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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ann-69118 said: Pursuit should be tempered with moderation though if the guy is coming on too strong that's a ba...
(Quote) Ann-69118 said:

Pursuit should be tempered with moderation though if the guy is coming on too strong that's a bad sign.

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Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a bad sign because the man is coming on too strong, or if the lady is not interested, or playing it cool, or busy but not uninterested, or ????? It's hard to get a good back-and-forth rhythm in an on-line conversation. There's no non-verbal body language, and there's sometimes too much time between asking a question (how was your day?) and getting the answer (uh, how was my day when you actually asked that question?).

As far as the original question of pursuit, I'm okay with initiating and continuing the pursuing, but some positive feedback helps the pursuer know if he is trying too hard or or not. This is true if the guy is pursuing a friendship or anything beyond just friendship.

Bob

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-879967 said: Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a bad sign because the man is coming on too st...
(Quote) Bob-879967 said:

Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's a bad sign because the man is coming on too strong, or if the lady is not interested, or playing it cool, or busy but not uninterested, or ????? It's hard to get a good back-and-forth rhythm in an on-line conversation. There's no non-verbal body language, and there's sometimes too much time between asking a question (how was your day?) and getting the answer (uh, how was my day when you actually asked that question?).

As far as the original question of pursuit, I'm okay with initiating and continuing the pursuing, but some positive feedback helps the pursuer know if he is trying too hard or or not. This is true if the guy is pursuing a friendship or anything beyond just friendship.

Bob

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Bob I agree that the man should initiate and continue pursuit in all instances. Just as I am sure that guys pursue when they are interested, women will always give feedback when they are interested. If they are interested and they are not giving you feedback then they are potentially playing games and don't deserve an upstanding fella like yourself and I say move on. The right woman will appreciate and welcome your pursuit and let you know that she does in clear messages. Hang in there buddy. The right one will come along.

Jan 26th 2013 new

It takes two to tango....I may write an extra message to her but if there's no response or there's no question asked in her response, I gather there's a lack of interest and wouldn't pursue further. May in the 1950's this would have been fine but in today's generation, the guy would come across as obsessive which isn't good!

Jan 26th 2013 new

I won't presume to speak for all men, nor even just those on CM......I was told by a gal I met on here a few years back, once she got to know me a bit, that she thought I've probably missed some opportunities in my life with other women. It seemed her level of interest was more than I could tell. It's exciting to me when the girl who catches my eye seems just as much interested as I am. My confidence seems to grow when I am able to percieve their interest. Perhaps they often are and I just can't tell. It would seem that personally, I need to be "hit over the head". Perhaps all too often I've misread women as not being really interested when they simply were looking for me to make a move....I don't know.


It could be I have too much pride...It would seem some men have pursued women who have shown no interest at all...only finally to win them over. Perhaps I don't have that in me....I remember a TV commercial some time ago, I can't remember what they were selling...but an older married couple were sitting together and the wife tells us that she turned down the husbands marriage proposal twice...but he was persistent and she accepted his third. I can't imagine asking a woman 3 times...I think she would have lost me after the first refusal....


Of course you always hear that the man should pursue...I need to feel wanted too I guess. I'd like to think that a woman would "pursue" me in her own way with rather obvious signs so that I may continue to "pursue" her. As though we're both "feeding" of each others actions/signals.


A guy once posted on here that he viewed it as a chess match...he makes a move...and the woman responds with a move....if she doesn't....he assumes she's not playing....


From Pride & Prejudice (movie version with Keira Knightley)....


Elizabeth:"I think he(Mr Bingley) likes her(Elizabeth's sister Jane) very much.


Charlotte:"But does she like him?....There are few of us who are secure enough to be really in love without proper encouragement....Bingley likes her...enormously....but might not do more if she does not....help him on."


Elizabeth:"But she's just shy and modest...if he can not percieve her regard he is a fool..."


Charlotte"We are all fools in love..........He does not know her character as we do....she should move fast...snap him up.........."




Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Paul-866591 said: Er, Chelle, at 49 you are not an old woman.
(Quote) Paul-866591 said:

Er, Chelle, at 49 you are not an old woman.

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Thank you, Paul! wink Chelle

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-50634 said: I won't presume to speak for all men, nor even just those on CM......I was told by a gal I met o...
(Quote) Jim-50634 said:

I won't presume to speak for all men, nor even just those on CM......I was told by a gal I met on here a few years back, once she got to know me a bit, that she thought I've probably missed some opportunities in my life with other women. It seemed her level of interest was more than I could tell. It's exciting to me when the girl who catches my eye seems just as much interested as I am. My confidence seems to grow when I am able to percieve their interest. Perhaps they often are and I just can't tell. It would seem that personally, I need to be "hit over the head". Perhaps all too often I've misread women as not being really interested when they simply were looking for me to make a move....I don't know.


It could be I have too much pride...It would seem some men have pursued women who have shown no interest at all...only finally to win them over. Perhaps I don't have that in me....I remember a TV commercial some time ago, I can't remember what they were selling...but an older married couple were sitting together and the wife tells us that she turned down the husbands marriage proposal twice...but he was persistent and she accepted his third. I can't imagine asking a woman 3 times...I think she would have lost me after the first refusal....


Of course you always hear that the man should pursue...I need to feel wanted too I guess. I'd like to think that a woman would "pursue" me in her own way with rather obvious signs so that I may continue to "pursue" her. As though we're both "feeding" of each others actions/signals.


A guy once posted on here that he viewed it as a chess match...he makes a move...and the woman responds with a move....if she doesn't....he assumes she's not playing....


From Pride & Prejudice (movie version with Keira Knightley)....


Elizabeth:"I think he(Mr Bingley) likes her(Elizabeth's sister Jane) very much.


Charlotte:"But does she like him?....There are few of us who are secure enough to be really in love without proper encouragement....Bingley likes her...enormously....but might not do more if she does not....help him on."


Elizabeth:"But she's just shy and modest...if he can not percieve her regard he is a fool..."


Charlotte"We are all fools in love..........He does not know her character as we do....she should move fast...snap him up.........."



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Jim,

Being able to quote Pride and Prejudice should win you many an admirer. If you weren't 42 I'd introduce you to my daughter who is a consummate Jane Austin fan and watches this movie at every opportunity. . .and so does her sappy mother. . .well done smile

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Jim, Being able to quote Pride and Prejudice should win you many an admirer. If ...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Jim,

Being able to quote Pride and Prejudice should win you many an admirer. If you weren't 42 I'd introduce you to my daughter who is a consummate Jane Austin fan and watches this movie at every opportunity. . .and so does her sappy mother. . .well done

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I was "asked/made/forced" to watch it once by a girl I was getting to know...not something I readily admit in mixed company...but what can I say...I liked it....who doesn't like a good love story...isn't that why we're here?...


Besides...I think Darcy and I have some things in common(his personality not his wealth)...

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-50634 said: I was "asked/made/forced" to watch it once by a girl I was getting to know......
(Quote) Jim-50634 said:


I was "asked/made/forced" to watch it once by a girl I was getting to know...not something I readily admit in mixed company...but what can I say...I liked it....who doesn't like a good love story...isn't that why we're here?...


Besides...I think Darcy and I have some things in common(his personality not his wealth)...

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Jim, that's one you could admit I think lol. I have a friend a male high school teacher who shows it every year to his class and loves the movie. My husband was a nut about love songs and love stories and his favorite was The Notebook, he read it, listened to it on tape and watched the movie every chance he got, and he was a guy who at first glance no one would even think he watched any movie that didn't have death, and mayhem in it.

And, things came out pretty well for Mr. Darcy in the end, so it should bode as well for you, sharing his personality smile

Jan 27th 2013 new

I think it depends on the individual and each situation is different. I concur with the one observation about distance involved. I'm not seriously going to respond to someone living on the West Coast, USA overseas, etc. when I'm situated in Warwick, RI. It's been my experience that if you come onto strong with a potential lady, it is a turn-off, so the Lady should initate. Please take it from, an old fashioned Gentleman, if a guy is interested he'll call, e-mail, etc. if not move on Ladies !, he's probably playing some kind of game ?

From my point, of view as a Gentleman I don't understand why should it only be a guy that pursues, why not have a woman pursue provided the guy is interested in her ? Don't we live in the 21st century ? Also I would like to know why women feel that they feel that should change a guy ? Is it genetics or something else ?

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Craig-388270 said: Most of the times I have been pursued it involved sirens, flashing lights, and open highway
(Quote) Craig-388270 said: Most of the times I have been pursued it involved sirens, flashing lights, and open highway
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