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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 12th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--


HI Steven,

I can kind of relate to this and I think it's a very common here on CM. The last time I used CM nearly every woman i talked with was trying to get over their ex or the last guy they were "involved" with. I think this type of thing is pretty normal in the online dating world or maybe just the dating world in general. I don't think there is necessary anything wrong with contacting someone who reminds you of someone from your past as long as it's something that just catches your eye and not the main reason for your interest.


I think it's important to keep in mind each person that comes into our lives is an opportunity for us to grow as a person and become a better husband/wife in the future. So untimely we make choice to try and learn from the past and grow, or to give into regret and bitterness. I recommend to take sometime and reflect on the good and the bad in her and yourself and see what you can learn form this experience. This is a process that will take time and sometimes the deeper lesions may not show themselves for years, but it's worth doing and will help in the long run.

Feb 12th 2013 new

I do not think one ever forgets their first true love no matter how many years have gone by. tombstone Many people when they become single do not properly grieve their lost relationships before becoming involved again with someone new. So they bring into their new relationship their past conditioning, a baggage that will likely taint their new relationship. It takes time, energy and courage to grieve one's lost love(s), to get used to living well with one's aloness, to become re-acquainted with one's self and to de-condition. Olympics

Feb 13th 2013 new

Here is another prayer to St. Raphael:

Archangel Raphael, who stands before the throne of God, always ready to present our petitions, be my recourse as I come to you with this holy intention and desire for marriage. I come to you because of your faithful service to Tobias as he pursued a wife that would be holy and suitable as his life partner. I ask you to be my guide in finding the best person to travel along with me on this life's journey. Help me find someone who will share my faith and hopes, a love who will claim all the affection of my heart. Find for me a partner who will welcome children into our life with open arms, and one who will join with me in serving our Creator all the days of our life. Amen

I think it might be appropriate to omit the part about welcoming children for those who are older.

Feb 13th 2013 new

Hi Steven!

I have often times find myself doing the same thing that you are doing. My situation has not been necessarily someone I dated but someone whom I am great friends with. It can be quite a challenge. Over time and through prayer, I have been able to slowly get away from looking for that guy who matches him in every way (or almost every way). I have caught myself looking for it and have been able to realize how I am sizing up men and how I should be. It hasn't led me to Mr. Right yet but it has allowed me to be a more open and accepting person in which I have made new friends I may not have otherwise. I am not sure if this is even helpful but just know that you are not alone and just pray :)

Feb 16th 2013 new

Along the same lines...and I've certainly been guilty of this....looking for the "one" who fits the ideal you've created in your own mind...an ideal that perhaps no one can live up to....


"I have dreamed thee too long...

never seen thee or touched thee...but known thee with all of my heart....

Half a prayer...half a song...

thou has always been with me thou we have been always apart..."


www.youtube.com

Feb 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of loo...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...

--hide--


What exactly it is, you keep getting caught doing here may be a very common problem. Most of us want to be loved. To be loved means we must be seen first. Most of us want to be seen. Practice SEEING OTHERS. Most of us want someone to see us, not superimpose someone else onto us or look past us due to someone else. PRAY to get over her. You must do this. Immerse yourself in God's healing presence. Ask for this to be healed. It can actually happen. theheart Remember her good qualities, but move on to live your own life.

Feb 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Jim-50634 said: Along the same lines...and I've certainly been guilty of this....looking for the "one"...
(Quote) Jim-50634 said:

Along the same lines...and I've certainly been guilty of this....looking for the "one" who fits the ideal you've created in your own mind...an ideal that perhaps no one can live up to....


"I have dreamed thee too long...

never seen thee or touched thee...but known thee with all of my heart....

Half a prayer...half a song...

thou has always been with me thou we have been always apart..."


www.youtube.com

--hide--



I daresay this is a common problem here. Ask God to pull you toward a better result. theheart A REAL result.

Feb 16th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: (Quote) Steven-360218 said: I'm not sure if anyone else has had th...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

Quote:
Steven-360218 said:

I'm not sure if anyone else has had this problem, but I often times find that instead of looking for the right match I am actually looking for someone that matches the "one that got away." I search these profiles all the time and instead of looking for a new connection that is different I find that I am just trying to find someone that matches that echo from the past. Any advice on snapping my mental hiccup? I want to meet the right person and get married, but I can't get past trying to recapture what once was by finding a similar person. I think it is holding me back and I want to move forward...


Steven, I think the fact that you realize this and are wanting to change it is a mature perspective. People probably go through many years of this and don't come to the realization of it. I only have one corny suggestion. Write her a letter and say goodbye, don't mail it! burn it or throw it away. Forgive her and forgive yourself. Let her go and be released from it. Your hiccupping may continue if you don't address the source of it.

--hide--


Excellent Christine! Thank you!

Feb 17th 2013 new

Thanks for the good advice everyone! It's not really about getting over the person from my past though. I just need to learn to tell myself that I can find that same spark with another person that has different qualities. I'll keep trying and take what you all said to heart.

wave

Feb 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Steven-360218 said: Thanks for the good advice everyone! It's not really about getting over the person from my p...
(Quote) Steven-360218 said:

Thanks for the good advice everyone! It's not really about getting over the person from my past though. I just need to learn to tell myself that I can find that same spark with another person that has different qualities. I'll keep trying and take what you all said to heart.

--hide--


It has been my experience that a new love will not occupy the exact space in your heart as the last one. (Think about parents loving their children equally but differently.) Expecting it to feel exactly the same may lead you to overlook a different love that is love all the same and worth holding onto for its own sake. May God grant you the imagination necessary to be open to a new shape of love. hug

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