Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jan 29th 2013 new

So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a car accident and is horribly disfigured? You may have found her insightful, intelligent, with similar faith and goals, but then when you're staring at a face mared by burns and scars, what then? Will you forgo your vows and relationship because of her now appearance?

And what about the inevitable aging? What if her mind goes? So she's now wrinkly and saggy with faded eyes and a declining mental state?

Its important not to confuse attraction as a physical sensation vs. attraction as a mental sensation. Its like love and lust. You learn to be attracted to someone when you learn to love them.

Sure, physical attraction has its place, afterall, God made all those nice little hormones for a purpose. But it must be placed within its proper context, to place looks as a deal breaker is just assinine and unGodly.

Not to mention, there's the other niggling issue of "what is attractive?" Are you relying on society to determine what you think is attractive? The fake, plastic appearnce of women who have been photoshopped?

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a ca...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a car accident and is horribly disfigured? You may have found her insightful, intelligent, with similar faith and goals, but then when you're staring at a face mared by burns and scars, what then? Will you forgo your vows and relationship because of her now appearance?

And what about the inevitable aging? What if her mind goes? So she's now wrinkly and saggy with faded eyes and a declining mental state?

Its important not to confuse attraction as a physical sensation vs. attraction as a mental sensation. Its like love and lust. You learn to be attracted to someone when you learn to love them.

Sure, physical attraction has its place, afterall, God made all those nice little hormones for a purpose. But it must be placed within its proper context, to place looks as a deal breaker is just assinine and unGodly.

Not to mention, there's the other niggling issue of "what is attractive?" Are you relying on society to determine what you think is attractive? The fake, plastic appearnce of women who have been photoshopped?

--hide--

Thanks for your post as I think that it highlighted to me that may be what is being said is not being understood as it was meant at all.

We are not saying that we are focusing solely on looks at all. I am not sure why you are thinking that or where that was said. That is society's notion not my own. It would be unGodly to objectify and or view another human being in such an unholistic manner. I think that to seperate the person from their whole is to limit their dignity and I for one want to be part of the crowd that elevates human dignity.

I think that physical attraction is definitely part of the package but I repeat that what you find attractive may be different and changes with age. So I expect that I will still think that my husband is the most handsome guy in the whole wide world ( even if everyone else around me thinks he is butt ugly now and in the future) when he is wrinkled and grey or even horribly disfigured. I will think because I am attracted to him phydically as well as mentally and emotionally which cements the package.

I also want to correct that I do not see phycial attraction as mental stimulation. It goes much deeper than that and is extremely personal. If you read some of my earlier posts I even address that the media and fashion industry's notion of beauty is both unrealistic and unattainable. I would think that most of the people on this site agree. We are just saying that we want to be attracted to our spouses. Whatever that is for each person.

For me at least it starts with an attraction that is amplified by their personality and their ability to love God and others. I could not love a beautiful man with an ugly soul or who was not intelligent. Not that I say people who are like that are without dignity but I do not feel attratected to that. Some people do. Hope that clears it up. I am truly sorry if my posts indicated that it was okay to be superficial.

Jan 29th 2013 new

I think Michaela and Lauren are hitting on a very important topic, particularly as attraction relates to online dating. Attraction is not only visual. Yet initially with the online medium of viewing profiles, the picture is often given more weight than it would be in person. I think people in general are more attractive in person - when you can see them laugh, see the light behind their eyes, see their compassion as they reach out to someone. The life in a person, what animates them, is key to attraction! I've noticed that really skilled photographers can capture this (the emotion, personality and person behind the face), and that is precisely why they are considered skilled. Yet most of our photos posted here are simple shots and don't often capture more than a flat image.

In my own experience, there have been people who became attractive to me (physically as well) only after I grew to know their personality or virtue or sense of humor. In that regard, I do not think physical attraction is always the spark the leads to deeper connection. I think sometimes a deeper connection (of faith, personality, humor) can lead to physical attraction. At least for me. That progression is much less likely to happen in online dating where we view pictures and words first before ever encountering the person.

Many people look at a flat ill-presented idea of Christ and reject him. Yet many who encountered him in the gospels (think about those fishermen who in one moment dropped their nets and left everything!) were profoundly impacted by his presence. Obviously, we aren't Christ biggrin but we are made in his image. A person is more than images and words (just as Christ is). And attraction is more than visual. It helps me to remember those things as I look at profiles and allow the opportunity to encounter the person. I do think attraction is an essential component of a solid relationship (and like the rest of you, I wouldn't want to marry someone I wasn't attracted too!!), but I don't think it has to come first and I also think the online medium of meeting people often stifles it.

Thanks Lauren and Michaela for some good food for thought!

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-144650 said: I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personalit...
(Quote) Brian-144650 said:

I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personality, looks, values, etc..is illogical.

For me the person needs to be attractive (looks), mesh with my personality, and share my faith/values. I cannot imagine dating someone, and I have attempted, who only shares my faith/values but I'm not attracted to them or we don't quite mesh personality wise or even 2 of the 3.

thoughts?

--hide--
I would prioritize it this way: Looks, Faith/Values, and Personality. angel

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: I think this is one of those things that is especially problematic with online meeting....
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

I think this is one of those things that is especially problematic with online meeting. Attraction is tied up in so many things and so many facets and even the homliest of males can be powerfully attractive because they exude masculinity or have a deep bear laugh that transforms their face. And, the same for women. I have never considered myself beautiful, not hideous, just plain and ordinary, but my husband thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he really thought that. The things that truly make a person beautiful can't be guaged by a photograph and a few emotigrams. And, even purely physcial beauty is variable and differentially appreciated by others. A person may be ordinary at first glance and then they smile, or they have remarkable eyes or beautiful hands or any number of single traits that can reach out and spark another's interest. But, as others have noted, if there is no inner beauty then the initial physical beauty pales.

--hide--
Very well said, Lauren. highfive

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a ca...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a car accident and is horribly disfigured? You may have found her insightful, intelligent, with similar faith and goals, but then when you're staring at a face mared by burns and scars, what then? Will you forgo your vows and relationship because of her now appearance?

And what about the inevitable aging? What if her mind goes? So she's now wrinkly and saggy with faded eyes and a declining mental state?

Its important not to confuse attraction as a physical sensation vs. attraction as a mental sensation. Its like love and lust. You learn to be attracted to someone when you learn to love them.

Sure, physical attraction has its place, afterall, God made all those nice little hormones for a purpose. But it must be placed within its proper context, to place looks as a deal breaker is just assinine and unGodly.

Not to mention, there's the other niggling issue of "what is attractive?" Are you relying on society to determine what you think is attractive? The fake, plastic appearnce of women who have been photoshopped?

--hide--

I understand that you reacted to my post assuming I aim to uphold some Barbie ideal and frown upon those who can't live up to it. But I don't.

What I mean is simply to take care of one's body as the tempel of God it is. The surface of the temple will change as time passes by, but the presence of God in it won't. As some people find some churches more attractive than others, due to our differences in taste, so do we find some people more attractive than others even if our God is the same. If I am to marry someone I have to be physically attracted to her as well as mentally and spiritually. To me, none of those parts is more important than the other. They are equally important. If the equilibrium lies somewhere else for you, fine. But pretty please, can we hold back on the ungodly statements. Dove

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Monica-730858 said: I think that as long as we don't have unrealistic expectations, it is okay not to settle. Fo...
(Quote) Monica-730858 said:

I think that as long as we don't have unrealistic expectations, it is okay not to settle. Forever is a very long time and I cannot imagine spending it with someone who isn't easy to be around, doesn't "get me" or who I'm not attracted to. While a shared faith is the most important thing, and it is rare to find that these days, I don't think one of these things has to be exclusive to the others. If we are truly trying to seek, recognize and do God's will and not our own, then He will take care of the rest. If our vocation is marriage He will open those doors for us. Don't expect perfection, but don't settle either.

--hide--
A little time out from the topic....

to say, "Welcome" to Monica. You've found the CM forums!!! It's a place where you'll be able to share knowledge, wisdom, faith and humor with others. It's also a good place to get acquainted with many people who post here.

Join us often!!! biggrin hug

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Naomi-698107 said: So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a ca...
(Quote) Naomi-698107 said:

So what happens if you marry the gal of your dreams, pretty as a peach, and then she gets in a car accident and is horribly disfigured? You may have found her insightful, intelligent, with similar faith and goals, but then when you're staring at a face mared by burns and scars, what then? Will you forgo your vows and relationship because of her now appearance?

And what about the inevitable aging? What if her mind goes? So she's now wrinkly and saggy with faded eyes and a declining mental state?

Its important not to confuse attraction as a physical sensation vs. attraction as a mental sensation. Its like love and lust. You learn to be attracted to someone when you learn to love them.

Sure, physical attraction has its place, afterall, God made all those nice little hormones for a purpose. But it must be placed within its proper context, to place looks as a deal breaker is just assinine and unGodly.

Not to mention, there's the other niggling issue of "what is attractive?" Are you relying on society to determine what you think is attractive? The fake, plastic appearnce of women who have been photoshopped?

--hide--
Leave it to Naomi to provide a reality check. She tells it like it is -- directly; very directly.

Welcome back, Naomi!!! biggrin

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Leave it to Naomi to provide a reality check. She tells it like it is -- directly; very directly
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Leave it to Naomi to provide a reality check. She tells it like it is -- directly; very directly

--hide--

Direct is all fine, accurate and based on what's really been said is even better. Reality... checked!

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-144650 said: I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personalit...
(Quote) Brian-144650 said:

I'm thinking the oft referred to dating question of, what is most important faith, personality, looks, values, etc..is illogical.

For me the person needs to be attractive (looks), mesh with my personality, and share my faith/values. I cannot imagine dating somone, and I have attempted, who only shares my faith/values but I'm not attracted to them or we don't quite mesh personality wise or even 2 of the 3.

thoughts?

--hide--

As long as you realize that looks aren't every and insist only on a supermodel type I think you fine. Being realistic is a big part of it.

Posts 31 - 40 of 49