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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Feb 9th 2013 new
Unless these men are trying to give a backhanded compliment on your children, they sound like wusses to me. Instead of being "intimidated" they should praise you and acknowledge your hard work and grace of God. Would they prefer a woman in their children's lives who raised rotten children of her own? Next time some bone head says they are intimidated ..asked him what he means by that? And you should not be downplaying your kids. All moms should be allowed to gush and swoon about their kids
Feb 9th 2013 new
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Recently, I began to put my foot back into the dating waters. It has been 25 years since I was single and a go...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

Recently, I began to put my foot back into the dating waters. It has been 25 years since I was single and a good thirty years before I really was single for very long. I had my five children very young (starting at 21 and ended with my youngest of 5 at 31). They are incredibly successful (small understatement), but more than that, they are great children. I am walking a very public journey due to how my husband was killed and the fire blazing within. Here is my problem. On initial dates, everyone asks about my children. Even though I run down the list with the very minimum of basics, the two men I have gone out with still have children at home and they kept telling me how intimidating it was to have my children be doing so well. I am never sure what to say. I say nothing which leads me to feel embarrassed by the fact they are doping well. Suggestions?

--hide--


Tell them it's never too late to be hopeful, it's never too late to love unconditionally, it's never to late to set boundaries and expectations, but most important, it is never too late to change yourself, to be the parent that God wants you to be, an example and loving witness. If they take issue with that, then they are not going to be good mates for you. I have no doubt your children have done well because you did all of the above. You are a great mom and I agree with Pat, some people may see your success as a witness to their failure.

Hugs and blessings on your search!
Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: When people comment on my genius oldest son or how all my kids are soooo smart and do so well in school...
(Quote) Rachel-731570 said: When people comment on my genius oldest son or how all my kids are soooo smart and do so well in school, life, etc, I just tell them God made them and they reflect His glory and that I'm just a witness and vessel. They really are freaks of nature, lol!
--hide--




You are being very modest, Rachel. We all know what a garden looks like when it is not cared for properly. I am sure your children are doing well because they had a lot of attention and guidance. Congratulations for taking your job seriously.


That having been said, life is hard and kids are not as resilient as we might like to think they are. Which means that some parents will have a tougher job than others. And, there are issues that no parenting can resolve, though I believe they are very few. I once told one of my children, "Hell no I am not your friend. I am your mother and if I am a good mother then one day I will be your friend. YOU ARE GROUNDED!" This sweet child who was sometimes very difficult to parent is now my best friend. And, the issues of parenting do not stop when they are 18. Children contintue to grow as adults and we continue to parent.


While we are talking about parenting, I want to take the chance to brag on mine. The oldest is a major in the Air Force, the middle child is a college professor and the youngest child is an analyst for the Navy. Yes, I am a proud mother and yes the greater portion of my adult life was spent in being a stay at home mother, which I fully realize I was so very fortunate to be able to do.

If a gentleman has difficulty with the success of my children, I will be happy to talk about that issue and see if we can find common ground. If we can't, the conversation ends.


I am confident that the man God has out there for me will be very comfortable with the success of my children and they with him, and he will be a welcomed addition to our family.


- Elizabeth

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-106 said: Unless these men are trying to give a backhanded compliment on your children, they sound like wusses to me. ...
(Quote) Mary-106 said: Unless these men are trying to give a backhanded compliment on your children, they sound like wusses to me. Instead of being "intimidated" they should praise you and acknowledge your hard work and grace of God. Would they prefer a woman in their children's lives who raised rotten children of her own? Next time some bone head says they are intimidated ..asked him what he means by that? And you should not be downplaying your kids. All moms should be allowed to gush and swoon about their kids
--hide--


I have to say that I have missed this camraderie and you all made me smile. I always have coached and taught that good families can have children that make poor choices, but rarely do bad families make good choices. All of Phil's and my resources--time, energy, money, effort, talents--went into those five children. We never even had a weekend away/night away without our children in 23 years of marriage. Our commitment was them sometimes at the expense of us. We were so young when they were all out of the house. The singular best blessing that Phil received in his short life? Seeing all of his children flying and being successful. We made quite the team.

Feb 9th 2013 new
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Recently, I began to put my foot back into the dating waters. It has been 25 years since I was single and a go...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

Recently, I began to put my foot back into the dating waters. It has been 25 years since I was single and a good thirty years before I really was single for very long. I had my five children very young (starting at 21 and ended with my youngest of 5 at 31). They are incredibly successful (small understatement), but more than that, they are great children. I am walking a very public journey due to how my husband was killed and the fire blazing within. Here is my problem. On initial dates, everyone asks about my children. Even though I run down the list with the very minimum of basics, the two men I have gone out with still have children at home and they kept telling me how intimidating it was to have my children be doing so well. I am never sure what to say. I say nothing which leads me to feel embarrassed by the fact they are doping well. Suggestions?

--hide--


You look very active. Join a running club or sailing club or both. Try some ideas on meetup.com
Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-397948 said: You look very active. Join a running club or sailing club or both. Try some ideas on meetup.com
(Quote) Jim-397948 said:

You look very active. Join a running club or sailing club or both. Try some ideas on meetup.com
--hide--


That I am, Jim. I am also ahead of you. I did sign up for the meetup site. Sadly, it is winter here in New England. I can't wait to swim in Walden Pond this spring. I just got a road bike and I run all the time. Good ideas!

Feb 9th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Good ideas!
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Good ideas!

--hide--
Linda, I celebrate your successful children with you, and I also believe as one person commented that it is getting more difficult to raise good kids because of our soiwty's challenges. You are obviously a "catch" in etrms of being an accomplished woman and desirable spouse and these men may, in fact, be intimidated by you. However, we learn from every date that we go on, so you are getting a chance to refine you dating skills. And the men may simply beam if you encourage them. It is difficult to be in the thick of raising kids as a single parent.

Feb 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Good ideas!
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:


Good ideas!

--hide--


Hi Linda, interesting reading your post and the subsequent replies. I am also widowed mother of five (my husband was killed by a drunk driver 8 years ago) and have 3 at home and 2 at university. I do sometimes think that having some kids still at home puts men off?? Unlike you, I was late marrying, so my youngest is not yet 16. I would be wary of telling too much about them to someone I didn't know well (though I love and am proud of them all) simply out of respect for them. All the best!

Feb 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Marion-824292 said: Hi Linda, interesting reading your post and the subsequent replies. I am also widow...
(Quote) Marion-824292 said:


Hi Linda, interesting reading your post and the subsequent replies. I am also widowed mother of five (my husband was killed by a drunk driver 8 years ago) and have 3 at home and 2 at university. I do sometimes think that having some kids still at home puts men off?? Unlike you, I was late marrying, so my youngest is not yet 16. I would be wary of telling too much about them to someone I didn't know well (though I love and am proud of them all) simply out of respect for them. All the best!

--hide--


Here is how the converation goes. "How many kids do you have." Five. "Are any of them at home." No. "What do they do?" Four are in the military, one is not. "What do they do in the military?" I NEVER bring it up. It is daunting. Today I met someone who actually talked a lot about his daughter and asked me specific questions about my children. He lives much too far from me (I was at a marathon), but it gave me hope. He will be a good friend and it is nice to know that he wasn't put off. He even told m that it was refreshing to meet someone his age that had kids that were doing well. What does that say?

Feb 17th 2013 new

Linda:

I know what you are talking about. I have a son on a full ride academic scholarship at the University of WA. He started taking classes in college at 12. He is also an all American swimmer. Not a geek. People act like I am lying when I speak about him eventhough I downplay. Also have a great older son who is very techy. Why are we suppose to hide our greatest accomplishments?

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