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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 4th 2013 new

I'm glad y'all are enjoying the article too and thanks for contributing!

A few thoughts based on the comments thus far:

I think each person and trait has to be considered individually to some extent. I think flexibility is a beautiful quality, but it doesn't have to exclude stability (they are so flexible they show no preferences, etc.). Stability (someone who knows themselves well, their values, etc.) is a good thing! I think the type of inflexibility the article refers to is when it is out of selfishness or control. Sometimes a person's job or living situation (caring for an ill loved one) makes their schedule inflexible, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. They might be a very self-less person in a difficult situation.

Also the one regarding family would need some context too. I agree that sometimes a person separates themselves from a dysfunctional family in order to be healthy and establish their own life. For me that isn't a red flag. It is sometimes a necessary, good, and prayerful choice. It would be a problem if they bad mouth the family or argue/show disrespect openly. In both situations the relationship with the family isn't "good", but they aren't the same, at least not in my own considerations.

I think the key to a "red flag" is that it alerts us to something that needs to be further investigated. The seemingly inflexible date: is it out of necessity, fear, control, or selfishness? The "bad" relationship with the family: is it out of self-preservation, health, bitterness, or anger? As we get to know a person we can be aware of the red flags, slow down a bit, and try to understand better what is underlying that behavior.

Feb 4th 2013 new

"Also the one regarding family would need some context too. I agree that sometimes a person separates themselves from a dysfunctional family in order to be healthy and establish their own life. For me that isn't a red flag. It is sometimes a necessary, good, and prayerful choice. It would be a problem if they bad mouth the family or argue/show disrespect openly. In both situations the relationship with the family isn't "good", but they aren't the same, at least not in my own considerations."

Amen. Growing up in a family that was dysfunctional has made me want to be separate from them on occasion in order to maintain my good health and sanity. I love my family, but I need distance at times. Being on active duty and assigned in different states and countries has helped me to a significant degree. My prayer is that a prospective spouse wouldn't hold this against me.

Feb 4th 2013 new
Sarah, Nice summary of the preceding comments and really just a good reminder to not push off what our instincts tell us or even friends/family. A recall a comment from my ex-BIL before I was married, and thought he could not be more Mistaken. He was right on this topic.
Feb 4th 2013 new

(Quote) John-917143 said: I think it might have just been God's way of telling me that the right woman hasn't come into my ...
(Quote) John-917143 said: I think it might have just been God's way of telling me that the right woman hasn't come into my life yet. Hahaha. On a serious note, I've found that a lot of women from my current generation have two or three of the qualities mentioned in that post. Maybe its because they chosen to stray away from the way God wants us to live our lives, but I feel that it is also due in part to the fact that we have media and TV shows telling people how they should act and that certain things (even they aren't morally sound) are okay to do because everyone is doing it. But hey, maybe my relationship radar just needs a little fixing and fine tuning

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I think what you say about media influencing people is probably true. Maybe your radar doesn't need fixing. I just wish it were not true.

Feb 4th 2013 new

Red flags are a equal opportunity goes for both sexes . and all those for woman it talked about can be equally true for men .It has happened to me so many times . plus read about so many stories here . Scary even in these Catholic sites . plus the real world . its best to move on . for me quickly .

Feb 4th 2013 new

I'm right there with you! Agreed

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