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Saint Anthony is the patron of lost things and missing persons.
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Jan 21st 2013 new

And, I'm confused as well, although I am new here. I have noticed while it might show someone in my favorite list is online, if I click on it and they are indeed gone it refreshes and shows them to be gone? I am assuming they are really gone. And, I am not sure what difference it makes if they are on or not. If they are on and available to chat and you ask they either accept or not? Are their different options for rejecting a chat? And, what if you change your availablity how does that show up? Just trying to figure it out?

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Victor I am sorry to hear of your experience as no one deserves that. I would definitely...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Victor I am sorry to hear of your experience as no one deserves that. I would definitely not say that it was a huge mistake on your part. You just basically found out that the interest was not mutual and that is a good thing for you. Monitoring someone's interactions is not a way to prevent them seeking other relationships. The only thing that secures that is their committment to you. Therefore I would suggest making your interest clear early on and see what her view on your interaction is. Controlling or monitoring people's interactions to determine if they are beng faithful to you is NEVER healthy and does NOT prevent unfaithfulness if that is the person's intent.

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I am confused. Victor's statement is so vague that I don't even know what he's talking about. Is this what he was talking about?

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: So if I understand you correctly. People assume that if you are logged on in the night o...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

So if I understand you correctly. People assume that if you are logged on in the night or when they are not on that you are seeking an outside relationship???? . I am still trying to process that one.

That is not IMO a normal or heathly assumption and smacks of paranoia. Personally I would be weary of that kind of thought pattern in a man or a woman. We all naturally feel some level of insecurity when we are just starting to get to know someone that we like. It is a natural function of the process and there is some healthy fear of that person loosing interest or finding someone else. However, that is where discussion and communication comes in as the relationship progresses. These assumptions that people are referencing do not seem healthy to me. I like a protective man but not an insecure one.

It is often a sign of a trouble in the future. e.g. My ex-husband used to feel like that when we were dating and now I know that this was a red flag. I like to dress nicely when going out so in marriage it translated to him asking why I was dressing up when going places that he was not with me. These are not healthy thought processes.

--hide--

I just read my post again and I apologize if it comes of as judgmental in anyway. That is never my intention. So if I upset or hurt anyone again I apologize.

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: And, I'm confused as well, although I am new here. I have noticed while it might show someon...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

And, I'm confused as well, although I am new here. I have noticed while it might show someone in my favorite list is online, if I click on it and they are indeed gone it refreshes and shows them to be gone? I am assuming they are really gone. And, I am not sure what difference it makes if they are on or not. If they are on and available to chat and you ask they either accept or not? Are their different options for rejecting a chat? And, what if you change your availablity how does that show up? Just trying to figure it out?

--hide--


You see..It make not make a difference to you..Or to me or to a thousand other people..But there are those with a jealous streak who will freak out if they think the person they are interested in is searching profiles for their replacement.. That's what this is all about.. And it happens with both genders..

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: One particular occasion always comes to mind when these discussions come up.. If you ...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


One particular occasion always comes to mind when these discussions come up.. If you don't use the Sign Out when you leave CM it shows you are online on here for a period of at least a couple of hours until the self timer logs out.. At least that the way it used to be.. Recently though I have forgotten to sign out and come back the next day and found that I was still logged in (meaning I didn't get the sign in page when I came back on). This being said..People who have been 'in relationships' have reported being accused of still continuing to 'search' because they were found by their 'SO' to be logged into CM at odd hours.. Like in the middle of the night..When said 'logged in' member was blissfully asleep..

All this being said, I would be royally ticked off if CM logged me off after a short while because I left the computer or got busy on another tab of my comp..So I don't support an institution of that..

--hide--



And then we get into the whole discussion of what a relationship is in the online world. Again, the problem of different expectations. I've heard some people say if you haven't met in person, it's not a relationship. Wonder if Manti Te'o's "girlfriend" ever got jealous if he was on FB and didn't talk to her...

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: You see..It make not make a difference to you..Or to me or to a thousand other people...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


You see..It make not make a difference to you..Or to me or to a thousand other people..But there are those with a jealous streak who will freak out if they think the person they are interested in is searching profiles for their replacement.. That's what this is all about.. And it happens with both genders..

--hide--



Yikes! eyepopping

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: So if I understand you correctly. People assume that if you are logged on in the night o...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

So if I understand you correctly. People assume that if you are logged on in the night or when they are not on that you are seeking an outside relationship???? . I am still trying to process that one.

That is not IMO a normal or heathly assumption and smacks of paranoia. Personally I would be weary of that kind of thought pattern in a man or a woman. We all naturally feel some level of insecurity when we are just starting to get to know someone that we like. It is a natural function of the process and there is some healthy fear of that person loosing interest or finding someone else. However, that is where discussion and communication comes in as the relationship progresses. These assumptions that people are referencing do not seem healthy to me. I like a protective man but not an insecure one.

It is often a sign of a trouble in the future. e.g. My ex-husband used to feel like that when we were dating and now I know that this was a red flag. I like to dress nicely when going out so in marriage it translated to him asking why I was dressing up when going places that he was not with me. These are not healthy thought processes.

--hide--


Mmmm... not necessarily. In my situation we both just happened to spend a lot of time on the site, even when we weren't engaged in conversation. We were on each other's "Favorites" list, so I would often see that she was also online. We both knew that the other had many friends on the site, and we were past just online chatting, so there was never a reason to think "red flag", or anything of the sort. I just happened to make an assumption that turned-out to be very wrong.


But, that wasn't her fault, it was mine, as I was the one who made the assumption without as much as simply inquiring. For me, as someone who doesn't trust anyone to begin with, granting unearned trust is a tremendous stretch and proved itself to be a mistake, and I was the one who suffered the consequences of that mistake.


It's not all that complicated - quite simple, really.


theheart

Jan 21st 2013 new
After a while I stopped adding favorites. Message, connect, see if it's right for you. If it's right, you won't need them as a favorite, because you'll be each other's real favorite.
Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) John-746882 said: After a while I stopped adding favorites. Message, connect, see if it's right for you. If it's ri...
(Quote) John-746882 said: After a while I stopped adding favorites. Message, connect, see if it's right for you. If it's right, you won't need them as a favorite, because you'll be each other's real favorite.
--hide--


I add some one as a favorite if we start communicating regularly.. If the communication dissolves I take them back off.. I have old friends who aren't paid members anymore who lurk and we send smileys and hugs if they are online.. Though they are all on my FB friends list.. It's like a FB poke.. Sometimes I just want to know when they are online..I've probably never had more than 25 on that list at any one time..I never used it like some people do and put every single person of interest on it.

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I add some one as a favorite if we start communicating regularly.. If the communicati...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I add some one as a favorite if we start communicating regularly.. If the communication dissolves I take them back off.. I have old friends who aren't paid members anymore who lurk and we send smileys and hugs if they are online.. Though they are all on my FB friends list.. It's like a FB poke.. Sometimes I just want to know when they are online..I've probably never had more than 25 on that list at any one time..I never used it like some people do and put every single person of interest on it.

--hide--


The only people on my "Favorites" list are people with whom I communicate with on a regular basis.


theheart

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