(Quote) Tracy-929496 said:
Hi Linda, My family went there about 20 years ago to give thanks for 'healing' mom of...
(Quote) Tracy-929496 said:
My family went there about 20 years ago to give thanks for 'healing' mom of 99% probable cancer.
We prayed. We trusted. We received. We thanked.
Sadly, and for reasons completely unknown to me, we did the same ~ and MORE for Paul ~ yet, he was not healed.
Please, everyone, don't tell he that he WAS healed - in God's way. I KNOW that. But, no, he was not physically healed as we expected.
We trusted so completely and so expectantly and so confidently, relying on so many Promises. I'm not bitter, nor mad at God. I'm just very bewildered and my faith has been bruised. It's something I must struggle with and entrust to Our Lady to take care of, as I'm sure She will.
I pray daily for Jesus to restore, renew, refresh and revive my TRUST in Him. I've devoted the past 12 years of my life to spreading the Divine Mercy devotion. Perhaps the Lord decided I was ready to make the ultimate sacrifice / witness. I hope I don't let Him down. The Holy Spirit cannot deny the tearful plea of a widow(er), so this painful journey we widow(er)s must walk, we can be assured that we do not walk alone.
As Jesus told St. Faustina when she was at her wit's end... "Give me everything...give me your misery." Well, He can have it! Thank you, Jesus.
As one who has been angry, sad, fearful, pitiful...oh my the list could go on and on...I am convinced now that if we just give it to God, he will return to us what we need. My very dear friend, Fr. Fred Schmit used to quote Romans 8:28 to me and anyone who would listen, and it has gotten me through a lot "All things work for good for those who love God and are called to his purpose." I never knew the depth of Fr. Fred's pain until after he died. Yet, he held on to Romans 8:28, which I have also done. The night David died I prayed every prayer I could think of for God to save him, and then I feel to my knees and rested and prayed that God would do what was best for David and not me. God took David home right then and there in our driveway. I can now say with conviction that I am happy that David is no longer in pain and is where he was always heading. It took me a long time to get here, and the road was very difficult. But the peace I now feel about David's death and the freedom I feel to move on and make a new life is a true gift that I often wondered if I would ever have. It took four years to find that peace and in the last two years since I have found it, I have truly realized that God has so much beauty for me yet to experience.
The newness of David's death was often too hard to bear and I wondered in those first few years how I could possible continue to exist. I understand now that I had post traumatic stress. I watched David die and could do nothing to stop it from happening. I am told this is a classic situation for PTSD. Also, I've been told that I was quite normal to feel like there is something I could have done, so I've beat myself up on that one for quite a while.
The best advise I got was to keep talking to my friends and stay around my friends. Isolating yourself, especially for a woman, can be unnecessarily challenging. Each of us finds our own way. You sound like you are finding yours. I am so glad you are here and I am enjoying getting to know you. One of the best things CM has done for me is assure me that my experience is not unusual because others have been willing to write about theirs. Thank you for taking the risk and writing about yours, Tracy.