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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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02/01/2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: I am sorry for your loss and that you had to raise kids on your own. But, I don...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:





I am sorry for your loss and that you had to raise kids on your own. But, I don't think you should be resentful towards men that may have passed you over. I imagine plenty of women would have some reservations of getting involved with a man with 5 kids of his own. That is a lot of extra responsibility to walk right into, fair or not. I hope your family and friends helped you raise your kids and they turned out well.


To answer your question, yes, it probably goes beyond fertility. Men are visual creatures. That is just the way it is. But things may be changing a bit... did you read all the posts about "cougars?"

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I have 6 kids of my own, mostly already raised, but if a man was interested in me and had a bunch of kids and was raising them in a Godly way, I'd be more than ready! Bring them on!!

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02/01/2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: I don't understand why you automatically assume a relationship with an age diff...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:




I don't understand why you automatically assume a relationship with an age difference won't work. Each relationship is different. I have been on dates with woman of various ages and I suppose since I am single, they all eventually haven't worked out for a variety of reasons. Age may have been a factor in some of them - but it was one factor. Everyone has the right to date whomever they'd like. I don't understand this notion that God only wants us to date someone who is close to our age. Where in the Bible does it say that?

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Patrick, I'm NOT assuming anything, I'm basing what I say on a lifetime of experience, both mine and what I've observed with family, friends, neighbors, aquaintances, etc.

You are young. You might want to listen to some of the wisdom of your elders.

And, of course, anyone can date whomever they choose. No one said that God only wants us to date someone who is close to our age. I personally don't know if the bible says anything about dating or ages. So, please stop twisting my words.

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02/01/2013 new

Hi, Patrick,

Unfortunately, this is one of those very touchy subjects with both men and women.

I don't think anyone means that a relationship between two people that have a large age gap between them is doomed to failure, but, it is much more likely if their relationship is largely based on the desire to parent biological children. It would be a terrible thing to choose one person over another just because one can produce more children. Marriage is not just about multiplying, it is about two people who have a great relationship with EACH OTHER and who have the same goals and morals. Sex and parenting is only a fraction of the marital relationship, and is not enough to bind two people together for life. Children move out and body parts start failing, so two people have GOT to have a solid foundation that does not have anything to do with the physical.

I don't believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with considering parenthood in the equation when getting to know ladies with whom you are discerning a relationship. It does become a problem when you consider that THE biggest objective. If you choose to only date women of a certain age and body type because you are thinking of future children, then you've gone too far. However, I DO advise considering their parenting and worshipping styles in contrast to your own to be sure hers will work with yours.



(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: (Quote) Patricia-29176 said: You might note that I said I hadn&#...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

Quote:
Patricia-29176 said:



You might note that I said I hadn't met any men over age 63 that were in reasonably good shape. Since I'm 61, I think a good match for me age-wise would be plus or minus 3 years (I used to say plus or minus 5 years, but have narrowed in because of aforesaid reason.) I don't think dating a gentleman 3 years younger would make one a cougar!





I don't understand why you automatically assume a relationship with an age difference won't work. Each relationship is different. I have been on dates with woman of various ages and I suppose since I am single, they all eventually haven't worked out for a variety of reasons. Age may have been a factor in some of them - but it was one factor. Everyone has the right to date whomever they'd like. I don't understand this notion that God only wants us to date someone who is close to our age. Where in the Bible does it say that?

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02/01/2013 new

Joseph, thank you very much for your post.

I should add that this gentleman is someone I contacted on here, and not someone I had known for any length of time. I was simply taken aback at his swift rejection due to my age. I think he was wrong to do that, when there was so much about the two of us that could have been complimentary to the other. His desire for several children trumped his discernment of a woman much like himself. I find it unfortunate, and it is something I have seen a lot of during my time on CM. No one should have such hard and fast physical standards that they dismiss someone so irrationally.

I have seen some truly amazing couples come out of this website, some of whom have started families in their later years. If only more people were like them, and trusted what God intended for them, rather than thinking they know better than Him. Somewhere along the line here, people have decided how their life is supposed to go, and are ignoring those life rafts God is sending to show them His Way. Our ideas are NEVER what He has for us - I've learned that the terribly hard way.

(Quote) Joseph-750000 said: (Quote) Michelle-50109 said: Patrick,I've been part of numero...
(Quote) Joseph-750000 said:

Quote:
Michelle-50109 said:

Patrick,

I've been part of numerous debates about topics such as these, and one thing I can say is this: preferences do rule. I don't begrudge anyone theirs, even if I think they're making a huge mistake, which often I do.

I think that many people tend to "WANT" something that is clouding their vision to someone who could be a wonderful match, simply because they think that person can't provide that want. Having biological children is not a right, it's a gift, and it's one only God alone can give. If we choose to shun people who think can't or won't give us that, and miss having a relationship altogether, what have we gained from our ignorance of those wonderful people we passed over?

I recently had a man tell me I am too old because he wants lots of children, and he is only two years younger than I am. Forget that he and I have the same goals, beliefs and overall objectives in life - he wants the numbers that he believes I cannot provide. The Bible provides that we should go forth and multiply and BE OPEN TO LIFE, but, that does not mean to run from those relationships that our silly minds believe won't be fruitful. He is no more guaranteed lots of children with a young woman than he is to even find a young woman to marry him.

I genuinely don't understand why so many people waste so much time looking for what they deem appropriate, rather than taking what God puts before them and what is REAL. It reminds me of that story wherein the man believes God will save him from the flood with something overly divine, so he declines a ride in the car, in the motorboat and then the helicopter, and then questions God when he meets him in heaven after he drowned. God puts before us what he deems appropriate for us - how long are some of you going to ignore it and wait for your version of what is right?

It seems to me that your gentleman friend has made his decision based on what God has put before him, and he has accepted God's Plan for his life, rather than passing on a wonderful woman just so he can say the kids are his. Bravo to your friend!!!


Michelle, I like your thinking here. It matches what I posted earlier in this thread - we need to "See the blessings in front of us, rather than what we wish to create". When we practice this way of thinking, we can better realize God's plan. It's true that we all WANT something, but the man who wants all the children that he thinks you cannot provide is using you to realize HIS agenda. That is NOT love! Love is wanting you, as is! This man is best forgotten.

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02/01/2013 new

(Quote) Ann-69118 said: (Quote) Bernard-2709 said: Everyone has their own criteria,however, to call i...
(Quote) Ann-69118 said:

Quote:
Bernard-2709 said:

Everyone has their own criteria,however, to call it creepy is a bit dramatic.My sister was happily married to to her husband who was 17 years older than her.She died of Cancer three years ago at almost 56 years old.He is still living.They were a good match and happy.I think for a woman who is in her twenties,5 to 10 years older maximum.Over 40 yrs old, it's a whole different scenario.Many men age really well.


Sorry I don't think it's a bit dramatic at all to call it creepy. It's the feeling I get and as I said that's me and may no be how others feel. We each have a right to our own preferences. I would also say some men do age well but aging well and appearances have nothing to do with it really. My life experience and the stage of life I'm in are something totally difference than someone who is over a decade and half older than me. That's a big gap there by it self.

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You absolutely have a right to choose anyone you want,and any age.My contention is with the word "creepy".As if the man is doing something illegal or immoral.That's all. wink

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02/01/2013 new

LOL, Bernard!!!

Personally, I agree with Ann. Men who are old enough to be our fathers should not be checking us out for marriage - it IS creepy. I had a man friend locally (not from this site) who was clearly trying to court me, and he was around 70! It WAS creepy, no matter how nice he is (and he IS very nice!!!), it is weird to have a man of that age pursue me.

I do feel that men should consider how they would feel if their daughter or sister were dating someone their age and, if it would "creep" them out, then they shouldn't do it themselves.

Plus, they should consider whether or not they are up to raising children, because us younger gals still have the pipes for it. I would never marry someone that much order than me. Never.

(Quote) Bernard-2709 said: You absolutely have a right to choose anyone you want,and any age.My contention is with the word ...
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said:

You absolutely have a right to choose anyone you want,and any age.My contention is with the word "creepy".As if the man is doing something illegal or immoral.That's all.

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02/01/2013 new

(Quote) Michelle-50109 said: LOL, Bernard!!!Personally, I agree with Ann. Men who are old enough to be our fathers s...
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:

LOL, Bernard!!!

Personally, I agree with Ann. Men who are old enough to be our fathers should not be checking us out for marriage - it IS creepy. I had a man friend locally (not from this site) who was clearly trying to court me, and he was around 70! It WAS creepy, no matter how nice he is (and he IS very nice!!!), it is weird to have a man of that age pursue me.

I do feel that men should consider how they would feel if their daughter or sister were dating someone their age and, if it would "creep" them out, then they shouldn't do it themselves.

Plus, they should consider whether or not they are up to raising children, because us younger gals still have the pipes for it. I would never marry someone that much order than me. Never.

Quote:
Bernard-2709 said:

You absolutely have a right to choose anyone you want,and any age.My contention is with the word "creepy".As if the man is doing something illegal or immoral.That's all.


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The age difference of 15 years was the span we were talking about.So lets not take this out of context now. faint

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02/01/2013 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: (Quote) Bernard-2709 said: Then you'll just have to go the other rou...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Quote:
Bernard-2709 said:

Then you'll just have to go the other route I suppose twimg0-a.akamaihd.net




You might note that I said I hadn't met any men over age 63 that were in reasonably good shape. Since I'm 61, I think a good match for me age-wise would be plus or minus 3 years (I used to say plus or minus 5 years, but have narrowed in because of aforesaid reason.) I don't think dating a gentleman 3 years younger would make one a cougar!

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I think you should be able to go for a man of any age you want. biggrin

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02/01/2013 new

This discussion is starting to generate more heat than light, so it's time to call it a topic...

Please do NOT open a new topic to contine this discussion. Thank you.

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