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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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Good afternoon! I poase this question as I've run into several people who aren't emotionally ready (or spiritually really) to date when it's only been a year since their divorce. I know for me personally, I waited to even file for my annulment until after a year just to get my life back in order first. I'm wondering what other's opionion and experiences are relative to this topic. I realize each person heals at their own pace and time but it seems that first year, the wound is "too fresh". I've started asking guys how long they've been divorced as I've found this to be true each time the person was within a year (yet they were trying to date).

Thanks for any insight and experiences!

Susie

Jan 21st 2013 new

Please forgive my typos!!! biggrin

Jan 21st 2013 new

This would probably be safer in the Divorced room.


theheart

Jan 21st 2013 new

How do I move it? Just restart a thread?

Thanks

Jan 21st 2013 new

No, a note to a Moderator will get the job done.


theheart

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Susie-890857 said: Good afternoon! I poase this question as I've run into several people who aren't emotiona...
(Quote) Susie-890857 said:

Good afternoon! I poase this question as I've run into several people who aren't emotionally ready (or spiritually really) to date when it's only been a year since their divorce. I know for me personally, I waited to even file for my annulment until after a year just to get my life back in order first. I'm wondering what other's opionion and experiences are relative to this topic. I realize each person heals at their own pace and time but it seems that first year, the wound is "too fresh". I've started asking guys how long they've been divorced as I've found this to be true each time the person was within a year (yet they were trying to date).

Thanks for any insight and experiences!

Susie

--hide--


I ask too because I have been single 21 years and I encounter men who barely have the ink dry.. I have found that it's not a good match because they still want to sew their oats and I am done with that.. I used to hit the new members list pretty hard..No more after a couple of experiences with men not ready to date..

Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I ask too because I have been single 21 years and I encounter men who barely have the...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I ask too because I have been single 21 years and I encounter men who barely have the ink dry.. I have found that it's not a good match because they still want to sew their oats and I am done with that.. I used to hit the new members list pretty hard..No more after a couple of experiences with men not ready to date..

--hide--

Hmmm - Maybe CM could add a line that asks how long folks have been divorced???? That'd help a lot! I've also run into a rash of guys lately who are only separated yet post "divorced". UGH!!!

Jan 21st 2013 new
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I ask too because I have been single 21 years and I encounter men who barely have the ink dr...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:




I ask too because I have been single 21 years and I encounter men who barely have the ink dry.. I have found that it's not a good match because they still want to sew their oats and I am done with that.. I used to hit the new members list pretty hard..No more after a couple of experiences with men not ready to date..

--hide--


I think this question would be relevant if they lost a spouse to death as well....
Jan 21st 2013 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: I think this question would be relevant if they lost a spouse to death as well....
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said:

I think this question would be relevant if they lost a spouse to death as well....
--hide--


I think that question has been asked in the Widowed Room

Jan 21st 2013 new

Hi Susie,

I've read somewhere that it takes 30% of the time one is in a relationship to get over the relationship. I have found this to be surprisingly true.

But some other thoughts come to mind that make me lean in the direction of relating to people as soon as may be. And we are setting aside for the moment discussion of "dating" when we haven't that annulment finalized. So let's run with the word "relating" instead of "dating". Though, actually, the rules of behavior for pre and post annulment are pretty much the same.

Basically, we should be relating to the recently divorced if only because isolation is a bad thing. People need reassurance and help in processing and we are not suppose to be ignoring people when they need help.

Of course we may not be the individual to do the helping and we should discern if or when we should distance ourselves.

Also, suppose you meet your God-ordained person and he/she is recently divorced? I get you that he/she would be a mess but do we honestly want him/her processing things with someone else? Not me. There are people who prey on the recently divorced.

Thoughts of mine ... probably semi-worthless to a woman because your experience with divorced men has to be way different from my experience with divorced women. Still, if you believe that meeting people happens for a reason it should make us careful who we reject. As a hard and fast rule I mean.

:')

NC Jim

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