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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 12th 2013 new
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said: Not me.I am open to God's new unique match for me.
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said:

Not me.I am open to God's new unique match for me.

--hide--


Bernard,

I, too, am completely open to God's unique new match for me.

My future husband does not need to be concerned about being compared to my late husband. He was not a practicing Catholic. He went to Mass with me about 10X during our 12 year marriage and our relationship prior to being married. He would never pray with me.

He had many great qualities. However, he would not bring the most needed one to our relationship. I prayed for him for YEARS. He promised that we would get married in the Catholic Church. Something always prevented it from happening.

My husband worked the midnight and the afternoon shift during 90%+ of our marriage. We rarely did things together. We were happy for the majority of our marriage.

Despite all that, we had a marriage that worked. He was my very best friend. I truly and completely loved him.

It has been 4 and a half years since he passed away. I have been able to give my heart to two CM gentlemen since his passing. Each one brought something new and renewing to my life.

I look forward to God's gift in my future husband. I look forward to getting to know him; and he getting to know me. Most of all, I look forward to my future husband and I becoming the "Best Version of Ourselves" both as individuals and as a married couple.

Gentlemen, I am not currently dating/courting anyone. rose cookie hersheyskiss rosary
Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Steven -- picture yourself as a widow and trying to find a woman who looks, acts, thinks, and has the same values of your late wife. What does that come down to? A replacement status for the new person in your life. A lot of us have had strong attachments to a person who "got away", and, if you think about it, is the regret losing the woman herself, or the fact she "got away"?

I'm sure a woman wouldn't want to hear she's a replacement for someone you lost. Not very flattering; not assuring at all. Do you care for this woman, or the previous love of your life? In a sense, it's as if you're grieving and haven't gotten over it yet.

Place yourself in the other person's shoes (yeah, I'm positive they won't fit you) and ask yourself how you would feel. The past is history -- you can't go back; you can't recapture it. Even if that lost woman were to return to your life, there's a good chance that things wouldn't be the same.

Most of us can be compatible with different personalities -- appreciating our differences, yet working together on the things in common. There isn't just one person for us in this world of billions of people. It's true that not just anyone will do, but there are others out there. The replacement goal is treading on dangerous ground. The new woman in your life must be number one, not 1 1/2. Considering everyone is unique, it's not even likely you'll find an identical match. You need to respect each person as an individual -- not the shadow or ghost of someone else.

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Steven, I think the fact that you realize this and are wanting to change it is a mature perspective. People probably go through many years of this and don't come to the realization of it. I only have one corny suggestion. Write her a letter and say goodbye, don't mail it! burn it or throw it away. Forgive her and forgive yourself. Let her go and be released from it. Your hiccupping may continue if you don't address the source of it.

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Christine offered a worthwhile suggestion and I hope you will consider it.

While reading her post, something came to mind that was a popular statement made by Pogo in the comic strips: "We have met the enemy and he is us." Indeed -- sometimes we are fighting ourselves -- often a losing battle.

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said:Write her a letter and say goodbye, don't mail it! burn it or throw it away. Forgive her and forg...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:Write her a letter and say goodbye, don't mail it! burn it or throw it away. Forgive her and forgive yourself. Let her go and be released from it. Your hiccupping may continue if you don't address the source of it.

--hide--

Consider contacting her as a true friend. Wonder how many relationships don't have friendship as a foundation?

Men and women CAN have friendship w/o a romantic relationship.

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--


hey Steven,, I can kinda relate to what you're saying, and the way i look at it is .. Meeting the right person will only happen if you keep an open mind, kinda like a blank slate. While there are memories of good relationshhips you want to remember and ones that you want to forget, try not to let them define what you're looking for. Every relationship we have is a learning experience and it's usually when it ends that we realize what we learned. Look to the future and not so much to the past. My motto is "movin forward" GL smile Praying two cents

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Excellent point. Something to think about and pray about. theheart

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--
Steven, you have not mentioned how long ago this woman was in your life. Perhaps you need a little more time to let go of the past. Dating "on the rebound" can be emotionally unhealthy for you and unfair to another. If this is not the case, then I suggest reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind..... I started a thread about this reading, "What God's will in love really is". It may still be there in the forums. Every person is different and special. We must: {{See the blessings in front of us, rather than what we wish to create}} Best wishes to you.

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Bernard-2709 said: Not me.I am open to God's new unique match for me.
(Quote) Bernard-2709 said:

Not me.I am open to God's new unique match for me.

--hide--


Uhh..Yeah.. Some of us have 'been there/done that' and we are looking for someone different than we had before. wink

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Christine offered a worthwhile suggestion and I hope you will consider it. While reading her...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Christine offered a worthwhile suggestion and I hope you will consider it.

While reading her post, something came to mind that was a popular statement made by Pogo in the comic strips: "We have met the enemy and he is us." Indeed -- sometimes we are fighting ourselves -- often a losing battle.

--hide--


I am my own worst enemy in a budding relationship.. So far I haven't had the experience of someone sticking with me and ignoring my attempts to self-sabotage.. boggled

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