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Saint Anthony is the patron of lost things and missing persons.
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Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donnie-397050 said: As recently as today, I have encountered posts of subscribers concerned when they logged on and ...
(Quote) Donnie-397050 said:

As recently as today, I have encountered posts of subscribers concerned when they logged on and discovered that their potential love interest was 'on-line'. This has happened to me from time to time, but I have never perceived it as a red flag. There are more than a few reasons other than deception. I am certainly sensitive to those less secure than me. Likewise, I am aware that oportunists Catholics do exist, so this concern can be quite real.

I suppose it speaks to our reason(s) for being here. I enjoy interacting through the fora while 'unattached'. All things considered, once I have established regular communucation with someone I have an interest in and it's reciprocated, I tend to redirect my focus toward that end.

However, it seems this issue is all over the map and potentialluy disruptive to a budding relationship. Should CM adopt an online/idling system akin to fb? If not, what suggestions can you offer to alleviate the concern that a 'con' is at work?

--hide--

I am reading your post and I am just trying to understand but having a hard time with it. If I am getting to know someone on CM on a more personal basis I would be concerned if he took exception to me logging on and interacting in the forum. That would be a red flag. There are so many reasons for being logged on to CM and I just tend to leave myself logged on even when I am not near my computer. I think that the key is communication and trust. If I am interested in you and we are getting to know each other I will let you know that implicitly and I expect you to trust that I am not seeking that kind of relationship with anyone else. I also would not be trying to get to know anyone better that I did not think that I could trust. To that end, I would never think anything of him being logged on and not directly interacting with me. It would never even occur to me that he is seeking a closer relationship with another woman. I would hope that if he was doing that I would be told by him directly. Therefore I would choose to trust him unless given cause to think otherwise. The moment I cease to trust him my interest in him would probably end.

This kind of thinking does not seem healthy to me. The thought of wanting to control someone's interactions and or limit them to only you does not sound like a normal requirement and seems a bit too controlling for me. The key is communication and trust people.

Jan 21st 2013 new

Not sure I get it...

If you log into the site it shows you as ' online ' and if you log out (or time out ?) it does not, i think. Who cares if someone is online or not? That type of interest is more casually called ' stalking '.

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: I am reading your post and I am just trying to understand but having a hard time with it...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

I am reading your post and I am just trying to understand but having a hard time with it. If I am getting to know someone on CM on a more personal basis I would be concerned if he took exception to me logging on and interacting in the forum. That would be a red flag. There are so many reasons for being logged on to CM and I just tend to leave myself logged on even when I am not near my computer. I think that the key is communication and trust. If I am interested in you and we are getting to know each other I will let you know that implicitly and I expect you to trust that I am not seeking that kind of relationship with anyone else. I also would not be trying to get to know anyone better that I did not think that I could trust. To that end, I would never think anything of him being logged on and not directly interacting with me. It would never even occur to me that he is seeking a closer relationship with another woman. I would hope that if he was doing that I would be told by him directly. Therefore I would choose to trust him unless given cause to think otherwise. The moment I cease to trust him my interest in him would probably end.

This kind of thinking does not seem healthy to me. The thought of wanting to control someone's interactions and or limit them to only you does not sound like a normal requirement and seems a bit too controlling for me. The key is communication and trust people.

--hide--


There's often a very fine line between discretion and trust, especially in this medium. The line between right and wrong can be very faint or blurry. I found myself in just this circumstance in the past. At the time I also didn't gave it any thought, as I never felt as though I had any legitimate reason to. Eventually, though, that proved itself to be a huge mistake on my part.



theheart

Jan 21st 2013 new

HUH????

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Nate-710050 said: Not sure I get it... If you log into the site it shows you as ' online ' and if you...
(Quote) Nate-710050 said:

Not sure I get it...

If you log into the site it shows you as ' online ' and if you log out (or time out ?) it does not, i think. Who cares if someone is online or not? That type of interest is more casually called ' stalking '.

--hide--

My point exactly. I do not think that can be considered a normal or healthy type of interest. I think that it would probably scare me if a guy started questioning me about stuff like that. I do keep my favorites profiles so I know if my person of interest is online or not but I would never even think of questioning him about what he was doing when we were not directly interacting. What is going on here people? There is a fine line between healthy insecurity ( if insecurity can ever be called healthy) and stalking.

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: There's often a very fine line between discretion and trust, especially in this...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


There's often a very fine line between discretion and trust, especially in this medium. The line between right and wrong can be very faint or blurry. I found myself in just this circumstance in the past. At the time I also didn't gave it any thought, as I never felt as though I had any legitimate reason to. Eventually, though, that proved itself to be a huge mistake on my part.



--hide--

Victor I am sorry to hear of your experience as no one deserves that. I would definitely not say that it was a huge mistake on your part. You just basically found out that the interest was not mutual and that is a good thing for you. Monitoring someone's interactions is not a way to prevent them seeking other relationships. The only thing that secures that is their committment to you. Therefore I would suggest making your interest clear early on and see what her view on your interaction is. Controlling or monitoring people's interactions to determine if they are beng faithful to you is NEVER healthy and does NOT prevent unfaithfulness if that is the person's intent.

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donnie-397050 said: Then there are those who simply walk away from the computer. Happens all the time.
(Quote) Donnie-397050 said:

Then there are those who simply walk away from the computer. Happens all the time.

--hide--


Oh man, that's me. Now that I am doing this on both the pc and the Android I am worse than ever! Annoys my friends something awful I'm sure.


NC Jim

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: (Quote) Donnie-397050 said: Hi Jerry! On Facebook, there is a column...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Quote:
Donnie-397050 said:

Hi Jerry!

On Facebook, there is a column off to the side which makesit easy to see who is curently active, a box indicating they left it idle, or nothing. Se a a glance, you can see who is and who isn't available.

Hope you are well!


Thanks for the explanation, Donnie.

--hide--


Ahhh..See..I have the FB ticker activated all the time so my column of who is online is hidden.. I never look at that..

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: My point exactly. I do not think that can be considered a normal or healthy type of inte...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

My point exactly. I do not think that can be considered a normal or healthy type of interest. I think that it would probably scare me if a guy started questioning me about stuff like that. I do keep my favorites profiles so I know if my person of interest is online or not but I would never even think of questioning him about what he was doing when we were not directly interacting. What is going on here people? There is a fine line between healthy insecurity ( if insecurity can ever be called healthy) and stalking.

--hide--


One particular occasion always comes to mind when these discussions come up.. If you don't use the Sign Out when you leave CM it shows you are online on here for a period of at least a couple of hours until the self timer logs out.. At least that the way it used to be.. Recently though I have forgotten to sign out and come back the next day and found that I was still logged in (meaning I didn't get the sign in page when I came back on). This being said..People who have been 'in relationships' have reported being accused of still continuing to 'search' because they were found by their 'SO' to be logged into CM at odd hours.. Like in the middle of the night..When said 'logged in' member was blissfully asleep..

All this being said, I would be royally ticked off if CM logged me off after a short while because I left the computer or got busy on another tab of my comp..So I don't support an institution of that..

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: One particular occasion always comes to mind when these discussions come up.. If you ...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


One particular occasion always comes to mind when these discussions come up.. If you don't use the Sign Out when you leave CM it shows you are online on here for a period of at least a couple of hours until the self timer logs out.. At least that the way it used to be.. Recently though I have forgotten to sign out and come back the next day and found that I was still logged in (meaning I didn't get the sign in page when I came back on). This being said..People who have been 'in relationships' have reported being accused of still continuing to 'search' because they were found by their 'SO' to be logged into CM at odd hours.. Like in the middle of the night..When said 'logged in' member was blissfully asleep..

All this being said, I would be royally ticked off if CM logged me off after a short while because I left the computer or got busy on another tab of my comp..So I don't support an institution of that..

--hide--

So if I understand you correctly. People assume that if you are logged on in the night or when they are not on that you are seeking an outside relationship???? scratchchin boggled . I am still trying to process that one.

That is not IMO a normal or heathly assumption and smacks of paranoia. Personally I would be weary of that kind of thought pattern in a man or a woman. We all naturally feel some level of insecurity when we are just starting to get to know someone that we like. It is a natural function of the process and there is some healthy fear of that person loosing interest or finding someone else. However, that is where discussion and communication comes in as the relationship progresses. These assumptions that people are referencing do not seem healthy to me. I like a protective man but not an insecure one.

It is often a sign of a trouble in the future. e.g. My ex-husband used to feel like that when we were dating and now I know that this was a red flag. I like to dress nicely when going out so in marriage it translated to him asking why I was dressing up when going places that he was not with me. These are not healthy thought processes.

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