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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: I read your whole post. The looks part was that part that stood out the most so...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:





I read your whole post. The looks part was that part that stood out the most so thus, I responded to that part....

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Ehh, that was the most insignificant part of it- can't guess why it stood out to you, the meat of my reply was all about men lying/hiding truth to avoid hurting a girls feelings, when he should just hurt her dang feelings if it's the truth. I replied to you all nice and you come back at me with "Well you asked why" putting words in my mouth and like you're trying to defend yourself, which makes me put on defense we are borg Don't take jabs so personally- I didn't mean to be rude, I'm just blunt like that. My family throws insults back and forth all the time, I hear it's very "European"? eyebrow
You might want to think about the "pretty girls get dates, unpretty girls don't" thing- you basically imply everyone here is unattractive- because we can't get dates IRL, obviously.

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Gary-936836 said: Mary -- I'm really sorry for the crap that guy put you through. No, seriously. And your dad ac...
(Quote) Gary-936836 said:

Mary -- I'm really sorry for the crap that guy put you through. No, seriously. And your dad actually said that? Shouldn't he have said the opposite -- with a shotgun in his hand?!

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Yeah, you'd think, but my ex is a charmer, he seems so real and he's fun, even though you know he's full of it- you hate to love him, and my dad likes him. Heck I still like him. And my dad told him he better not ever cheat on me (he didn't know I'd already caught him seeing someone behind my back at one point) but "if he ever does" to not say anything- because there's no sense to hurt a girl's feelings if you just slipped up. But yeah, I would want to know- being lied to or not told something like that, it's usually worse than the offense; that was my original reply to the OP: don't try to spare feelings, for Gods'sake, tell the truth yoda

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: (Quote) Justin-32820 said: ...but normally this is a sign of immaturity at ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

Quote:
Justin-32820 said:

...but normally this is a sign of immaturity at best or at worst they are just superficial. Either way they are not men you want to be tied to in the long run.




Nice POV, Justin, I'm just not sure most guys are honest about the looks thing when they start dating. I mean, I've only had 2 people tell me "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you" and that's okay! Most guys I've met are interested only in sex, so when I say no, I always end up "one of the guys" as much as I try to make them see the package deal- like, I'll get into the game with them, play darts at the bar, suggest we take our cars to the race track or our firearms to the range, don't need any help with changing a tire (or an engine), and will call them out on their BS (as needed). It's my way of flirting I thought guys wanted a girl they can be best friends with, but every single dang time- cfompletely friendzoned for no sex, and they always say it's because I'm "no longer attractive" since I turn them down for sex, and became "one'a the guys" It took me a long time to figure out that my method doesn't really work..so I took to curling my hair and baking things in the shape of hearts

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Hang in there Mary. I know it can be hard, but believe it or not your sparing yourself a lot of hart ache down the road. What you'er doing is just flushing out their real intentions and preventing yourself from getting into a relationship where you would end up being mainly used. This can be hard for a lot of women to understand, but is most cases it really is not about her it's about HIM, where he is and what he is looking for at that moment. So try not to get yourself value to caught up in what those guys think of you.


One things i'll add, to try focus on your own passions, that's one of the most attractive things a woman a can do.

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: Ehh, that was the most insignificant part of it- can't guess why it stood out to you, ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:



Ehh, that was the most insignificant part of it- can't guess why it stood out to you, the meat of my reply was all about men lying/hiding truth to avoid hurting a girls feelings, when he should just hurt her dang feelings if it's the truth. I replied to you all nice and you come back at me with "Well you asked why" putting words in my mouth and like you're trying to defend yourself, which makes me put on defense Don't take jabs so personally- I didn't mean to be rude, I'm just blunt like that. My family throws insults back and forth all the time, I hear it's very "European"?
You might want to think about the "pretty girls get dates, unpretty girls don't" thing- you basically imply everyone here is unattractive- because we can't get dates IRL, obviously.

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I'll survive... LOL

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said: I suppose I wished that men understood that even though a woman is good at "being one of...
(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said:

I suppose I wished that men understood that even though a woman is good at "being one of the guys," that doesn't mean she wants to stay in that position. I may be geeky as they come, I may be a little bit gritty, and I may have a lot of bravado, but inside I'm just a woman who wants to be loved and cherished as much as the next one.


Even strong-willed, determined, ambitious women don't want to be the ones holding the tiller as the boat careens away from shore. Even us warrior-types don't really want to be the strong one all the time. We want to be protected. We want to get flowers and be treated like princesses, even if a man has to strip off our armor to do it. We want to look after someone who is worthy of our laying down our arms, not just another "sensitive type" who only cares about his own feelings and will surely defer to our commands.


What I wish I had learned about guys earlier is that most of the ones in my generation are afraid of women, because they haven't been trained to be men. And more's the pity, because they hate themselves for it. They want to be heroes, but they don't know how.

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Thank you for saying that, Elizabeth!

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) John-202956 said: It seems to me that women don't like intelligent men because they find such men as know it all...
(Quote) John-202956 said:

It seems to me that women don't like intelligent men because they find such men as know it all's.

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John, you do bring up a good point. I guess I wasn't specific enough. I am not to crazy about a know it all, because as I see it a know it all is someone who has an ego problem and is unable to listen to other people's perspectives and can tend to be somewhat dismissive of others. But I LOVE an intelligent man who is considerate of others and listens to them thoughtfully yet can articulate his perspective in such a way that I not only understand his point but it also enlarges my understanding of the topic and increases my knowledge. THAT is what excites me!

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Gary-936836 said: On the "men are fixers not feelers" thing: it's not exclusively a man vs woman thing...
(Quote) Gary-936836 said:

On the "men are fixers not feelers" thing: it's not exclusively a man vs woman thing, although those lines are roughly accurate. According to Otto Kroeger's Type Talk, two thirds of American men are Thinkers and two-thirds of American women are Feelers. In the Meyers-Briggs framework, I'm definitely an INFJ.

Anyway: people want to just express themselves sometimes to vent frustration. We want to line out our problems not to have the content of the problem solved, but to hear someone say "no, you're perfectly justified in feeling that way about it. It's as if some people (not all of whom are women) want to say "I have this strange thing, this [anger/frustration/fear/insecurity]. Is that normal?" It's better to actually take of the woman than to take care of her problems. And then, take care of her problems.

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Glad you said this. I always feel weird because I think I'm a fixer too!

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I wish I knew how much men truly value looks, and how they (tend to) think it's better to hide...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I wish I knew how much men truly value looks, and how they (tend to) think it's better to hide the truth if it'll hurt someone they care about :/

I wish men knew that it's better to not hide anything because oftentimes the act of hiding it or lying is more upsetting than whatever it was. I caught my dad telling my ex if he ever cheated on me to not tell me, just don't let it happen again. Neither understood why that upset me! If that were the case and he told me, we'd work through it- lie and I find out about it? Far FAR worse. Little things, too. Don't like my dinner? Tell me so I can make it better. Don't tell me you love it so I keep making it and eventually feel like an idiot when I find out you hate it...even if it's meant to spare feelings, being lied to and finding out about it feels cruel and heartbreaking (to me, anyhow)

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I had to keep reading this to believe you really said "dad". Wow. I'm sorry.

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: Yeah, you'd think, but my ex is a charmer, he seems so real and he's fun, even tho...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:



Yeah, you'd think, but my ex is a charmer, he seems so real and he's fun, even though you know he's full of it- you hate to love him, and my dad likes him. Heck I still like him. And my dad told him he better not ever cheat on me (he didn't know I'd already caught him seeing someone behind my back at one point) but "if he ever does" to not say anything- because there's no sense to hurt a girl's feelings if you just slipped up. But yeah, I would want to know- being lied to or not told something like that, it's usually worse than the offense; that was my original reply to the OP: don't try to spare feelings, for Gods'sake, tell the truth

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Ok, I read this now...makes a little more sense though still misguided because as soon as he added the words, "but if he ever does" the rest went out the window.

Feb 14th 2013 new

(Quote) Gary-936836 said: Re: female beauty and how much looks should/shouldn't/do/don't matter to men:
(Quote) Gary-936836 said:

Re: female beauty and how much looks should/shouldn't/do/don't matter to men: Some people just aren't realistic or fair. That really sucks. You may know some things you find attractive, but you might mislabel a "must-have" quality as a "preferred" or a "preferred" as a "must-have". The exact way it works can't really be worked out except through trial and error. In short: people need to give people a chance. That's the benefit of online dating is that it doesn't become looks-driven once you actually get a covnersation going. (Maybe it's looks-driven while thumbing through matches, but that's because they're showing you faces, so you evaluate faces.)

Katherine: I don't know what "fashionable but not trendy" is, either. I don't make fashion statements -- I make fashion questions.

Mary -- I'm really sorry for the crap that guy put you through. No, seriously. And your dad actually said that? Shouldn't he have said the opposite -- with a shotgun in his hand?!

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Yes, this used to upset me when I was younger, but now I realize that those who are unrealistic in their desires for a mate are only hurting themselves; not me. There are other men out there who ARE realistic and good!

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