(quote) Susie-890857 said: Good afternoon! I poase this question as I've run into several people who aren't emotionally ready (or spiritually really) to date when it's only been a year since their divorce. I know for me personally, I waited to even file for my annulment until after a year just to get my life back in order first. I'm wondering what other's opionion and experiences are relative to this topic. I realize each person heals at their own pace and time but it seems that first year, the wound is "too fresh". I've started asking guys how long they've been divorced as I've found this to be true each time the person was within a year (yet they were trying to date).
Thanks for any insight and experiences!
I don't think you can put a time limit on this. The better question is: Has a person completed the steps to recover and regain emotional health following divorce (and annulment)?
I took 18 months to go through a divorce/recovery course to help identify and overcome issues regarding my divorce (namely, issues that caused me to fail to identify/accept red flags prior to marrying someone who did not make a good match. The course also helped with recovery thereafter (and identifying how my own behavior contributed to the failure of the marriage, and how to resolve issues related to that.) I highly recommend such a course to any divorced person. Courses are...12 to 18 months...and often offered through local churches.
I do believe the friendship of men and women is essential to healthy recovery from divorce. This is another area where the divorce recovery (DR) group is helpful...you see other men and women going through the same struggles and can identify with them, see how they're handling issues, etc. There is a great deal of support in DR groups.
While this was ongoing, I began working toward my annulment as soon as the civil divorce was final (a year after separation in my case). I filed the paperwork five months after starting it, and it took 20 months after that time to receive my decision permitting marriage with the Church.
I did not date during this time. Indeed, I made an enemy when I refused to date a local Catholic girl last year due to my lack of an annulment. So now have the joy of seeing her and her new boyfriend/fiance (?) in Young Adults when I can attend (yes, looks like I'm gonna be THAT GUY who was every name in the book, her last attempt at love before meeting her future husband). Still, my heart wasn't ready a year ago to date...and I was still married in the Church's eyes. Though some people date while they await annulments...I didn't want to go there, as a new Convert to Catholicism. I wanted to take my time, to avoid confusion and unnecessary pain while continuing to work on preparing myself to be an awesome spouse to a lovely lady someday.
Just my $0.02. Maybe I'm dumb for turning down someone who might have made a wonderful wife. But I think the process is less about time, and more about crossing certain thresholds toward recognition of issues that contributed to divorce, recognizing one's own contributions to the divorce and resolving them for a future spouse, and waiting for the annulment while growing spiritually.
Running on too few hours' sleep tonight, so apologize if I'm rambling or not making sense.
Time to turn in early tonight, I think. Zzzzzzzz....