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A place to learn, mingle, and share

Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Feb 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Maggie-918313 said: Kudos to you Maggie, I totally agree!!! Debbie Right on, Patricia! Marry for voc...
(Quote) Maggie-918313 said:


Kudos to you Maggie, I totally agree!!! Debbie


Right on, Patricia! Marry for vocational love, not fertility!


I've dated men as much as 9 years younger, and as much as 19 years older than myself. Both were dreadful mistakes. The younger man wasn't anywhere near prepared to jump into my established life, and suddenly be the head of the family or an acting parent to teenagers. The older man was wonderfully respectful and old fashioned, but I found myself taking him to doctor appointments more than we actually went out to dinner! Also, the older man was retired, and I'm a busy, working, single mom. He had all the time in the world, and couldn't really understand why I didn't.


I know there are exceptions--wonderful exceptions--but there's a great deal to be said for being in the same time of life.

--hide--

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Feb 1st 2013 new

I've been reading this with interest because it is hitting on so many hot buttons, not just the one Patrick raised. The male biological clock, (sad for Patrick and his fellow males that he has so little control over his biological reproductive choices), adoption, step parenting, resentment and repulsion of women over many men's (most?) preference for younger bodies, resentment by men that women dont understand how important physcial beauty is to men, etc.
As a woman who has been a biological mother, a stepmother, a foster mother and an adoptive mother I admit to a little distaste for people who are unable to fully love children who are not of their DNA. I told someone who questioned my feelings for my adoptive children "There is nothing sacred about my DNA". However, if I had never had biological children I cant be sure I would still feel that way. Having an active uterus as a "must have" item for men does feel creepy, but I had other biological choices if I wanted them, so I wont judge. What feels worse is knowing that many of the men my age are scanning the profiles of women 10, 20 maybe even 30 years younger than me - and themselves. The only valid point, other than the nature of men, that I've seen mentioned is when a very physically active man feels women his own age cant keep up. True, I have read profiles of bikers, canoers, kayakers, parachuters, etc that I sure dont find interesting pursuits; in fact most of the women my age (70) that I know are considered active if they hit the gym 3x per week. Most of us, its true, like dining out, going to the movies, maybe shopping or non strenuous travel as recreation, so a man who wants a partner for strenuous physical activities may need to look for younger women, although I suspect they are doing those things so they can attract younger women rather than vice versa. I suspect that the real reason older men are seeking much younger women is for a reason older than time -sexual gratification. Most women, younger and older resent that, reality that it be. Young women are creeped out, older women feel like they cant compete, and shouldnt have to. I'd like CM to add a counter to profiles showing the average age of the women a man has browsed so that when the men get tired of being rejected by their daughter's age women and start turning to women who might consider them, we know what they were really looking for all this time. That would be as big a "no" for me as no photo.
I'd like Patrick and his womb hunters to consider one thing; despite examples stated otherwise, statistically a man 10, 15, or 20 years younger than his wife will be leaving her a widow when she is no longer on the young list, possibly raising that child you wanted alone. Are you OK with that?

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Feb 1st 2013 new

sorry, older than his wife

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Feb 1st 2013 new

Patrick,

I've been part of numerous debates about topics such as these, and one thing I can say is this: preferences do rule. I don't begrudge anyone theirs, even if I think they're making a huge mistake, which often I do.

I think that many people tend to "WANT" something that is clouding their vision to someone who could be a wonderful match, simply because they think that person can't provide that want. Having biological children is not a right, it's a gift, and it's one only God alone can give. If we choose to shun people who think can't or won't give us that, and miss having a relationship altogether, what have we gained from our ignorance of those wonderful people we passed over?

I recently had a man tell me I am too old because he wants lots of children, and he is only two years younger than I am. Forget that he and I have the same goals, beliefs and overall objectives in life - he wants the numbers that he believes I cannot provide. The Bible provides that we should go forth and multiply and BE OPEN TO LIFE, but, that does not mean to run from those relationships that our silly minds believe won't be fruitful. He is no more guaranteed lots of children with a young woman than he is to even find a young woman to marry him.

I genuinely don't understand why so many people waste so much time looking for what they deem appropriate, rather than taking what God puts before them and what is REAL. It reminds me of that story wherein the man believes God will save him from the flood with something overly divine, so he declines a ride in the car, in the motorboat and then the helicopter, and then questions God when he meets him in heaven after he drowned. God puts before us what he deems appropriate for us - how long are some of you going to ignore it and wait for your version of what is right? eyebrow

It seems to me that your gentleman friend has made his decision based on what God has put before him, and he has accepted God's Plan for his life, rather than passing on a wonderful woman just so he can say the kids are his. Bravo to your friend!!! clap

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Feb 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's wher...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Yet, if there is a part of him who still wants kids, why not date a woman in her 30's where this is still time? This woman he is dating could date an older man or fellow divorce` with kids of his own and form a brady bunch.


If the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply, should mid 30 something and 40 something men date younger women?

--hide--


The marriage must be open to life. She has kids and he's willing to love them. Women can give vbirth well into their 40's. There is no rule compelling men to seek only women of child-bearing years. We are called to love those whom God puts into our lives. it sounds as if your friend is doing this. Best not to bring up this topic with him.



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Feb 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-50109 said: Patrick,I've been part of numerous debates about topics such as these, and one thin...
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:

Patrick,

I've been part of numerous debates about topics such as these, and one thing I can say is this: preferences do rule. I don't begrudge anyone theirs, even if I think they're making a huge mistake, which often I do.

I think that many people tend to "WANT" something that is clouding their vision to someone who could be a wonderful match, simply because they think that person can't provide that want. Having biological children is not a right, it's a gift, and it's one only God alone can give. If we choose to shun people who think can't or won't give us that, and miss having a relationship altogether, what have we gained from our ignorance of those wonderful people we passed over?

I recently had a man tell me I am too old because he wants lots of children, and he is only two years younger than I am. Forget that he and I have the same goals, beliefs and overall objectives in life - he wants the numbers that he believes I cannot provide. The Bible provides that we should go forth and multiply and BE OPEN TO LIFE, but, that does not mean to run from those relationships that our silly minds believe won't be fruitful. He is no more guaranteed lots of children with a young woman than he is to even find a young woman to marry him.

I genuinely don't understand why so many people waste so much time looking for what they deem appropriate, rather than taking what God puts before them and what is REAL. It reminds me of that story wherein the man believes God will save him from the flood with something overly divine, so he declines a ride in the car, in the motorboat and then the helicopter, and then questions God when he meets him in heaven after he drowned. God puts before us what he deems appropriate for us - how long are some of you going to ignore it and wait for your version of what is right?

It seems to me that your gentleman friend has made his decision based on what God has put before him, and he has accepted God's Plan for his life, rather than passing on a wonderful woman just so he can say the kids are his. Bravo to your friend!!!

--hide--
Michelle, I like your thinking here. It matches what I posted earlier in this thread - we need to "See the blessings in front of us, rather than what we wish to create". When we practice this way of thinking, we can better realize God's plan. It's true that we all WANT something, but the man who wants all the children that he thinks you cannot provide is using you to realize HIS agenda. That is NOT love! Love is wanting you, as is! This man is best forgotten.

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Feb 1st 2013 new
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said: I think that many people tend to "WANT" something that is clouding their vision to someone who coul...
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:

I think that many people tend to "WANT" something that is clouding their vision to someone who could be a wonderful match, simply because they think that person can't provide that want. Having biological children is not a right, it's a gift, and it's one only God alone can give. If we choose to shun people who think can't or won't give us that, and miss having a relationship altogether, what have we gained from our ignorance of those wonderful people we passed over?

I recently had a man tell me I am too old because he wants lots of children, and he is only two years younger than I am. Forget that he and I have the same goals, beliefs and overall objectives in life - he wants the numbers that he believes I cannot provide. The Bible provides that we should go forth and multiply and BE OPEN TO LIFE, but, that does not mean to run from those relationships that our silly minds believe won't be fruitful. He is no more guaranteed lots of children with a young woman than he is to even find a young woman to marry him.

I genuinely don't understand why so many people waste so much time looking for what they deem appropriate, rather than taking what God puts before them and what is REAL. It reminds me of that story wherein the man believes God will save him from the flood with something overly divine, so he declines a ride in the car, in the motorboat and then the helicopter, and then questions God when he meets him in heaven after he drowned. God puts before us what he deems appropriate for us - how long are some of you going to ignore it and wait for your version of what is right?

It seems to me that your gentleman friend has made his decision based on what God has put before him, and he has accepted God's Plan for his life, rather than passing on a wonderful woman just so he can say the kids
are his. Bravo to your friend!!!

--hide--
clap clap clap
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Feb 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: You might note that I said I hadn't met any men over age 63 that were in reasonably...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



You might note that I said I hadn't met any men over age 63 that were in reasonably good shape. Since I'm 61, I think a good match for me age-wise would be plus or minus 3 years (I used to say plus or minus 5 years, but have narrowed in because of aforesaid reason.) I don't think dating a gentleman 3 years younger would make one a cougar!

--hide--



I don't understand why you automatically assume a relationship with an age difference won't work. Each relationship is different. I have been on dates with woman of various ages and I suppose since I am single, they all eventually haven't worked out for a variety of reasons. Age may have been a factor in some of them - but it was one factor. Everyone has the right to date whomever they'd like. I don't understand this notion that God only wants us to date someone who is close to our age. Where in the Bible does it say that?

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Feb 1st 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: Patrick, you might want to keep in mind that although not everyone posts in the forums, many ...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

Patrick, you might want to keep in mind that although not everyone posts in the forums, many women (ones you may be interested in) read the forums, and putting LOL doesn't negate what you write.

--hide--




I had about 25 different women blast me - she was the only one that agreed with me. I think I was entitled to a laugh.

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Feb 1st 2013 new

You are right and quite brave Patrick to express a legitimate opinion for a concern that is clearly extremely important and meaningful to your life. You desire to have children should not be denigrated. I know too too many men who carelessly had children that they neglect emotionally and financially, so despite contrary opinions, it is good to see a young man who clearly wants to be a father and probably will be a good one. Despite my earlier post, dont think its not refreshing to hear that their are still men who consider fatherhood a vocation for them and desire to give expression to that longing. I congratulate you for that. Dont let the criticism to discourage you from seeking to fulfil that goal.

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