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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jun 04 new
(quote) Wendy-387654 said: Hi Joan. I think when someone gets remarried too soon after their first marriage ends, it is more often than not, a disaster waiting to happen. According to this article http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages :

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? Theories abound. One common explanation is that a significant number of people enter a second or marriage 'on the rebound' of a first or second divorce. Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again. They enter their next marriage for the wrong reasons, not having internalized the lessons of their past experience. They are liable to repeat their mistakes, making them susceptible to similar conflicts and another broken marriage follows.

So for those who jump quickly into a relationship early after a divorce, the statistics aren't in their favor for having a successful second marriage.
I agree with you completely; that is why I posted the link to the article. Unfortunately it appears that most CM men do not agree with you or I; for some reason they feel it necessary to date as man women/girls as soon as possible after divorce. That leads me to the next question: did they wait until after the divorce to start dating or we're they dating someone other than their spouse DURING their marriage? And the next question: did they begin dating before they received an annulment. I would love to get honest answers to these questions.
Jun 04 new
John, I guess there are all sorts of stats on this topic! Years ago, (when I was still married), I read that men who were happily married will be re-married within two years of the divorce. I mentioned it to my boss in order to cheer him up when his wife left him. Sure, enough, he was remarried within two years and still is, 20+ years later, and blessed with a second family. He's a good husband and dad.

Actually, I have seen this happen more than once to stellar men who suddenly found themselves single. I have a couple of friends who were widowed young and are happily remarried quite quickly - too quick for their family and friends, in fact. All the best to you!
Jun 04 new
My Larry was widowed in October 2011.. His wife had a sudden death after a fall.. They were married almost 42 years. His family is struggling more with his 'moving on' than he is.. His three brothers seem to be especially unhappy with our engagement. They are all in long term marriages and he is the 'odd man out' at their monthly dinner together. He can't wait for 'seven to become eight' once again. They haven't met me yet, so I know it's not personal.

Her siblings have been more accepting because a couple of them have suffered the same loss and remarried so they are telling him to 'Go for it.'

I have been single 22 years so everything is water under the bridge for me..








Jun 11 new
(quote) Lisa-572677 said: John, I guess there are all sorts of stats on this topic! Years ago, (when I was still married), I read that men who were happily married will be re-married within two years of the divorce. I mentioned it to my boss in order to cheer him up when his wife left him. Sure, enough, he was remarried within two years and still is, 20+ years later, and blessed with a second family. He's a good husband and dad.

Actually, I have seen this happen more than once to stellar men who suddenly found themselves single. I have a couple of friends who were widowed young and are happily remarried quite quickly - too quick for their family and friends, in fact. All the best to you!
My neighbor passed away 6 months ago and his wife (who is also my neighbor) is already remarried. Their kid are FURIOUS!! It turns out she was messaging her current husband (somebody she went to high school with) on Facebook shortly before her husband suddenly died of a heart attack. No wonder their kids are so upset. They didn't even get a chance to grieve the loss of their father and their mother has already remarried.
Many years ago I babysat the kids of a woman whose husband suddenly died of a heart attack. Within 2 weeks after the funeral she was getting flowers delivered to the door by a "suitor". Evidentally she was communicating with this man BEFORE her husband died and now she was "dating" him. I felt so bad for her kids (ages 6,8,10)!! They lost their father and now she was introducing a new man into their lives.
Some people are so very selfish, not realizing how their actions affect others.
Jun 16 new
Joan,

I am dismayed at the stereotyping.

I invested heavily in almost every aspect of my marriage. I could go on and on about the sacrificial love I practiced in my marriage. As I look back, I see where I made "deals" with myself to stay in the marriage. I made a promise and an oath. I held up my end of the bargain. She didn't. To stereotype men of the world categorically into one class that just didn't invest as much emotionally into the relationship is a very broad brush stroke approach to this mess we all find ourselves in. Divorce.

I couldn't find the particular article you mentioned in the Huffington Post. I tried to look it up to see what you were talking about.

As I look back, I find that what my ex did to me was cruel. She used our intimacy as a tool and weapon. She used me in the last year of our marriage in so many different ways and I now know it. I see it. I am so very disappointed with myself that I was so blind. I feel used in the worst way.

But, you know what? I'm OK. I went through a jungle of fire to try to make my marriage work. I can't even begin to relate my background and what has gone on in the last twenty years of my marriage. However, this whole thing has had blessings in the most major way for me. I am only one year out of my marriage and I am content with my life as it is right now. I will be making changes again I'm sure, but I am OK with that. I know for certain that whoever finds me and sees me, truly sees me for who I am, will have discovered one heck of a guy that was kicked to the curb by someone who just did not understand him and his metal and his character. My ex overlooked so very much. I consider myself to be a find insofar as my character and devotion and loyalty.

As for healing, be it from divorce or any other life situation that each of us has faced, we all deal in very, very different ways. Some better than others. But no matter what, when you dig up bones, you are also bound to dig up emotion and feelings. No matter how much time has passed.

So, I go back to what I posed earlier. I don't place much emphasis on math and time.
Jun 16 new
(quote) Susie-890857 said: do you feel there's a minimum time ...
Here in California, the minimum time is 24 hours, because grants of divorce petitions take 24 hours before they go into effect. That is, you are still married until the day after the court action. laughing
Jun 19 new
In answer to Susie from Texas,
I keep getting that question about "..how long it has been since the divorce?" and get lost trying to explain that my status can't even be classified as being 'in process',as some are classified, simply because I don't even know if we were married. I was told that my wife (?) was divorced in China and now I have a multi-paged document from, 'The People's Republic of China', documenting that her divorce occurred over one year after the wedding. Now, I am running into other men like myself and women who married men from the Islamic countries, with stories so complicated that you would have to diagram them on paper. Try to explain these situations on CM. So far a priest has verified that my young Catholic daughter is actually born in wedlock and will not be termed an illegitimate outcast as it would have turned out 100 years ago. I will not even bring up the fact that my well known Senator has assigned a case-worker, who has followed this for 3 years since the divorce took place. Most of the other people in these cases have also been approached by the same liberal newspaper, to write a story about it. (which would most likely attack the Catholic Church) I am very blessed by God for having a wonderful honor student daughter(from a supportive Catholic school), that wants me to fill that empty vacancy in our large Catholic family. Our larger extended family did it the other way, which was Catholics coming from Eastern Europe. And to the answer to other question that is always asked is ,"No, I don't want to write a book about it."
Jun 19 new
(quote) John-879088 said: In answer to Susie from Texas,
I keep getting that question about "..how long it has been since the divorce?" and get lost trying to explain that my status can't even be classified as being 'in process',as some are classified, simply because I don't even know if we were married. I was told that my wife (?) was divorced in China and now I have a multi-paged document from, 'The People's Republic of China', documenting that her divorce occurred over one year after the wedding. Now, I am running into other men like myself and women who married men from the Islamic countries, with stories so complicated that you would have to diagram them on paper. Try to explain these situations on CM. So far a priest has verified that my young Catholic daughter is actually born in wedlock and will not be termed an illegitimate outcast as it would have turned out 100 years ago. I will not even bring up the fact that my well known Senator has assigned a case-worker, who has followed this for 3 years since the divorce took place. Most of the other people in these cases have also been approached by the same liberal newspaper, to write a story about it. (which would most likely attack the Catholic Church) I am very blessed by God for having a wonderful honor student daughter(from a supportive Catholic school), that wants me to fill that empty vacancy in our large Catholic family. Our larger extended family did it the other way, which was Catholics coming from Eastern Europe. And to the answer to other question that is always asked is ,"No, I don't want to write a book about it."
I'm just trying to clarify John. Your wife went to China to get a divorce from you? And this happened shortly after your wedding? Were you married in China? Or here in America?
Jun 20 new
Jun 20 new
No Susie she was in my graduate school here with me and she told me that she was already divorced from her husband when she wasn't when I married her. We had a child one year after we were married. I also adopted her child that was in China while she came to America. She received the 'Pauline Privilege' to marry me after she went to RCIA. She doesn't believe in God, etc. There are many such cases. It took me years to get a certified and translated copy of the document when I was already divorced from her. Maybe you didn't read closely, I said that I adopted her 11 yr. old daughter from China and brought her back here to the U.S. I was also told in the beginning that the girls father and my and my wife's husband deserted them one year after they were married. That also was not the case because I have 45 copies of emails from him to his daughter and wife with step-by-step instructions of getting their Social Security cards, etc. You must realize that in most countries, if you are married when to marry someone else, it is called 'Bigamy' which is a crime.
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