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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

01/26/2013 new

(Quote) Brian-699857 said: Yes, they can work but you have to be dedicated to making it work. I can finally say I'm livi...
(Quote) Brian-699857 said:

Yes, they can work but you have to be dedicated to making it work. I can finally say I'm living proof of this.

--hide--


God bless you both! Congraulations!!

01/26/2013 new

I tried this a couple of times and it only wore me down. Granted we tried to see each other weekly, but there comes a time when it seems more often is needed to develop a relationship. I don't understand how one can develop the kinds of knowledge and feelings between a couple in a LDR which should go into making a good mariage decision. Most are not able or willing to move. I have to live within 30 minutes of my job.

I would welcome any suggestions or insights. The leap of faith concept probably should not apply here when the church goes to so much trouble to educate couples planning a marriage.


01/26/2013 new
(Quote) Hugh-928368 said: The leap of faith concept probably should not apply here when the church goes to so much trouble to educate coup...
(Quote) Hugh-928368 said:

The leap of faith concept probably should not apply here when the church goes to so much trouble to educate couples planning a marriage.

--hide--


You've identified a serious disconnect with what dating sites promote and what our Church teaches-- thanks for bringing it clearly into the light. I know that Internet sites kind of have to push long distance relationships, but that doesn't make them ideal. I know that I will want to learn as much as I can to make an educated decision about anyone I consider marrying, and that involves in-person time. If we want to rely on luck, we may as well go back to arranged marriages.
01/26/2013 new

If you ever find your soul mate in life, then you move heaven and earth to make it happen. There isn't a mountain tall enough or a canyon wide enough to stop you.

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done." Matt 21:21

01/26/2013 new
(Quote) Hugh-928368 said: I tried this a couple of times and it only wore me down. Granted we tried to see each other weekly, but there co...
(Quote) Hugh-928368 said:

I tried this a couple of times and it only wore me down. Granted we tried to see each other weekly, but there comes a time when it seems more often is needed to develop a relationship. I don't understand how one can develop the kinds of knowledge and feelings between a couple in a LDR which should go into making a good mariage decision. Most are not able or willing to move. I have to live within 30 minutes of my job.

I would welcome any suggestions or insights. The leap of faith concept probably should not apply here when the church goes to so much trouble to educate couples planning a marriage.


--hide--


A wise man once said his approach was "Trust in God and fear nothing". We make so many excuses: job, home, etc to try and excuse NOT entering into an LDR (which could be different distances for different people). Yes, eventually one of you will have to move. One of you will have to change jobs. Both of you will have to adjust your lifestyle.

The question is: is it worth it? If you knew that the person God had planned for you was in CA and you're in NY...and you seem to click...and things are going well...well? What is the problem? Why the 2 year engagement? Just Do It.

My parents met while my dad was in the Navy during Korea. They were able to see each other when the ship put into Newport every 6 months or so. Somehow, they made it work (and still are, 57+ years later). He even converted to Catholicism for her. He manned up and did what needed to be done.

Plenty of the folks I know had 3 months of dating, a 6 month engagement, and 20- 30- 40 years later, are still happily married. Folks I know who dated for 4 or 5 years, had a 2 year engagement...well, one made it to 5 years, the other to 11. The short courtship ones? 2 of them were over 1200 miles apart. They MADE IT WORK.

We can make excuses all we want. But the fact remains, guys, (and gals...you're not without issues in this regard...seen it many times...) if it's what you want, only you can talk yourself out of it. If you don't want it....well, you're eliminating a wide number of eligible potential mates who would/could be the one that you will be happy with.
01/27/2013 new

(Quote) Andrew-290721 said: in the end, at least one party has to give up everything. That is a lot to ask of anyone, and it can re...
(Quote) Andrew-290721 said: in the end, at least one party has to give up everything. That is a lot to ask of anyone, and it can result in an imbalanced relationship. If A gives up everything to marry B, is B willing to give A 100%? Will B never forget the great sacrifice that A made?
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This was my experience, Andrew, and I'm glad you brought it up. My first husband (we're now annulled) insisted that living near his family was better, since at the time they all lived within about 1 hour of each other. My siblings were younger and were finishing their college degrees throughout the midwest, but were within a day's drive. Long story short, I'm now still in California, divorced with five kids 70% time and no family to help and support me on a regular basis. His family literally all live next door to each other. My children see my family once a year.

It is extremely difficult for me to even consider LDR for fear of that happening again. AND, my budget is extremely limiting. My ex would be just THRILLED (sarcasm) to watch the kids for several days while I travel to meet up with a potenial step-dad. Sorry to be negative, and I am truly amazed and very happy for those for whom this works out. But i think I would be the one who would have to be on the receiving end of an LDR, and for many good reasons. It makes me sad, but God is good all the time!

01/27/2013 new
(Quote) Brian-699857 said: Yes, they can work but you have to be dedicated to making it work. I can finally say I'm living proof of t...
(Quote) Brian-699857 said:

Yes, they can work but you have to be dedicated to making it work. I can finally say I'm living proof of this.

--hide--


Brian, that is great! Congratulations to the both of you! clap

Does Valerie like to talk about politics?
01/27/2013 new
There are certain types of persons who would do an LDR, and certain types who wouldn't. Beyond the financial aspects, and logistics, I think an LDR would only seem workable to someone who is on the adventurous side, even a little, likes to travel, and possibly is used to travel, and being independent.

If going to places outside of one's home-base or realm, and interacting with new people seems fun or fulfilling, these are a couple of the aspects that might define the personality-type who may do good in an LDR.
01/27/2013 new

I have read some of the comments with interest. I once went down this road and as has been pointed out it is expensive, can be emotionally draining but it can work if it is meant to be. Since that time I have spent a lot of time learning the Catholic Faith and have become a Traditional Catholic in my practice of the Faith. I am now at the point of being uncompromising in attending the Traditional Latin Mass. Looking back at what might have been I have reflected that a Catholic Sacramental Marriage would not be that flourishing if the couple could not attend Mass together rolling eyes . What was a big disappointment at the time was in reality part of my spiritual journey authored by God.







01/27/2013 new

And LDR can work if both persons are actively seeking to get married and are reasonable in their expectations for a spouse. But that's a BIG IF.

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