I also believe the media perpetuates this perspective. The media gravitates to the provocative, because that's what sells. I'm not suggesting that there aren't some individual's fixated on this fundamentally shallow mindset, but you cannot allow the negative segment of the male population to dictate and under mind your desire for a more spiritual and Catholic union. There are many exemplary men out there looking for desirable Catholic oriented women. Be patient, let God lead you, and simply follow.
Okay, as a physician, I have to say it again. A woman in her 40's and some even in their early 50's can successfully have a baby or babies. Does fertility decline with age - yes to some degree, but as Donna said women and men in their 20's and 30's can be infertile or have reduced fertility. The bigger issue over age 35 is that the risk of genetic defects increases such as Down's Syndrome. But, this does not just have to do with the woman, the man's genetic contribution also has more risk as he ages. And, of course, if either party is infertile, there are so many wonderful children out there that would love to have a mother and father - adoption is an excellent option.
It is far more important to find the person you love and can spend the rest of your life with in a marriage blessed by God, whether the person is your age, older, or younger, than to be looking in essence for someone to have your baby. Many of those marriages end in divorce within a couple years. I have talked to many men who married a woman much younger, had a baby, and then divorced within a couple years because the age difference was too much, they had nothing in common, the woman's attention was focused on the child, etc. (these are the reasons the men told me, I'm not making them up). Fortunately, some of these men have now learned from this experience and are now looking for a woman closer to their own age. But to be divorced when your child is so young, really is a huge cost to place on that child for the man's (and woman's) mistake and misjudgement in marrying with such a large age difference, in addition to the pain and difficulty it also costs both parents in trying to parent this child when they are divorced.
Patricia, this is very wise advice.
The recent article about cougars got me thinking more about this topic. Some people, mostly women, bemoan that being a "cougar" in unacceptable while being an anti-cougar (young woman dating a much older man) is acceptable. As for me, I, for the most part, don't really don't care what man dates what woman (to each their own), but the topic does fascinate me nevertheless.
The main reason that there is this double standard I believe does have to do with fertility. That does seem to be a "taboo" subject in catholic circles but, let's me honest, it is the elephant in the room noone wants to bring up.
I have a 46 male friend who recently started dating a woman who I believe is about his age. They seem to be happy and he is cool with the fact that she is divorced and has two kids. I have met the woman and I like her and think she is nice. But there is a part of me that can't help but think is my friend making a mistake. He commented well, at my age, I am not going to have kids of my own so it isn't an issue to me. Now, if he doesn't care about having his own kids, fine. If that is the case, I hope more than ever this relationship works out. Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.
I know what I am writing may seem offensive to 40 something women or older and I apologize if that is the case. I certainly am NOT saying that age should be the only consideration by any means. If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?
I think that as we get past 40 the more attractive men are in fact in demand
(woe woe is me) due to the significantly longer life expectancy of women
You hit the nail on its head about courtship- I need to lose 30 pounds to
get to my ideal weight and I need an exercise partner to get me motivated-
unfortunately the best candidates are married to women who keep them busy if their
kids do not, I cannot say I have dated a woman in better shape than I in years-
thinnner yes, more arrogant, yes, oh and then I could talk about close relatives(BAD JOKE)
I find it creepy when an older guy 15 years plus browses me...
I often browse from the "online" section, where ages are not posted until the browse is recorded. In fact, I browse lots of profiles. It doesn't mean that I interested in that sort of woman at all-- I have to browse the profile to find out!
Older women here do feel invisible.. They feel unwanted and by that undesirable.. I see it everyday on here..
I feel invisible walking down 34 St in Manhattan. I feel unwanted and undesirable too. It obviously isn't because I'm a woman-- and it probably has nothing to do with being older either, as I have felt pretty much the same way for the last 20 years. I don't know if that will make anyone feel better, but I guess it's worth a shot.
I was widowed when my children were ages 2, 2, 5, 11, and 13.
I have always resented the men my age who wanted to start their "own" families, and completely ignored children like mine.
Seems to me that there's a double standard here somewhere: if you are pro-life, you don't just support and encourage people having more babies. You also take care of the children who are already here!
if you are pro-life, you don't just support and encourage people having more babies. You also take care of the children who are already here!
Using this to suggest that any given man should marry someone with children rather than procreating is stretching credibility beyond the breaking point...