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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Dating after 45

01/25/2013 new

I wonder why dating after 45 so often seems more difficult than it was when we were younger. At our age, we have the benefit of more life experiences. We have a better idea not only of what we want, but also what qualities are important in a potential mate. We've learned from past mistakes and, importantly, we're not (completely) driven by hormones. So, what's going on?

01/25/2013 new

(Quote) Brad-937504 said: I wonder why dating after 45 so often seems more difficult than it was when we were younger. At ou...
(Quote) Brad-937504 said:

I wonder why dating after 45 so often seems more difficult than it was when we were younger. At our age, we have the benefit of more life experiences. We have a better idea not only of what we want, but also what qualities are important in a potential mate. We've learned from past mistakes and, importantly, we're not (completely) driven by hormones. So, what's going on?

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harvardmagazine.com

"For those over 45, the world of dating is more complicated for a variety of reasons, ranging from the logistical to the emotional. For many, returning to that scene after divorce or the death of a spouse means adapting to new modes of social networking, such as Internet dating sites. For others, “putting yourself out there” requires gearing up emotionally and physically after a long hiatus—or being more open about who “the right” person might be. For everyone older—and less energetic—facing the risk of rejection takes courage, creativity, and resilience: in short, more personal effort."

“But mature love is really about caring for someone else’s well-being,” ... “It’s about putting up with people’s imperfections, their struggles—sometimes illnesses—and knowing who they are and helping them have a good life with you. It’s not all about you.”


“After age 45, single people face a fork in the road,” says Rachel Greenwald, Ed.M. ’87, M.B.A. ’93, a dating coach based in Denver and the author of Find a Husband after 35 (Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School). “Either they decide they are happy with their life the way it is, and take the chance that Mr. or Ms. Right will land on the doorstep serendipitously,” or they grow outside their comfort zone—asking “coworkers, your Realtor, your stock broker, your neighbors, and other people you barely know to fix you up with people, going on speed dates and lunch dates…it can feel embarrassing,” Greenwald continues. “But I see it as empowering—to take things into your own hands and be active. That is how the game is played after 45.”

01/25/2013 new
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said: harvardmagazine.com "...
(Quote) Rosemarie-744159 said:


harvardmagazine.com

"But mature love is really about caring for someone else’s well-being,” ... “It’s about putting up with people’s imperfections, their struggles—sometimes illnesses—and knowing who they are and helping them have a good life with you. It’s not all about you.”

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Excellent post, Rosemarie. Now I want to read the entire article, even if it is from Harvard (Go Penn!). : ) But even though there are some difficulties that are unique to those over 45, don't you think that we're better equipped to handle them now? I think that most people in our age group have a much better sense of who they are, than than they may have when they were younger.
01/25/2013 new
(Quote) Brad-937504 said: I wonder why dating after 45 so often seems more difficult than it was when we were younger. At our age, we hav...
(Quote) Brad-937504 said:

I wonder why dating after 45 so often seems more difficult than it was when we were younger. At our age, we have the benefit of more life experiences. We have a better idea not only of what we want, but also what qualities are important in a potential mate. We've learned from past mistakes and, importantly, we're not (completely) driven by hormones. So, what's going on?

--hide--
Part of the difficulty IS that we DO have more life experience, know what we want and the important qualities we want to see in a mate. We also have emotional, spiritual and mental handicaps that factor into our reluctance to be the free spirits we were as younguns! I like that word. I also feel that there has to be a healing process after a divorce and a final peace as to who you are NOW, do you like who you are and if not, continue to work on yourself until you do. Learn not to compare, judge, or change this new person in your life. Relax, be your new self (which is actually a better old self), and see where it goes. I was watching a clip on the Today show this am and it was about the Internet changing the rules of old fashioned romance and communication ( I may be putting a spin on that title). In essence, the face to face emotions, body language, flirting and touching are eliminated. You are learning about a person without the initial comfort of knowing what they look like, expressions, voice and I am adding their personal essence and touch. If you know all that and you are writing a letter or email, you cam imagine their reaction and it is not as foreign. They were saying something about cyber flirting, how easy it is to be someone else if you want not only in that area of course. I think it is more difficult in real life to be where you will meet people of dating interest when you get older. Think about that...we actually have to seek interaction rather than it happening as easily as when we were younger. I will have to think on this a little bit longer, Brad and get back to you. Eileen
01/25/2013 new

I think it's easier dating now than at 20. Mostly because then the biggest concern was: am I good enough? Now I know I'm good enough. So I can focus on being myself and be open to find whoever is best for me. Back then, someone being interested in me was the greatest reward possible as it showed I had value. Oh such bottomless insecurity I fought not to drown in.

01/26/2013 new
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Part of the difficulty IS that we DO have more life experience, know what we want and the important qualities we ...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Part of the difficulty IS that we DO have more life experience, know what we want and the important qualities we want to see in a mate. Eileen
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Exactly. I have much stronger opinions on several topics than I did when I was younger. I can't just throw away my life experience when looking for a wife as if it didn't matter. If getting me matched was rough when I was younger, it will only be harder when I am older-- and other eligible people my age will have the very same problem. The potter's clay hardens with age.
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