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Jan 26th 2013 new
With all the technology today, I would think it would take one click of a mouse to eliminate all possible/future perverts/sex offenders on this site before they even get on...It would make me feel a lot safer to know that everyone here had been completly checked out....
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Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said: You have to have some basic information about a person before running a background check. T...
(Quote) Jacqueline-556574 said:

You have to have some basic information about a person before running a background check. The background check is only as good as the entity producing the report, and you have to assure that you are looking at information about the correct person.

Better, I suggest exchanging parish registrations when things begin to turn into a relationship, as well as just asking questions that you want to know.
--hide--
True, Jacqueline. There are different means of conducting background checks, but, to my knowledge, there isn't any single site that is totally comprehensive, 100% accurate and current. Even restricted law enforcement sites don't contain everything. All of these have limitations and different functions.

It doesn't hurt, though, to use the available resources -- even a Google check can be revealing, plus the social networking sites. To do an accurate background check, it's necessary to have a full name, DOB, and, for some, a social security number. Not likely to happen with someone you haven't met yet.

So as not to frighten the ladies, I would venture to say that nearly everyone on this site is legitimate. That's comforting -- to both genders. Scamming seems to be close to non-existent on CM and we've rarely heard of such incidents. That doesn't mean we shouldn't use common sense. There's always a need for that.

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Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: True, Jacqueline. There are different means of conducting background checks, but, to my knowledge, ...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

True, Jacqueline. There are different means of conducting background checks, but, to my knowledge, there isn't any single site that is totally comprehensive, 100% accurate and current. Even restricted law enforcement sites don't contain everything. All of these have limitations and different functions.

It doesn't hurt, though, to use the available resources -- even a Google check can be revealing, plus the social networking sites. To do an accurate background check, it's necessary to have a full name, DOB, and, for some, a social security number. Not likely to happen with someone you haven't met yet.

So as not to frighten the ladies, I would venture to say that nearly everyone on this site is legitimate. That's comforting -- to both genders. Scamming seems to be close to non-existent on CM and we've rarely heard of such incidents. That doesn't mean we shouldn't use common sense. There's always a need for that.

--hide--


Ray, I don't want anyone to be frightened either, and CM does a great job of removing scammers that manage to get on (usually I think within several hours (I know as I've reported several of them.) That said, there have been men on here that shouldn't be - you likely have not heard about these as if women discuss these it's generally in the Women's forum. There are one or two that I definitely remember hearing about in the last 6 months (so not a large number), and I'm sure CM removed their profiles within a day or two. And, I think at least in one of these cases the CM lady had foundout about his extremely seedy, if not criminal, history by doing some googling. There are also men on here that say that they are divorced when they are only separated (when CM is notified about this, they again deal with it in a prompt manner removing the man's profile).

I do think it would be useful though, if CM did run people through a criminal database and/or sex offenders database. I don't know how difficult or costly this would be. (I think at least some of these checks are free). It would be easier for CM to do it because they have full info on people including last name and could also ask people for date of birth (and possibly even social security number although I know many people would likely not want to give that for privacy purposes). But date of birth would also allow CM to correct the problem of so many men and women lying about their ages (which drives me crazy - come on guys - if you're over 50 or 60 just tell your true age - the person you meet that you like is going to find out anyhow eventually - and if someone lied to me about their age, I would wonder what else they were lying about which would create mistrust in a new relationship which would effectively end that new relationship - Sorry for the digression here.)

Anyway, better to be safe than sorry (as they say)!

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Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Ray, I don't want anyone to be frightened either, and CM does a great job of removi...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Ray, I don't want anyone to be frightened either, and CM does a great job of removing scammers that manage to get on (usually I think within several hours (I know as I've reported several of them.) That said, there have been men on here that shouldn't be - you likely have not heard about these as if women discuss these it's generally in the Women's forum. There are one or two that I definitely remember hearing about in the last 6 months (so not a large number), and I'm sure CM removed their profiles within a day or two. And, I think at least in one of these cases the CM lady had foundout about his extremely seedy, if not criminal, history by doing some googling. There are also men on here that say that they are divorced when they are only separated (when CM is notified about this, they again deal with it in a prompt manner removing the man's profile).

I do think it would be useful though, if CM did run people through a criminal database and/or sex offenders database. I don't know how difficult or costly this would be. (I think at least some of these checks are free). It would be easier for CM to do it because they have full info on people including last name and could also ask people for date of birth (and possibly even social security number although I know many people would likely not want to give that for privacy purposes). But date of birth would also allow CM to correct the problem of so many men and women lying about their ages (which drives me crazy - come on guys - if you're over 50 or 60 just tell your true age - the person you meet that you like is going to find out anyhow eventually - and if someone lied to me about their age, I would wonder what else they were lying about which would create mistrust in a new relationship which would effectively end that new relationship - Sorry for the digression here.)

Anyway, better to be safe than sorry (as they say)!

--hide--
It's unfortunate to think that a little paranoia must be injected. All-in-all, this is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Yes, Pat -- a few bad apples can do a lot of damage.

CM, as well as other dating sites, seem to place most responsibility upon its members to be vigilant. There's nothing like a woman's "gut instinct" (or intuition).

A problem with background checks is that in most cases, different sources would have to be used. This would be cumbersome and expensive (with the costs passed on to us, logically). There is the criminal element to consider; and if you want to get into credit, you'll need different sources. Even the 3 primary credit info companies differ in their information. Also, it's becoming a policy to have written permission from the individual to allow record/credit checks. Online providers of information often have different levels of background checking -- obviously each level increasing in price. There is also the issue of keeping information current. It is ever-changing. Also, background info isn't absolutely current. Some resources might be at least a few months behind; or at least a month at best.

Resources vary among the states. Some info is available online; some states do not have information so easily available.

If CM people pay via credit card, at least the name given and that listed on the account should match up, unless a person is using another family member's card. It's possible that a person could use someone else's card entirely, but that would involve conspiracy.

Most "crooks" look for easy scores -- they don't want to spend weeks or months cultivating sources of ill-gotten funds. They need to do their thing and make a fast get-away. The longer they linger, the better the chances are of their being discovered and identified.

As with anything else, checking can be carried to extremes. If a person feels she/he must check out each individual, perhaps online dating isn't a good place to be.

Caution and pre-caution? Yes. Paranoia -- no.

LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: It's unfortunate to think that a little paranoia must be injected. All-in-all, this is supposed...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

It's unfortunate to think that a little paranoia must be injected. All-in-all, this is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Yes, Pat -- a few bad apples can do a lot of damage.

CM, as well as other dating sites, seem to place most responsibility upon its members to be vigilant. There's nothing like a woman's "gut instinct" (or intuition).

A problem with background checks is that in most cases, different sources would have to be used. This would be cumbersome and expensive (with the costs passed on to us, logically). There is the criminal element to consider; and if you want to get into credit, you'll need different sources. Even the 3 primary credit info companies differ in their information. Also, it's becoming a policy to have written permission from the individual to allow record/credit checks. Online providers of information often have different levels of background checking -- obviously each level increasing in price. There is also the issue of keeping information current. It is ever-changing. Also, background info isn't absolutely current. Some resources might be at least a few months behind; or at least a month at best.

Resources vary among the states. Some info is available online; some states do not have information so easily available.

If CM people pay via credit card, at least the name given and that listed on the account should match up, unless a person is using another family member's card. It's possible that a person could use someone else's card entirely, but that would involve conspiracy.

Most "crooks" look for easy scores -- they don't want to spend weeks or months cultivating sources of ill-gotten funds. They need to do their thing and make a fast get-away. The longer they linger, the better the chances are of their being discovered and identified.

As with anything else, checking can be carried to extremes. If a person feels she/he must check out each individual, perhaps online dating isn't a good place to be.

Caution and pre-caution? Yes. Paranoia -- no.

--hide--


I can understand concerns about security and that CM should try and filter out undesirable people. However, due to the logistics of implementing such a filtering system(and the costs!), I think that it is better that members exercise their own due diligence and caution. Many members have cited examples of how they proceeded with meetings, encounters, etc.

This is a social site and also a human site. In real life there are people(and businesses) who exhibit unethical behaviour. While I yearn too to be insulated from such people/businesses/situations, its not reality. Most times my BS protector and gut instincts do work. I guess for me it comes down to: I am responsible.

OK...time for me to get off the soap box!

LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: It's unfortunate to think that a little paranoia must be injected. All-in-all, this is supposed...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

It's unfortunate to think that a little paranoia must be injected. All-in-all, this is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Yes, Pat -- a few bad apples can do a lot of damage.

CM, as well as other dating sites, seem to place most responsibility upon its members to be vigilant. There's nothing like a woman's "gut instinct" (or intuition).

A problem with background checks is that in most cases, different sources would have to be used. This would be cumbersome and expensive (with the costs passed on to us, logically). There is the criminal element to consider; and if you want to get into credit, you'll need different sources. Even the 3 primary credit info companies differ in their information. Also, it's becoming a policy to have written permission from the individual to allow record/credit checks. Online providers of information often have different levels of background checking -- obviously each level increasing in price. There is also the issue of keeping information current. It is ever-changing. Also, background info isn't absolutely current. Some resources might be at least a few months behind; or at least a month at best.

Resources vary among the states. Some info is available online; some states do not have information so easily available.

If CM people pay via credit card, at least the name given and that listed on the account should match up, unless a person is using another family member's card. It's possible that a person could use someone else's card entirely, but that would involve conspiracy.

Most "crooks" look for easy scores -- they don't want to spend weeks or months cultivating sources of ill-gotten funds. They need to do their thing and make a fast get-away. The longer they linger, the better the chances are of their being discovered and identified.

As with anything else, checking can be carried to extremes. If a person feels she/he must check out each individual, perhaps online dating isn't a good place to be.

Caution and pre-caution? Yes. Paranoia -- no.

--hide--


Ray, I think you're looking at this more from the point of view that a scammer would just be after money, and that is true generally. I think what most women are concerned about on a dating site though is men who would hurt them in some way - be it lying to them, assault and/or rape, etc. And, obviously this is not as much of a worry for men (since generally they are physically larger/stronger than women). And, this has been known to happen. There are 2 incidents out in the press now about what happened to women on match.com. One woman is in the hospital - almost lost her life. The second woman was raped I think and she settled out of court with match. com. The woman in hospital has filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit. After the out-of court settlement, Match.com did slightly alter some of it's procedures. This current case though may totally change the way online dating sites do business because however this suit is settled will likely affect the way all of these sites handle things.

I would hope that the men on this site would be a bit more sensitive to the concerns of the CM ladies. I myself in the past spoke to a gentleman with impeccable credentials - symphony conductor, doctorate degree, lived in a very nice suburban area, supposedly good Catholic. In the course of our first telephone conversation (and fortunately I had not given him my phone number and blocked my number) toward the end of our conversation he told me how he had considered killing his ex-wife and then killing himself. He also sounded extremely angry towards her. I suggested to him that perhaps it would be beneficial to him if he saw a therapist, and he said that he was seeing 2 therapists but it wasn't doing any good. He also said he was restrained from seeing his children (thank God). So, of course, I said goodbye and good luck, and he then sent me a quite nasty message on the site (which was another Catholic site). This is the kind of thing women are worried about. What if he hadn't revealed these things and I had gone to meet him? The kind of anger he had could result in him lashing out at any woman. Now, could a background check have stopped this? Possibly, depending if there had been a police record, which I think was entirely possible since he had a restraining order against him. And, since I didn't have his last name and most men will not give out there last name right away, there was no way for me to do any kind of So, I do think that it would be helpful if the internet dating sites were able to do at least some type of minimal criminal/sex offender checking, and my guess is that at some point in the future that is what will happen, because otherwise I think in this litigious society we live in, the lawsuits are bound to multiply.

LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new

You can find your local sex offenders here: www.offendexdata.com eyepopping

LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-645007 said: You can find your local sex offenders here: www.offendexdata.com
(Quote) Jerry-645007 said:

You can find your local sex offenders here: www.offendexdata.com

--hide--


Hi Jerry, thanks for posting this. I put in my zip code, and the smallest search criteria was 5 miles, and 517 sex offenders came up - yikes! Now, I do live near downtown in a big city, so 5 miles can take one into some pretty bad neighborhoods (as in ghetto), so I will take this with a grain of salt. But, it does show, that we all have to be a bit more careful I think (or else move out to the middle of nowhere, but I've been looking for that place and can't seem to find it!)rolling eyes

LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Ray, I think you're looking at this more from the point of view that a scammer would just be afte...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Ray, I think you're looking at this more from the point of view that a scammer would just be after money, and that is true generally. I think what most women are concerned about on a dating site though is men who would hurt them in some way - be it lying to them, assault and/or rape, etc. And, obviously this is not as much of a worry for men (since generally they are physically larger/stronger than women). And, this has been known to happen. There are 2 incidents out in the press now about what happened to women on match.com. One woman is in the hospital - almost lost her life. The second woman was raped I think and she settled out of court with match. com. The woman in hospital has filed a $10 million dollar lawsuit. After the out-of court settlement, Match.com did slightly alter some of it's procedures. This current case though may totally change the way online dating sites do business because however this suit is settled will likely affect the way all of these sites handle things.

I would hope that the men on this site would be a bit more sensitive to the concerns of the CM ladies. I myself in the past spoke to a gentleman with impeccable credentials - symphony conductor, doctorate degree, lived in a very nice suburban area, supposedly good Catholic. In the course of our first telephone conversation (and fortunately I had not given him my phone number and blocked my number) toward the end of our conversation he told me how he had considered killing his ex-wife and then killing himself. He also sounded extremely angry towards her. I suggested to him that perhaps it would be beneficial to him if he saw a therapist, and he said that he was seeing 2 therapists but it wasn't doing any good. He also said he was restrained from seeing his children (thank God). So, of course, I said goodbye and good luck, and he then sent me a quite nasty message on the site (which was another Catholic site). This is the kind of thing women are worried about. What if he hadn't revealed these things and I had gone to meet him? The kind of anger he had could result in him lashing out at any woman. Now, could a background check have stopped this? Possibly, depending if there had been a police record, which I think was entirely possible since he had a restraining order against him. And, since I didn't have his last name and most men will not give out there last name right away, there was no way for me to do any kind of So, I do think that it would be helpful if the internet dating sites were able to do at least some type of minimal criminal/sex offender checking, and my guess is that at some point in the future that is what will happen, because otherwise I think in this litigious society we live in, the lawsuits are bound to multiply.

--hide--


I agree Pat....I sincerely hope that something like this is implemented in the future (near)

I don't see it being a $ issue...It seems like with all these members, somthing could be done....What are we paying for anyways???
LOCKED
Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Sue-501768 said: I agree Pat....I sincerely hope that something like this is implemented in the future (near) <...
(Quote) Sue-501768 said:

I agree Pat....I sincerely hope that something like this is implemented in the future (near)

I don't see it being a $ issue...It seems like with all these members, somthing could be done....What are we paying for anyways???
--hide--



I think it will end up happening with the lawsuits that are starting. And, once Match.com does it, the other sites will likely follow. I really wonder what it would cost. I know you can get a credit check done on someone for $50 (because that is what is commonly charged to new renters in Chicago high-rises). I don't know what the criminal databases or sexoffender registries charge or if they are even free. Does anyone know?

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