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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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01/18/2013 new

(Quote) Joe-660568 said: Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagin...
(Quote) Joe-660568 said:

Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagination, but in reality, there is a
necessary physical element that completes a relationship... so are people SERIOUS when they say they indicate that location doesn't matter? For example, it seems like transportation costs and travel time are forgotten about; that is, until the travel bill is $600 every time you meet the person. Then you have to plan weekends over a more squeezed schedule due to recovery from travel, etc. This, in turn, lessens the frequency of the
physical time spent together, etc. Sad, given the great pool of lovely, wholesome, and incredibly cute women on this site.

--hide--

My brother was in a LDR Virginia/Chicago. They are now married with 3 kids.

A former roommate was in a LDR Virginia/Ohio. They are now married.

A former classmate was in a LDR LA/SD. They are now married with one child the last I heard.

I was in a LDR VA/NC that ended for reasons unrelated to distance.

Yes, they can work. They have certain hurdles that are specific to the nature of the distance but these can be dealt with. When there is a will, there is a way. If you approach a LDR as an expense instead of an opportunity, it's probably not for you.

01/18/2013 new

Yes, they can work out, but you have to make the travel and the expense a priority. Unless you can drive, yes, it can cost 600 to 1000 dollars a visit.

If someone can't afford that, then they can't do an LDR.

One has to be honest about their situation.

You can economize, you can stay with her friends, and she can stay with your family, you can both drive and meet in a mutual location (but then there are two hotel rooms to pay for unless there are friends/relatives in that locale).

It is a challenge. You can't sustain it for long, so be pretty serious about deciding, one way or the other, after one or two meetings.

I did it for over 3 years, which was too long, and it cost me about $20,000 (and I was just 1/2 of the equation). Wow, that was alot of money, and I am still single.

Will you resent the expense if it does not work out?

If so, you should not do an LDR.

01/18/2013 new

I know I say this about everything, but it's so true...


It's about God's Will, folks! If God's fulfillment of your vocation to marriage lives far away from you, He has a neat way of facilitating the logistics.


Be open to God's Will, and let Him take the lead! He will bring it about, no matter your financial situation, job location, kids' schools, or even your personal preference.


Abandon yourself to God, knowing that He will take care of you!

01/18/2013 new

Maggie, I agree that God is the God of the circumstances as well, and if He wills it, then he will line up the circumstances.

But if the circumstances do not line up ($, job, place to stay, can't afford it), then I would discern from the circumstances that this particular LDR is not meant to be, at least not now.

01/18/2013 new

It's not just people who meet online who have to deal with LDR's. My son is engaged to a lovely young woman who he met in college. In the intervening years, they spent 3 years apart due to work and school. They were able to meet up about once a month. First, he was in Chicago, while she was in Cleveland. Then he moved to CA near her parents where she is now.

01/18/2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: It's not always a matter of willingness. For some there are family obligations or fin...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

It's not always a matter of willingness. For some there are family obligations or financial circumstances that make LDRs impractical or impossible.

--hide--

Exactly. I find that CM encourages LDRs to the point of guilting its members into going for them. The implication is that if you aren't 100% open to LDRs then you are denying God's will. For those able to make LDRs work that is wonderful and I am happy for them. But for others the logistics or finances do not work and their situations must be respected, too.

Instead of simply pushing LDRs CM needs to do more to increase membership so LDRs are not as necessary. Small ads on the back of Church bulletins and Google ad words/search results are not enough. I have seen Christian Mingle television ads but nothing on secular TV or radio from Catholic Match. Perhaps I missed them. When is Catholic Match going to get more aggressive and advertise more in secular media to drive membership?

01/18/2013 new
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: They work for people who are willing to make the commitment: www.catholicmatch.com.
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

They work for people who are willing to make the commitment:




www.catholicmatch.com

--hide--


I do agree .I believe its all in state of mind. There maybe one close but no commitment,then it will never happen or result to anything. Once commitment sets in then anything is possible. You may call me a dreamer but to me I believe it all happens for a reason .And as said more investment to it .But then you'll cherish and protect it more because you took more time to get to know the person more. Anything is possible with God's blessings. wink
01/18/2013 new

(Quote) Joe-660568 said: Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagin...
(Quote) Joe-660568 said:

Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagination, but in reality, there is a
necessary physical element that completes a relationship... so are people SERIOUS when they say they indicate that location doesn't matter? For example, it seems like transportation costs and travel time are forgotten about; that is, until the travel bill is $600 every time you meet the person. Then you have to plan weekends over a more squeezed schedule due to recovery from travel, etc. This, in turn, lessens the frequency of the
physical time spent together, etc. Sad, given the great pool of lovely, wholesome, and incredibly cute women on this site.

--hide--

Joe, I can see why you would wonder about it, because it does require adding some additional burdens to a dating relationship. But, I am one that thinks initially you should never discount someone because they are far away from you, at the very least you might decide they aren't right for you after some talking, or you could lose out on creating a great friendship that has no geographical boundaries. Of course, ultimately, you may find that relocation has to be discussed, or some other arrangement. Having said that, even in marriages there are often great distances between spouses. My husband was gone the first three weeks we were married working. He often worked away from home, or traveled long distances, we were sometimes away from each other more than we were together in the same physical sphere. It's all about the committment and making the best of the time you get to be with each other, and taking those moments to keep in touch, phone calls, letters, etc. When my husband was away from home, he would send the best cards home to me and those were the sweetest things to get, once he called me from the road and told me to turn on a particular radio station and he had asked them to dedicate a song to me. You have to keep them in the forefront of all you are doing and thinking while apart and make sure each one knows that. When he was home, it was Dad's home today, the kiddos didn't go to their friends, etc and we did things as a family. Not easy but it can be done. Lauren

01/18/2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-872788 said: Exactly. I find that CM encourages LDRs to the point of guilting its members ...
(Quote) Patrick-872788 said:

Exactly. I find that CM encourages LDRs to the point of guilting its members into going for them. The implication is that if you aren't 100% open to LDRs then you are denying God's will. For those able to make LDRs work that is wonderful and I am happy for them. But for others the logistics or finances do not work and their situations must be respected, too.

Instead of simply pushing LDRs CM needs to do more to increase membership so LDRs are not as necessary. Small ads on the back of Church bulletins and Google ad words/search results are not enough. I have seen Christian Mingle television ads but nothing on secular TV or radio from Catholic Match. Perhaps I missed them. When is Catholic Match going to get more aggressive and advertise more in secular media to drive membership?

--hide--


Just wondering how you think CM pushes LDR's.. I can say in my own case I am almost never contacted by anyone local.. They are on here, but silent.. How would you 'encourage' people to do diligence to the people in their local area first? I can give you an example from a few years ago.. There is a guy in Indy that has never contacted me, but he contacted a friend of mine down in Louisville who is no longer a paid member. She had no picture and a bare profile.. He certainly didn't try to contact everyone in this area. If he had I would've gotten a message and I could have responded to him. I think it's more fear than anything else.. There is safety in distance. People can pretend to be trying.

01/18/2013 new

(Quote) Joe-660568 said: Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagin...
(Quote) Joe-660568 said:

Can a long-distance relationship REALLY work out? We often begin relationships with a dreamy imagination, but in reality, there is a
necessary physical element that completes a relationship... so are people SERIOUS when they say they indicate that location doesn't matter? For example, it seems like transportation costs and travel time are forgotten about; that is, until the travel bill is $600 every time you meet the person. Then you have to plan weekends over a more squeezed schedule due to recovery from travel, etc. This, in turn, lessens the frequency of the
physical time spent together, etc. Sad, given the great pool of lovely, wholesome, and incredibly cute women on this site.

--hide--


I also am friends with several couples who met online as LDRs. I think it certainly requires a different approach to dating - it is true that all of these couples were in their upper 30s/40s and were specifically looking for a spouse, not a dating relationship. So for those who are not looking for a long term dating relationship but for a spouse, LDRs can work it seems. But are certainly challenges if the goal is to maintain a long distance dating relationship for an extended period of time - it would be costly. So I suppose it depends on what your goal is - if it's to date all the "lovely, wholesome, and incredibly cute women" on this site, that would probably be cost prohibitive. wink But if it's to get married, then you only need to date one such woman - hopefully a little less expensive. tongue

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