Thanks-- that makes up for some other posters' remarks made earlier; I appreciate it.
Hi Tracy, the real kicker to your reference about the gentleman saying "He'd let his future wife keep some old pictures around even if they had her deceased husband in them", was that he's a never married man.
Is it any wonder I don't feel comfortable sharing in this room for widows/widowers??
If you google water bugs and dragonflys there is a very good poem explaining death to children. Actually it is good for adults also, I was struggling with why God didn't heal my son, and my Priest sent it to me.....
Funeral homes often have pamphlets, booklets, or simple books that will help in this area. It never hurts to ask......
the funeral home sent me a book with Scriptural references on death but I found it extremely helpful that my Priest took a personal interest in helping work with me & give me advise on my loss. Also I saw the counselor who had counseled my son & me when he was younger. I have been told losing a child is one of the top ten stressors on people in general. When you combine that with it being such a major news story I am sure it did not help.....
I am also recently widowed, and I understand what Tracey is asking. Of course if we truly intend to follow God's will for us, we will remain open to whoever he sends, Divorcee's suffer from as real and painful a grief process as widows/widowers. But right now, still in the early loss stage, I am drawn to those who suffer the death of a loved one. It is so much easier to relate to a man who is sad about his previous marriage, but is without the bitterness and anger that is inevitable in the divorced. I think both forms of grief are legitimate, and I think that eventually it wont matter, but in this early stage, someone with a similar experience is just easier. Perhaps that has less to do with the way marriage was ended and more to do with my readiness to move on which may not be complete just yet. My question is this; do I have the right to be on this site if I'm still actively grieving for my husband? I'm here more for the compionship of similar situations then for a soulmate - yet! Should I cancel and come back in a year or two.
Stick around -- it'll be a good chance to share your feelings on the bad days -- and the good!!!
Linda, where is Algonac? I see it's in the Archdiocese of Detroit. I grew up in Dearborn Heights.
Hi Tracy, Algonac is about 45 miles Northeast of Detroit on the water. It's between Mt. Clemens and Port Huron.
Gotcha! Thanks, Linda.
Have you ever visited Venerable Fr. Solanus Casey's tomb / where he lived for so many years (died in 1959) at St. Bonaventure's in downtown Detroit? I have... I LOVE Fr. Solanus!!!
I am recently widowed after my dear husband Paul died in my arms (cancer). While he was ill, Paul gave me his blessing and permission to 'move forward' and did not want me to be alone. After being a member of CM since New Year's Eve 2012 (my birthday is New Year's Day), I am wondering if I ~ and any widow/widower ~ should limit their search for a partner/helpmate/future spouse to only other widows/widowers. Considering the unique circumstances, grief and pain of loss that we bear, is it possible that someone other than 'us' could ever truly relate?
Can a 'never married' or 'divorced' person ever understand and accept the path of married love that we had and lost? Help me out here...I'm trying to navigate my way through very murky and stormy waters...
p.s. Please don't beat me up. I am the child of divorced Catholic parents, so I DO have insight into both worlds. Unfortunately, I have now become a member of both unwelcome 'clubs'.
Hi Tracy, my sympathies on the loss of your husband. Remember to look to God first for healing and support.
In regards to your question, as one example, I am a never married - you never know what losses an individual may have experienced themselves since they may not write it on their profile. ie. loss of siblings, friends, parents, isolation, rejection etc.
For instance, when I 17 yrs. old, my beloved sister was killed while riding her bike on a sidewalk when a young man with epilepsy drove his car into her. And I know what it is like to grieve amongst adolescents who think it is a one week or one month story. And I've been caring for my Mom for that last decade with Alzheimer's.
I would say by 50 yrs. old - the majority of people have had some major life experiences. Everyone has some scars of which we are not aware. And some have developed great compassion inspite of some sort of obstacles and may have great faith and understanding.
I think it is best to see each person as an individual.
Blessings on your journey.
Andrea, I agree with everything you said. Of course, most people have suffered loss, heartbreak, and have carried heavy burdens, especially the older one gets. It's part of the human experience. How we approach and view these challenges is what makes us Catholics unique.
I am beginning to see things from a different perspective. Thank you all so much for your input. It's been very enlightening. I am satisfied that joining this site was indeed a wise decision.
Lady Tracy, indeed you are among some pretty special people here at Catholic Match.
Some members are wonderful to talk to in private and others to listen to within the forums and process their wisdom as we are ready. Lots of laughs to. Such levity can cushion the harder edges we all encounter.
Yes some are not so wise. Some may have hurtful words emulating from the way they process life events as they have experienced life events. They are part of the same community.......trying to make a better life.....make a better community one step at a time.
I am sorry for your loss and pray that you gather the resources to grow within the grieving process. That in itself would be a tribute to your husband.