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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Chelle-924354 said: Hi Patrick! If I may.... I've read all the posts in this thread. I in no way mean to...
(Quote) Chelle-924354 said:



Hi Patrick! If I may.... I've read all the posts in this thread. I in no way mean to speak for you. With that said, what I gathered from your posts is that you are concerned for your friend's "lifestyle" decision. Going the way of his relatively same-age girlfriend denotes one lifestyle choice - marrying into a premade family without the probability of having biological children of his own. If he goes the other way, he would be making the lifestyle choice of a more traditional family - one mom, one dad, and biological or adopted children of their own. You want to be certain, for him, that he is making the right one because in a Catholic marriage it is supposed to be until death do us part.

Actually, I think you are a good friend for contemplating this on his behalf, especially if he asks you for advice down the road. It's good that you are pondering this for yourself, as well, as you are getting a little older yourself. I also understand the posts of the women. There are many reasons to reject a person - I won't even attempt to list them here. Unfortunately, alot of us more mature ladies can feel rejected for our age. Sometimes, we feel we can't "compete" with the younger women - on a variety of levels and too many and different to list here - one of them, though, is definitely biological. Yet, we still have so much to give to the right man in a loving relationship!

My theater arts instructor lives here in the US six months out of the year; she lives in Italy the other six months. She told me that what bothers her the most about being in the US is that, as an older woman, she feels invisible. That's not the case in Europe. Women are still considered valuable, worthwhile, sexy, and I could go on.... Women, no matter what their age, still want to feel desireable to a man (and not just for friendship!) Best, Chelle

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Your last paragraph hits on what I have been saying for years.. Older women here do feel invisible.. They feel unwanted and by that undesirable.. I see it everyday on here..

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said:Your last paragraph hits on what I have been saying for years.. Older women here do feel invisible.. They ...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:Your last paragraph hits on what I have been saying for years.. Older women here do feel invisible.. They feel unwanted and by that undesirable.. I see it everyday on here..

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What is your definition of "older women"?

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Bob-59786 said: What is your definition of "older women"?
(Quote) Bob-59786 said:

What is your definition of "older women"?

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50+ I came on here at 52.. I bet my profile hasn't been 'uniquely' browsed 100 times in the last two years.. Unique meaning a browse that wasn't initiated by me browsing first. And actual contacts is miniscule..

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said:   50+ I came on here at 52.. I bet my profile hasn't been 'uniquely' browsed 1...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

 


50+ I came on here at 52.. I bet my profile hasn't been 'uniquely' browsed 100 times in the last two years.. Unique meaning a browse that wasn't initiated by me browsing first. And actual contacts is miniscule..

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I go literally months without a unique contact... Unless you count men asking me how to attract other women.. 

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Jan 30th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Your last paragraph hits on what I have been saying for years.. Older women here do f...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Your last paragraph hits on what I have been saying for years.. Older women here do feel invisible.. They feel unwanted and by that undesirable.. I see it everyday on here..

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Hi Donna! And the sad contrast to that is that men become more desireable as they age - at least, until a certain point! Sorry guys, I don't know what that is because I haven't really thought about it. I also think that the emphasis on youth in this country is a significant contributor to this chronological situation (or should I call it a catastrophe?!). sad Chelle

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: (Quote) Cat-163322 said: Patrick, you don't see how your opi...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

[quote]Cat-163322 said:



Patrick, you don't see how your opinion is offensive. I know you don't mean to be. But, you have written, " They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time?" The man is into this woman, why even worry about it? You are pushing your own feelings onto what you think he MAY be feeling some time down the road. He's in his mid 40's. If he doesn't know what he wants by then, well he could be single the rest of his life. Don't complicate things for him, or HER.

I am NOT going to get in the way of their relationship. Any person can date any person they want. I admit the word "mistake" was probably too strong of word - I wish I had stated it differently. Mistake should probably be replaced by "is he making the best decision?" Maybe he is maybe he isnt - I dont know. Yet, if he has come to terms with not having biological children of his own, fine - I don't have a problem with that. Yet, if he does marry this woman - he will never have biological children and although I do not think that is tragedy by any means nor do I think that any person man or woman should NOT date someone just because of that reason, it is something that many men of his age should think about.

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Patrick, and again, you are putting forth your 34 yr old biological clock onto a man who is 46 yrs old. If he is only just NOW thinking about the repurcussions of not settling down and having kids (or any man for that matter) then he IS making a mistake. But apparently he isn't worried about it, and you are. THAT is my point.

This mindset is just as bad as the one where people judge others for having "too many" kids. My cousin gets asked all the time "Don't you know what causes that?" when ppl see her together will all 7 of her kids. It's no one's business if someone wants kids, or wants lots of them. We need to quit projecting what we want onto other people. This is not to instigate a pro or con contraception debate. If your friend is happy with this woman, be happy for him, no matter what their age is.

Cat

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Jan 31st 2013 new

Patrick, I think what you are saying makes sense. My take on your post is that you used your friend's situation as an example to illustrate a point, not that you are judging your friend's dating choices specifically. Statistically speaking, women do have more chances of conceiving a child when they are younger versus older, especially if it's their first child. So if it's important to a guy to father a biological child, it only makes sense to focus his search on younger women, while at the same time keeping in mind that ultimately God may have a different idea of whom he should marry, so it would be wise to not completely close oneself off from other possibilities. No one says that marrying a younger woman would guarantee a child - only that the chances of that happening are higher. I don't see why this is such a touchy topic that offends people - each guy is free to have his own preferences. How is this different from prefering someone with a certain level of education or any other demographic criteria (not related to personality) that we look at when we consider who to date?

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in their early 50's can successfully have a baby or babies. Does fertility decline with age - yes to some degree, but as Donna said women and men in their 20's and 30's can be infertile or have reduced fertility. The bigger issue over age 35 is that the risk of genetic defects increases such as Down's Syndrome. But, this does not just have to do with the woman, the man's genetic contribution also has more risk as he ages. And, of course, if either party is infertile, there are so many wonderful children out there that would love to have a mother and father - adoption is an excellent option.

It is far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God, whether the person is your age, older, or younger, than to be looking in essence for someone to have your baby. Many of those marriages end in divorce within a couple years. I have talked to many men who married a woman much younger, had a baby, and then divorced within a couple years because the age difference was too much, they had nothing in common, the woman's attention was focused on the child, etc. (these are the reasons the men told me, I'm not making them up). Fortunately, some of these men have now learned from this experience and are now looking for a woman closer to their own age, but to be divorced when your child is so young really is a huge cost to place on that child for the man's (and woman's) mistake and misjudgement in marrying with such a large age difference, in addition to the pain and difficulty it also costs both parents in trying to parent this child when they are divorced.

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Dr. Patricia, you had the best post for this forum! Praying

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Cathy-564420 said: Dr. Patricia, you had the best post for this forum!
(Quote) Cathy-564420 said:




Dr. Patricia, you had the best post for this forum!

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Oh, thank you Cathy.hug (although I'm not sure everyone would agree with you since this is such a touchy subject on CM!)

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Jan 31st 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in their early 50's can successfully have a baby or babies. Does fertility decline with age - yes to some degree, but as Donna said women and men in their 20's and 30's can be infertile or have reduced fertility. The bigger issue over age 35 is that the risk of genetic defects increases such as Down's Syndrome. But, this does not just have to do with the woman, the man's genetic contribution also has more risk as he ages. And, of course, if either party is infertile, there are so many wonderful children out there that would love to have a mother and father - adoption is an excellent option.

It is far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God, whether the person is your age, older, or younger, than to be looking in essence for someone to have your baby. Many of those marriages end in divorce within a couple years. I have talked to many men who married a woman much younger, had a baby, and then divorced within a couple years because the age difference was too much, they had nothing in common, the woman's attention was focused on the child, etc. (these are the reasons the men told me, I'm not making them up). Fortunately, some of these men have now learned from this experience and are now looking for a woman closer to their own age, but to be divorced when your child is so young really is a huge cost to place on that child for the man's (and woman's) mistake and misjudgement in marrying with such a large age difference, in addition to the pain and difficulty it also costs both parents in trying to parent this child when they are divorced.

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Well said Patricia. It certainly is "far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God"...... This will happen when we {{see the blessings in front of us, rather than what we wish to create}}. Sadly, in the situations that you describe, the opposite is true "It's all about ME, and this other person is here to help ME" Small wonder that these relationships didn't last because they were selfishly motivated, with the children stuck in the middle. NOT God's plan!

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