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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Jul 12th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-13836 said: You know I was told to wait for a year or two before I started dating and was counseled to go to a divorce recovery group, which I did. The divorce recovery group was good. Now I lived on my own for 14 years I almost wonder if I could get re-married again?
Jim, you have y permission to marry. Now I am no bishop, priest or any of those guys in church robes & hats. But, permission granted nonetheless !
Jul 12th 2013 new
(quote) Christine-960631 said: Jim, you have my permission to marry. Now I am no bishop, priest or any of those guys in church robes & hats. But, permission granted nonetheless ! 
My marriage was annulled so I can marry in the Catholic Church. I would want to marry in the Catholic Church. The requisite permission has already been granted by the authorities that alone can grant them.

The real question was whether after being alone this long i could re-marry and be successful?
Jul 13th 2013 new
(quote) Jim-13836 said: My marriage was annulled so I can marry in the Catholic Church. I would want to marry in the Catholic Church. The requisite permission has already been granted by the authorities that alone can grant them.

The real question was whether after being alone this long i could re-marry and be successful?
Jim, I have been single again for 15 years. I HOPE it won't be too hard to adjust to being married again. I keep looking around at my things & wondering what I can do without when we join households. Then I wonder if all the little habits I've gotten used to living alone will have to be modified drastically. One of my major strengths is adaptability so I think I'll be ok. Some things, such as cooking for more than myself & attending church together are aspects I look forward to. Please pray for both of us as we move forward into a new life together. theheart

P.S. I'm so glad I took the time to seek an annulment way back when just in case!
Jul 13th 2013 new
So do I. I like having options. Just don't know if I'll need them, but i like having them.
Jul 14th 2013 new
(quote) Mike-970483 said: Time?. We are not guaranteed our next breath. How can anyone suggest waiting Months, Years etc. God knows we all need a help mate, whether it is a Friend, Soul Mate or Husband/Wife.
Mike, I agree with you. And with John who says, "As for healing, be it from divorce or any other life situation that each of us has faced, we all deal in very, very different ways."

I will like to present another point of view which is that dating is precisely what can help one heal after divorce. It certainly did for me. (And FYI, just because you date someone does not mean you have sex with them.)

I did all the "right" things when my former husband and I broke up....I went to counseling, attended the divorce support group at church (an extremely unhelpful and negative experience for me, personally, but I know is good for others), spent a lot of time with my parents and family, read everything I could find that dealt with the end of one's marriage and most of all, went to daily Mass and recited the rosary constantly, even in the car with a CD of Catholic prayers. Yet, I found myself day in and day out lying in bed, lonely and sad.

Dating changed that for me. I won't go into the gory details of what ended my marriage but suffice it to say that I did not cause it. It was forced upon me and the pain was barbaric. Brutal. I suffered a great deal. But I am a good woman to a man and a catch, if I do say so myself, so I accepted an offer to go to dinner with a gentleman. (It took mere days to get my Lack of Form Annulment.) No, I didn't want to be there, I wanted to be home with my husband but that was not going to happen so out I went and the feeling I got from that evening was palpable. I began to get my mojo back. I felt what it was to be wanted again. To be told I looked nice and made to laugh. And when I got a text message from my former husband that night I looked at my phone and put it down again, not caring. Because I was out enjoying myself and feeling good again. If I had been home alone and received that message I would have sobbed, begged God to make the pain stop and probably not have slept very much. Instead, I began to move forward with my life and HEAL in ways that being alone, contemplating the details of my divorce, would not have afforded me. Of course I was not ready for a serious relationship and I let the gentleman know from the start. We eventually parted ways but not before I began to feel happy again. Happy again!?! I didn't think that was possible.That was seven years ago and I have still not remarried because I do not want a second divorce and am being careful. But I'm ready, believe me.

I do not judge anyone as we all have our own ways of dealing with pain and loss, but I honestly do not understand this idea of waiting things out so much. Of being alone and lonely for an extended period of time, unhappy, just because other people say it's the "wise" thing to do. I do not see God wanting this for us. He wants His children to feel His love as seen through one another. Love is what is life-giving, not mourning! God calls us to be open to who he sends us. (And this includes those who do not yet have an annulment. Something fruitful can still happen, even if it is not romantic.) Yes, do the introspection and grow as a person and as a potential spouse for a future remarriage but for crying out loud, don't be a martyr. Put on a nice outfit, take pride in yourself and allow someone to tell you how awesome they think you are. Smile again. I believe this will help one heal way faster than wallowing in the pain of divorce.

I'll shut-up now. Blessings to us all.



Jul 15th 2013 new
(quote) John-973410 said: Joan,

I am dismayed at the stereotyping.

I invested heavily in almost every aspect of my marriage. I could go on and on about the sacrificial love I practiced in my marriage. As I look back, I see where I made "deals" with myself to stay in the marriage. I made a promise and an oath. I held up my end of the bargain. She didn't. To stereotype men of the world categorically into one class that just didn't invest as much emotionally into the relationship is a very broad brush stroke approach to this mess we all find ourselves in. Divorce.

I couldn't find the particular article you mentioned in the Huffington Post. I tried to look it up to see what you were talking about.

As I look back, I find that what my ex did to me was cruel. She used our intimacy as a tool and weapon. She used me in the last year of our marriage in so many different ways and I now know it. I see it. I am so very disappointed with myself that I was so blind. I feel used in the worst way.

But, you know what? I'm OK. I went through a jungle of fire to try to make my marriage work. I can't even begin to relate my background and what has gone on in the last twenty years of my marriage. However, this whole thing has had blessings in the most major way for me. I am only one year out of my marriage and I am content with my life as it is right now. I will be making changes again I'm sure, but I am OK with that. I know for certain that whoever finds me and sees me, truly sees me for who I am, will have discovered one heck of a guy that was kicked to the curb by someone who just did not understand him and his metal and his character. My ex overlooked so very much. I consider myself to be a find insofar as my character and devotion and loyalty.

As for healing, be it from divorce or any other life situation that each of us has faced, we all deal in very, very different ways. Some better than others. But no matter what, when you dig up bones, you are also bound to dig up emotion and feelings. No matter how much time has passed.

So, I go back to what I posed earlier. I don't place much emphasis on math and time.
Second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience! T. Jefferson (or so I'm told)
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