my children are grown so there is no impediment. But, I continue to feel absolutely no pull in that direction.
2. The single life as a widow is always a possibility and would fit the pattern of all the other women in my family who were widowed - none ever remarried. My mother, however, told me just days after Pete's death, you are young, you'll remarry. I was outraged that she would even suggest such a thing when no one else, herself included ever remarried. Several friends also brought up the possibility of remarriage and being good scientists had data to back up, that I would be more likely to remarry because I was very happy being married, being a wife --- and please don't think that means it was always easy or perfect and rosy because believe me, there were hard, barren times along the way as well.
3. I know that I am open to remarrying. Who I have no idea. But, I am sure God does. There is obviously more for me to do and the one thing I remain certain of, is that I have love to share and the abilities to share my life with another. And, as confusing and bewildering as that idea can be, having had a long and committed marriage. I know that God will provide whatever graces necessary to fulfill whatever He calls me to do and love whoever He brings into my world.
4. I have found, and the older I get, the easier this becomes -- sometimes :-). . .that when I am in doubt, or facing something I am fighting, if I fall back on the wisdom of the Church and the faith that God will provide whatever is necessary for me to accomplish the task He sets before me, even altering my own thoughts on the matter, and just trust in those two things, everything comes out as it should including changes in my own heart and thoughts. . . in fact. . . perhaps I should be embracing this practice more firmly right now as I have fought against this sudden widowhood with great pain and hurt and fury at its cruelty and inequity. Hmmm, I definitely should be taking my own advice here lol. . .didn't see that one coming, but thanks for posting this query. :-)