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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Stephanie-450440 said: I must not have paid attention in biology. I was under the impression t...
(Quote) Stephanie-450440 said:


I must not have paid attention in biology. I was under the impression that mid 30 something and 40 something women were able to bear children.

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My cousin will be giving birth at 42 this year, with her second husband. She didn't even expect to become pregnant as it was so difficult with her first husband and the problems lay with her. This is only her second child. No big deal to me. . .

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in their early 50's can successfully have a baby or babies. Does fertility decline with age - yes to some degree, but as Donna said women and men in their 20's and 30's can be infertile or have reduced fertility. The bigger issue over age 35 is that the risk of genetic defects increases such as Down's Syndrome. But, this does not just have to do with the woman, the man's genetic contribution also has more risk as he ages. And, of course, if either party is infertile, there are so many wonderful children out there that would love to have a mother and father - adoption is an excellent option.

It is far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God, whether the person is your age, older, or younger, than to be looking in essence for someone to have your baby. Many of those marriages end in divorce within a couple years. I have talked to many men who married a woman much younger, had a baby, and then divorced within a couple years because the age difference was too much, they had nothing in common, the woman's attention was focused on the child, etc. (these are the reasons the men told me, I'm not making them up). Fortunately, some of these men have now learned from this experience and are now looking for a woman closer to their own age, but to be divorced when your child is so young really is a huge cost to place on that child for the man's (and woman's) mistake and misjudgement in marrying with such a large age difference, in addition to the pain and difficulty it also costs both parents in trying to parent this child when they are divorced.

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Right on, Patricia! Marry for vocational love, not fertility!


I've dated men as much as 9 years younger, and as much as 19 years older than myself. Both were dreadful mistakes. The younger man wasn't anywhere near prepared to jump into my established life, and suddenly be the head of the family or an acting parent to teenagers. The older man was wonderfully respectful and old fashioned, but I found myself taking him to doctor appointments more than we actually went out to dinner! Also, the older man was retired, and I'm a busy, working, single mom. He had all the time in the world, and couldn't really understand why I didn't.


I know there are exceptions--wonderful exceptions--but there's a great deal to be said for being in the same time of life.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Maggie-918313 said:The older man was wonderfully respectful and old fashioned, but I found myself taking him to doctor appo...
(Quote) Maggie-918313 said:The older man was wonderfully respectful and old fashioned, but I found myself taking him to doctor appointments more than we actually went out to dinner!

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You're suggesting the older, healthy man who seldom has doctor appointments should reconsider his relationship w/ a younger woman who has health issues? Don't tell that to a 91-yo healthy man lovingly caring for his ill 60-yo wife - true story - one of those wonderful exceptions.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


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Patrick, well... there's no "seem"ing about it. It is offensive. And I will tell you why. Your friend apparently really cares for this woman, despite how old her uterus is. Why can't that just be accepted at face value? I really don't think it is so much a fertility issue anyways. I have plenty of male friends who are divorced and go for women 15+ years younger and it doesn't have anything to do with fertility. It's not about their "insides" it's about the "outsides". It's about looking good to all their friends and it's about looking good to themselves (some ego stroking). Now I realize I'm generalizing, but this is my experience with men that I know.

We are supposed to be open to life at any age. I think it's a shame that so many women in their 40's and beyond are passed over based on a number and that supposed fertility is made into a commodity by some people. There are no guarantees that a woman in her 30's will be able to produce children anyways so if your friend dumped his current special someone for a younger model to give him children, he could be disappointed.

Cat

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Jan 30th 2013 new

If your friend is dating a woman he likes and she is in her 40's what is wrong with that? He is also in his 40's. You say why not date a woman in her 30's well why would you think that women in their 30's would want to date a 46 year old man? I think that if two people like each other then who is to say they shouldn't.

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Jan 30th 2013 new
(Quote) Mary-25961 said: Patrick this topic has come up on the forums for as long as there has been a forums I have to w...
(Quote) Mary-25961 said:



Patrick this topic has come up on the forums for as long as there has been a forums

I have to with all of these men who want younger women on line, especially when they specifically have in their profile that they are seeking someone there own age

I know many couples where there is an age difference IRL and made wonderful marriages. Meeting someone IRL and connecting from the first glance or the first introduction is a lot different than on line. Even when people are the same age, there is often a lot of hesitancy's.

I have brought this up before but my bf husband died over 20 years ago and was left with a 9 month old, 3 years old and a 5 year old. I was there practically every other weekend. When she had a hip replacement at 42 I went down and stayed the week, because she couldn't get out of bed. I was chief, cook and bottle washer. Her eldest son was always difficult because a lot of the anger he had towards his fater's death, he transferred to me. It is wonderful to be single and want to have children way after your 40 plus years of age but it is another story to actually know what it entail. You can't decide after a child is here and you enter into the struggle that you don't want it any more. Most men who are 40 plus and that have children wouldn't want t start over again with children because they knows what it takes. Maybe all these men who write in their profile, that are 40 plus that are looking for someone who can have their children with them, rethink it and just search for the right match.

You "cougars" should take at least 2 or more children for 2 weeks like a summer away camp and rough it with them by cooking cleaning and separating them from their fighting, etc. and find out what it is like having them with you 24 hours and enter into what it means to be a parent. It is one thing to give them back at th end of the day or know in x amount of hour it is over.

What about these young women who get these emails and correspondence and they look at the profile and say I don't want to date my father Then the guy gets offended and the young lady is at fault because they rejected his communication.

Again most May December marriages that I have seen did not happen in the first moment or over the computer but rather IRL and interaction and building the relationship first hand.

Let me ask you fellas, how many of you would be comfortable if it was your daughter, sister, etc. was getting emails from a 45 year old man plus and your daughter was 27. Would you encourage her to pursue something Yes there are some women who do want an older relation ship but the majority of women that are in their 20 and 30's are looking for someone within their own age bracket.

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My cousin, at 27, married a 42 year old and had a wonderful marriage. They were a great and holy match. I think that is what is important. Are they good for each other's eternity?
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Jan 30th 2013 new

Heh, I find it amusing that men of such age actually think they're going to be perfectly capable of fathering kids. As has been mentioned, there's no guarentee! There's also a large body of evidence growing that has found a link with autism and the older father. So what happens when the 55 year old fella marries a 32 year old women and they have three kids with autism? Does he just dump her and the kids and move on to his next conquest?

Fertility issues aside, what about life expectancies? Sure people are living longer, and anything can happen, but in normal circumstances, say a 50 year old marries a 30 year old and they have perfectly healthy kids. Kids that will be in their early 20s when he's hitting 70. How's that fair? To have kids of that age bracket, and a 50 year old wife having to navigate the issues an older adult brings, rest home care et cetera, dementia, or he drops dead at 75 from a heart attack.

Life is full of surprises and unexpected deaths and illnesses can just randomly show up, but to intentionally increase the odds of that seems a little selfish and mean spirited.

Marriage and relationships shoudl be based on personality, shared faith and similar goals, not fertility. If a guy in his later years really wants a baby mamma, get a mail order bride.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

I will say this.... I believe, because I have children already, only older men will even take a look my way. For some reason, I have always gravitated towards older men anyway.

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Jan 30th 2013 new

Well, I am pleased that my post got so many responses even if they were just about all negative. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
The problem with this topic whenever it is discussed it seems to get caught up so much in emotion - rather than reality. For starters, I understand that a woman can still pregnant until menopause and there despite men being able to father children into a late age, that each individual man is fertile nor does that mean that I think a 60 year old men should start seeking 30 year women to see if they can make a baby.


I dealt with facts: a woman's fertility starts decreasing at 35 or so (generally speaking) up to menopause. I understand, like men, each woman's fertility is different. Second, I did NOT suggest a man should date woman only because of fertility nor that a man should NOT date any woman thought to be infertile. I was more posing a question a basic life mostly to men, who do not currently have children of their own and would still like to father a biological child.

I myself, am 34, and could date women a little older, get married and still have biological children. Yes, it is possible. Yet, I understand the reality id I were to marry some 5 to 10 years younger, the time frame, generally speaking, is longer to have biological kids. Is it certain? Obviously not - I could be turn out to be infertile myself. Futhermore, if I was dating someone I really like and found out she was infertile, it would be cruel and unusual punishment to dump her just for that reason and vice versa.

Having said all that, I know that I want to have biological children so I do generally seek women a little younger for the most part to increase this chance. Certainly, that is NOT the only criteria as I have been on dates with women in their 40's. But, it is something that I can't help but think about.

As for my friend, I think I explained the scenario quite well. If he is happy, fine. Yet, bascially is he did decide to marry this woman, he is giving up any chance to have biological children. I suppose that was something he had to come to terms with when he first started dating this woman. Futhermore, both this woman's kids are older and their father is still an active part of their lives, so it would NOT be the same as adopting as anothe post suggest. For the record, I am very pro adoption and obviously that is always an option, but that doesn't change the sacrifice of giving up any chance to father a biological child.

I really wasn't advocating one way or the other. Just sharing thoughts that I have and I am sure other guys have as well. I wish whenever this topic is discussed women wouldn't get so upset. It is just reality of nature.





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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly wom...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.

The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.


I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.

I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?


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Well Patrick, I really have nothing more to add that hasn't already been said, but I just want to second the point that NO ONE is guaranteed to have children. I too know many couples married from a young age who were not able to conceive. I think in our "Planned Parenthood" age there is a myth that "we control our fertility" when that is actually not the case. We live in a culture that believes it can control everything with planning. There are still things that are beyond our power. All we can do in this life is to choose goodness, truth and beauty to the best of our ability and hope for the best!

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