Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
I spent a many years before moving away as a 3rd order Oblate working at, and doing odd jobs after work for, the Benedictine convent and the sisters' school for girls. Sr Mary Bride was short Irish woman with a lot of polish and confidence. I wish I had known what she told me one time with a big smile, "John, the reason you don't get it yet is because men go A, B, C, D, ..... to Z. We women go A, Z and wait for you men to catch up." This has proven true many many times and I am forever grateful to her for sharing.
I wish I had known the "intuitive" and "trust in the heart for matters of the heart" that often make women superior to men in many cases, such as tenderly loving a child - or a man. In such things especially, I am trudging through rationale, whereas they simply are already present and administering love and common sense. Often decisions can cause harm to this beautiful attribute, so it wasn't until later that I realized it is often good for a man to make final decisions because it can preserve the delicate love a woman is capable of, but better for all that he takes the counsel of a prudent loving woman.
I wish I had known earlier how incredible a woman's heart truely is, it has got to be the crowning touch of God in creation. For this reason a woman has the ability to raise a child or man up to the heavens or destroy them. For example, a grown woman told me of being abused by her alcoholic mother. She said me that she didn't mind the beatings, those healed. However, her words left her injured for life. (I think men can also harm a woman by words and indifference too - more than most men can possibly know.) As a cardiologist told me, the skin of women is figuratively and literally thinner than a man, inside and out. They are more sensitive to heat/cold, touch, things said and unsaid, and emotions than men he said.
I wish I had consciously known what I experienced but only recognized late in life, that the heart of a woman makes a house into a home, that abusing this gift from God can destroy both if doing things opposite God's desired will. Women can be literally awesome, elevating a empty cold house into a loving, warm, nurturing home - and I am not talking about decorations or nicknacks!
I wish I had know the capacity for women to typically feel far more emotion than a man can. Her ups and downs can be far wider than a man is capable of feeling or relating to. Men are often at a complete loss as to why some things are so important to a woman, whereas the woman's emotional range can easliy and fully cover the limited range of a man - a very good attribute for making a great wife or why I think it is good that women are so important to a child and a husband. A woman's love can often lead directly to God ...
Finally I wish I had known that many aspects of a woman are a truly a mystery(!!!) beyond the advice of Sr Mary Bride to me. Why men are attracted to women and vice versa remains a mystery to me. The person of women is usually a constantly unfolding mystery too. The mystery is most worth pursuing and rewarding to a man when secure and growing in the heart of God. This is why I think the mystery of the ark of Noah is fulfilled in Mary, our Mother. Mary's heart is truly the new ark for our time, capable of carrying us safely to Jesus in heaven and into a new era of His story with us. Her capacity for authentic love is incredible, encompassing the hearts of all peoples both men and women. We are so lucky to have such a Mother. It is no wonder why Jesus keeps honoring her with titles on earth and heaven and grants her petitions. She really reflects God so well, conceding her will in life and death and forever in heaven. She and God make heaven a home with room for all redeemed by Jesus. She and God make a Kingdom using as the family as cornerstone.
Regarding the fixer versus listener: I grew up the only girl with 3 brothers. My late husband and I had 6 sons. Even our dog was male. I've been out-numbered all my life. Out of self-preservation, I've developed some "male" traits. I want to solve other people's problems and have to work at just listening. I don't want a fixer (at least not all the time) so why should I be one?
Regarding looks: That's something I've struggled with all my life. Nobody ever told me I was pretty, not even my parents. (Or if they did, I don't remember it.) Looking at old pictures of myself, I see that I was actually quite attractive but I never knew it. When you think you are ugly, it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I gained a lot of weight as an adult. My profile picture is about 3 or 4 years old and about 60 pounds heavier than I am now and I still have a long road ahead. I think my profile is pretty good at showing my personality but I'm willing to bet 90% of the men who see my picture don't even bother to read the profile. I've been a member for quite a while now and have only had one man contact me. That was a mess better suited for another topic. Of all the men I have sent messages or emoticons to, very few have replied. Of those who did reply, the vast majority made it fairly clear that they weren't interested. ("Thank you. I wish you luck in your search.")
So, where are all these men who say that looks don't matter? They certainly aren't viewing my profile or showing up in my matches.
Generally speaking, most men are physically bigger, stronger, (maybe more aggressive) than most women. I think there are guys who use this to their advantage and some try to "scare" the woman with this "power." Please don't do that. If a woman declines your interest, (and hopefully she did so politely), please accept it with grace and just move on. Even if she was a little rude, how you handle the "no" speaks volumes about your character.....
If you have a temper, please try to control it. Or get help for it. For everyone's benefit.
Cynthia, don't be so hard on yourself! this is happening to most of us on cm, as you can see when you visit the pinkie room. I am sure the same is said in the cave room too! It could be the men are looking but...just not ready to have a relationship. Your profile is very nice and the pictures are great! And don't feel bad, we are all in the same boat. It is called communication and friendships are the first line of communication. Just do it! For us! For you!
"Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" (dating myself) was a really intriguing book to me when I was in college - I really didn't understand how differently men and women interpreted reality. What's one thing you wish the opposite sex knew about you? What's one thing YOU wish you had known a bit earlier about the opposite sex?
I wish everyone knew how attractive it is when the other person is interested enough in you as a person that they ask thoughtful questions about you. I am very interested in other people, and try to ask these thoughtful questions. I am surprised that there are people my age who still have not learned this truth.
Okay, here's another one: I wish more men knew how attractive intelligence is (at least to me)! There is NOTHING that makes me more attracted to a man than to have a discussion with him and to find myself getting flustered or fired up because he is so smart or good at debating! Swoon!
Great intelligence is definetly a plus in a relationship!