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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Do you know HOW to build a relationship with a Man, Ladies?

Men, Do you know how to build a relationship with a Woman?

Do you think it is important to ask each other questions?


HOW DO you go about building an attachment to another person?

THINK ABOUT THIS.


Some persons have never learned basic relationship skills, basics in interacting and in sharing time together.

Lets discuss.

Jan 27th 2013 new

My concern rises from my continued experience where men who are supposedly interested in me, fail to ask me any questions about myself unless I bring this up. If I bring it up - it kind of kills the moment, wouldn't you say?

Yes-- I am a gifted listener but a relationship consists of two people taking an interest in each other and acting on that interest, doesn't it? If a man is only interested in what I can do for him, that kind of changes the dynamic immediately.... certainly I can do things
for a man,
But I can't fall in love with someone who does not ask about me, and then at the very least, listen to what I say.
Ladies, what say you? Can you relate?

Men can you relate?

Is there anything you think the other half of the equation needs to know?

Jan 27th 2013 new

Marian,

I believe that a good relationship first stems out of the desire to want to be friends. And yes Marian, if the person isn't even interested in asking about you, I certainly agree, it's not worth it. There's no desire to connect at that point and that's certainly no way to show if he actually cares.

For a man, the most important aspect in a marraige is to be chivalrous, even in the small ways. Get to know her, know what she likes, and find out what is important, but you can't do any of that without first knowing how to be a friend.

One of the things I've learned in my years so far is that there is a huge difference between being a friend with someone and being a co- dependent with someone. A co-dependent says, well I did this for you so I expect you to allow me to do ___ and furthermore you better be willing to let me do ____ because (this is the part that hides underneath the motive usually) you need me for ____ dont you?

A friend says, what can I do for you? without counting the cost. A friend admits when he can't do something but would be willing to make up for it in other ways. And finally, a friend does what he does for his friend for his or her sake, expecting nothing in return.

That's the starting point I think.

God bless,

Jim

Jan 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: My concern rises from my continued experience where men who are supposedly interested in me, fail...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

My concern rises from my continued experience where men who are supposedly interested in me, fail to ask me any questions about myself unless I bring this up. If I bring it up - it kind of kills the moment, wouldn't you say?

Yes-- I am a gifted listener but a relationship consists of two people taking an interest in each other and acting on that interest, doesn't it? If a man is only interested in what I can do for him, that kind of changes the dynamic immediately.... certainly I can do things
for a man,
But I can't fall in love with someone who does not ask about me, and then at the very least, listen to what I say.
Ladies, what say you? Can you relate?

Men can you relate?

Is there anything you think the other half of the equation needs to know?

--hide--

Marian, your comments sum it all up. A man should listen, and this is how he will get to know you. If he doesn't listen or all he wants to do is talk and have you listen, best for you to move on (quickly).



Jan 28th 2013 new

Gary, the same goes for women as well as men.
The most uncomfortable couples to be around are the ones where the imbalance in focus or power or attention is obvious to the outsider.
It pains me either way, for the man or the woman, who carries the brunt of an unbalanced relationship

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-388330 said: Marian, I believe that a good relationship first stems out of the desire to want to be frien...
(Quote) Jim-388330 said:

Marian,

I believe that a good relationship first stems out of the desire to want to be friends. And yes Marian, if the person isn't even interested in asking about you, I certainly agree, it's not worth it. There's no desire to connect at that point and that's certainly no way to show if he actually cares.

For a man, the most important aspect in a marraige is to be chivalrous, even in the small ways. Get to know her, know what she likes, and find out what is important, but you can't do any of that without first knowing how to be a friend.

One of the things I've learned in my years so far is that there is a huge difference between being a friend with someone and being a co- dependent with someone. A co-dependent says, well I did this for you so I expect you to allow me to do ___ and furthermore you better be willing to let me do ____ because (this is the part that hides underneath the motive usually) you need me for ____ dont you?

A friend says, what can I do for you? without counting the cost. A friend admits when he can't do something but would be willing to make up for it in other ways. And finally, a friend does what he does for his friend for his or her sake, expecting nothing in return.

That's the starting point I think.

God bless,

Jim

--hide--


I agree Jim. I love your post. valentine You outlook can and WILL help you so Very MUCH! You obviously have DEEP awareness on the process of making friends and DEEP awareness on the process of building a friendship--It can only help you build what you need for marriage. God Bless You!

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Gary-918050 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: My concern rises from my continued experience wh...
(Quote) Gary-918050 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

My concern rises from my continued experience where men who are supposedly interested in me, fail to ask me any questions about myself unless I bring this up. If I bring it up - it kind of kills the moment, wouldn't you say?

Yes-- I am a gifted listener but a relationship consists of two people taking an interest in each other and acting on that interest, doesn't it? If a man is only interested in what I can do for him, that kind of changes the dynamic immediately.... certainly I can do things
for a man,
But I can't fall in love with someone who does not ask about me, and then at the very least, listen to what I say.
Ladies, what say you? Can you relate?

Men can you relate?

Is there anything you think the other half of the equation needs to know?


Marian, your comments sum it all up. A man should listen, and this is how he will get to know you. If he doesn't listen or all he wants to do is talk and have you listen, best for you to move on (quickly).



--hide--


YOUR comments are very helpful. I hope they help various people who are reading here. I am sure they will. Seriously I have run into the same problem repeatedly and I wonder what the cause is. THANKS for your post. God Bless You!

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: Gary, the same goes for women as well as men. The most uncomfortable couples to be around are...
(Quote) Karen-712407 said:

Gary, the same goes for women as well as men.
The most uncomfortable couples to be around are the ones where the imbalance in focus or power or attention is obvious to the outsider.
It pains me either way, for the man or the woman, who carries the brunt of an unbalanced relationship

--hide--


YES and we ladies need to ask men questions and really listen to the man's answers with rapt attention. valentine ASKING Questions and LISTENING is and will always be one of the best gifts present we can give to one another! THANKS Karen! God Bless YOU!

Jan 29th 2013 new




(Quote) Marian-83994 said:Men, Do you know how to build a relationship with a Woman? Do you think it is important t...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Men, Do you know how to build a relationship with a Woman?

Do you think it is important to ask each other questions?


HOW DO you go about building an attachment to another person?

THINK ABOUT THIS.


Some persons have never learned basic relationship skills, basics in interacting and in sharing time together.

Lets discuss.

--hide--

Jan 29th 2013 new

(Quote) ed-925050 said:
(Quote) ed-925050 said:




--hide--


ED! BRILLIANT! Sunrise

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