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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Kahirup! (By the way, how do you pronounce that?) There are some things that may ...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:




Hi Kahirup! (By the way, how do you pronounce that?) There are some things that may turn me off right away about a person. Usually, I need to read their profile before making a final decision. And I do have reservations about certain things. Really, though, I believe it takes getting to know the person. Sometimes, we can be closer on issues than we think at first blush, and there's so much more involved in developing a relationship with someone than a profile description. Thus, I don't want to write off most people before giving them the benefit of the doubt! Chelle (like Shelley not Shell!)

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It's pronounced as KA (as in Karma)-HI (as in he)-RUP (as in syrup). I think we both agree in not writing anybody off without the benefit of the doubt. There's always more than meets the eye.

Jan 21st 2013 new

If somebody has a long checklist of what they want I usually back out quietly..I can count on not fitting their criteria..

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Kristen-878108 said: Well Jim, whether we like to admit it or not, I would venture to say that everyone ...
(Quote) Kristen-878108 said:




Well Jim, whether we like to admit it or not, I would venture to say that everyone makes decisions about compatibility based on the information given in the profile. But isn't that the reason that we write one? If it didn't matter what people posted we could all just have blank profiles and pair off without any considerations of compatibility! But I believe you are also correct that we probably mis-judge compatibility based on sketchy material. I think it's better to err on the side of liberality.

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Hi Kristen,

Interesting. To err on the side of liberality? May I ask what does that actually mean? While certainly it is important to read what the person is actually saying, do you mean to say that you really shouldn't take what he is saying at face value because he might actually mean something else? One of the reasons why I don't have much in my profile anymore is simply that I hope to only use it to start a conversation. In other words, less is more right? Not too much to read all at once. How can you actually talk with someone in the first place if we have too many reservations about what we think he might actually be like?

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-388330 said: Hi Kristen,Interesting. To err on the side of liberality? May I ask what ...
(Quote) Jim-388330 said:

Hi Kristen,

Interesting. To err on the side of liberality? May I ask what does that actually mean? While certainly it is important to read what the person is actually saying, do you mean to say that you really shouldn't take what he is saying at face value because he might actually mean something else? One of the reasons why I don't have much in my profile anymore is simply that I hope to only use it to start a conversation. In other words, less is more right? Not too much to read all at once. How can you actually talk with someone in the first place if we have too many reservations about what we think he might actually be like?

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Great questions Jim! What I meant by that is that if something the person says puts me off in some way I reserve judgment until I have a few more interactions with the person to actually see if my negative feeling continues. So being liberal in terms of giving 2nd and 3rd and 5th chances until I am fairly certain we are not a match. The fact is, I've been wrong in my first impressions before; it will probably happen again!

In terms of content rich or light profiles, I'm not sure if this is a personal preference or a rule, but I personally like profiles that contain a lot of information because I interpret that as a man who is serious about finding someone and didn't just slap up a profile on CM so he could just look at other's profiles and not reveal much about himself. If I am being transparent, I want my potential match to be just as upfront. But that could be a personal preference.

Maybe I'm different, but I don't look at information as a penalty but as a plus. I like to read men's profiles - especially those where the man has taken the time to present something of himself. Have a great evening Jim!


Jan 21st 2013 new

I would reckon that most people have a checklist....and I would go a bit further to say the lists are also most likely to be on the long side.

You can paint a picture of how you would like someone to be.....and everyone's picture will be slightly different. We are the artists, though, and can change our picture anytime we wish. I believe that the experiences we have in life make us do so.

A profile is just that - a small piece of yourself - that you wish to show to the "world" on CM. Don't worry about what someone else thinks of you, just be who you are.

Jan 22nd 2013 new

Hi Jim,

This is a great question, if only for prompting our own self-reflection on the topic. smile . Maybe it isn't the length of the checklist but the traits on the list, perhaps our list is too rigid? I offer this, because I do not believe there is a perfect mate, not from the beginning and not even after many many years of marriage. I've posted elsewhere about how I met my husband. What i didn't share there was the fact that no one on my side thought we would make it a year, lol. We came from very different backgrounds. He had no faith background and most of his family was actually very hostile to belief in God. But, we are called to be light to our spouses and hopefully through the marital union each grows more deeply in love, understanding and faith. My husband converted to Catholicism after we had been married for ten years. I never asked him to convert. I only asked him to attend Mass with me when we had several little ones to wrangle. I, of course, prayed for him to come to know God. And, he came to it on his own. And, I have to say, I learned many things from his faith journey and the things we shared.

I think so my point is this and I agree with Kristen on this, perhaps we should be less rigid in our initial assessments of someone's profile and instead interact with them a little more. I've read dozens of profiles, some made me grin, some made me laugh, some prompted no reaction good or bad, and a few prompted a flip in the tummy and an excitement that made me want to reach out and know more about the person. A few put me off fairly quickly. And, unless they like a lot of information, they will probably look at mine and groan.

But, I won't know if I like a person or not until I actually interact with them. And, it might very well be, that I really like the person and enjoy deep conversations with them, but feel no romantic spark. I welcome that, one can never have too many friends or too many good conversations.

That I think has actually been the best thing about this site for me. I have struggled with the quiet in my home now, the loss of good, deep conversations or even light and playful banter. I am starved for it actually, and so, finding this site and forums had a completely unexpected benefit for me, like a dehydrated sponge I am soaking up and immersing in the conversation and it soothes me tremendously. I am sure I will relax a bit once I am no longer so parched lol, but for now thank you all for stimulating ideas and thoughts and comments and discussion -- no matter what your profiles say smile

Jan 22nd 2013 new
I think that most men and women are not 100% honest in their profile when it comes to what they're looking for. I appreciate it when I read a guy's profile that says candidly that he's looking for a tiny, gorgeous ex-cheerleader. I actually looked at one profile that said point blank, "I'm looking for a woman who is as beautiful as I am." It seemed like a jerk thing to do, but I give the guy points for at least being honest about what he wants.

I'd rather have someone say something which is perceived to be shallow, than for a guy to lie in his profile so he attracts a greater volume of interested parties.
Jan 22nd 2013 new
P.S. I myself have a checklist, but it's pretty general, and on my profile. Again - better to be upfront and scare off some guys than get in too deep and then realize that something about them just isn't going to work.
Jan 23rd 2013 new

I do. Up to a point, I think checklists are great. It is important to know what you are seeking, and I would much rather know if someone is unlikely to be interested in me as early in the pursuit as possible. It is also really attractive to when a girl is unafraid to challenge the guy. However, often the checklists, or deal breakers, or whatever they are being called this week, can get extensive, and many of them have little to do with faith. Up to I point I can understand that as well. It is important a man be able to support a family. But I have seen it taken to an extreme that is, for me, very unattractive, and a little exhausting.

Jan 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-388330 said: Brothers and Sisters in Christ, When you look at somebody's profile do you automatically...
(Quote) Jim-388330 said:

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

When you look at somebody's profile do you automatically say to yourself, "well he wrote this and this, so I'm going to bet this is what he or she is REALLY like, so it's probably not worth talking to this person anyway? Or how about, yes this profile meets my checklist so let's give it a shot?

Is what somebody says in his or her profile a make or break deal?

God bless

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For about my first hour after taking the temperament test, I was strict with that as my first make-or-break thing. However, I realized that was unwise and abandoned that.

I do definitely have make-or-breaks. Must accept all church teaching, must be able to marry, must make faith an integral part of her life, and must attend mass weekly (or else have a very good explanation for why not). Those are my automatic excludes.

Beyond that, I have some expectations based on traits that I know I like, but I try to keep an open mind. For instance: I know that I strongly would prefer a woman who is an impeccable speller, but I knew someone who was not strong in grammar but was one of those supportive people who will always think the best of you even when you doubt yourself. Someone who has THAT quality can get by without the other preference. At least probably.

I think it's always good to realize that we cannot write out the exact way that certain traits are preferable to others. The formula is just too complicated. So, why not keep your checklist someone loose, I say?

Like others have said on this thread, though, it's disheartening to see some people have unrealistic checklists. That's part of why I am not so rigid on mine -- I try to remain open to the possibility that my standards may be unfair prejudices.

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