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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Sarah-901988 said: I found a lot of good food for thought in this article: www.relevantmagazine.com.
(Quote) Sarah-901988 said:

I found a lot of good food for thought in this article: www.relevantmagazine.com

I found these bits from the first section particularly interesting:

"I’m intensely certain that nothing in life has ever made me more angry, frustrated or annoyed than my wife. Inevitably, just when I think I’ve given all I can possibly give, she somehow finds a way to ask for more.

The worst part of it all is that her demands aren’t unreasonable. One day she expects me to stay emotionally engaged. The next, she's looking for me to validate the way that she feels. The list goes on—but never ventures far from things she perfectly well deserves as a wife.

Unfortunately for her, deserving or not, her needs often compete with my self-focus. I know it shouldn’t be this way, but I am selfish and stubborn and, overall, human."


" . . . contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow."


Love can draw us out of ourselves, to see more clearly the other person (their perspective, their needs, their dignity). The "drawing out" can be a challenge, but is beautiful and worthwhile.

Thoughts on the article?

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As one who has been married before, upon reading the article I do not know how I feel, but it certainly is thought provoking. Indeed very interesting article. Great research Sarah. Thank you!





Jan 26th 2013 new

Great article Sarah, Thank you for sharing.

My husband's love and service for me always help me to change behaviors/attitudes that needed changing.

I notice in my dealings with customers who are very negative, that when I consistently treat them with genuine friendliness/concern, dignity and respect, the best is brought forward in them.

Jan 26th 2013 new

Sarah,

This is a beautiful and pertinent article, if taken to heart and applied there would be so many happy and successful marriages.

theheart

Jan 26th 2013 new

Great words to think about. Thanks you for sharing!


hug

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: From a popular song in 1967 that I never heard then, because I was in Vietnam..."...Living ain&...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

From a popular song in 1967 that I never heard then, because I was in Vietnam..."...Living ain't easy, Loving's twice as tough. Come back Baby when you grow up ...." sung by Bobby Vee.

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Bob I just want to take the time to acknowledge the fact that you are the only man who has so far had the courage to contribute to this thread. clap Bow thumbsup thumbsup

Just thinking here. But maybe be it's because the article is about men realizing that their view in marriage might need to change and that is hard for ther men to acknowledge that in public. scratchchin Help me out my fellow Catholic brother's in Christ. I do not want to continue in my false assumptions about your fears. wink

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Bob I just want to take the time to acknowledge the fact that you are the only man who has so far...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Bob I just want to take the time to acknowledge the fact that you are the only man who has so far had the courage to contribute to this thread.

Just thinking here. But maybe be it's because the article is about men realizing that their view in marriage might need to change and that is hard for ther men to acknowledge that in public. Help me out my fellow Catholic brother's in Christ. I do not want to continue in my false assumptions about your fears.

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Shara - I didn't realize that until I just checked.

I think many people don't consciously realize they must place the other person first... even when they think they might be doing that. I realize how I let the girl from 42 years ago (I've written about) get away, not really "hearing" her last communication w/ me. She had made a last-second attempt to save our relationship, and I didn't read that correctly. Need now to realize that the other is often struggling to communicate, and we don't receive that message = Loving's twice as tough.

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: Shara - I didn't realize that until I just checked. I think many people don'...
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

Shara - I didn't realize that until I just checked.

I think many people don't consciously realize they must place the other person first... even when they think they might be doing that. I realize how I let the girl from 42 years ago (I've written about) get away, not really "hearing" her last communication w/ me. She had made a last-second attempt to save our relationship, and I didn't read that correctly. Need now to realize that the other is often struggling to communicate, and we don't receive that message = Loving's twice as tough.

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Bob you are such an unashamed hopless romantic and I LOVE IT. It takes courage to be that sort of fella. clap hug

Jan 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Shara-929649 said: Bob you are such an unashamed hopless romantic and I LOVE IT. It takes courage to be that sort of...
(Quote) Shara-929649 said:

Bob you are such an unashamed hopless romantic and I LOVE IT. It takes courage to be that sort of fella.

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The last two months have been torment remembering her, but I see that has a loving God still teaching me. It's rare to meet a potential match like she was, and so easy to let her slip away.

If I can get others to think, it's still the former Teacher in me.

Maybe like Ebenezer Scrooge let his beloved slip away, and also how it's important to recognize when a good person like Fizziwig (sp?) appears.

Jan 27th 2013 new

I see that this thread could use another male perspective. (Thanks Bob for wading in.)

As a veteran of what I believed was a wonderful 14-year marriage, I whole-heartedly concur with the author's conclusion that marriage is not about happiness. (Yes, I am a melancholic smile ) I would add that marriage is really about servanthood - to God through one another.

Another author that greatly helped me to heal and to forgive my ex and myself is Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his writings about what the Bible was telling us in Ephesians 5:33 - in particular that men and women respond to and are naturally motivated quite diffently by love and respect.

Check it out: http://loveandrespect.com

Jan 27th 2013 new

Hi Sarah, Many very good points. The need quotient is fluid, and often requires more than one partner has left to give. Folks who have God in the relationship draw a little extra supporting grace back in those times. Marriages are somewhat like info systems : Good Input gives Good Output.


I lean toward agreement that for many a free will choice of support for one's partner needs to trump career goals.


Very good point on parenting.

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