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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

What am I to do?

Feb 13th 2013 new

I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I have been hurt by this. I try to remain friends until the said process is done. I asked this man about his marriage to try to discern the likelihood of an annulment even being granted. I asked him to ask his priest about it. Now after a lovely friendship has developed, he wont talk to me. Am I suppose to just NOT TALK to these folks? I don't want to hurt them any more than I want to be hurt. Please God help me as I walk through this mine field of the dating world! It als seems that the vast majority of the men in my area fall into this category. How sad.

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I ha...
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said:

I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I have been hurt by this. I try to remain friends until the said process is done. I asked this man about his marriage to try to discern the likelihood of an annulment even being granted. I asked him to ask his priest about it. Now after a lovely friendship has developed, he wont talk to me. Am I suppose to just NOT TALK to these folks? I don't want to hurt them any more than I want to be hurt. Please God help me as I walk through this mine field of the dating world! It als seems that the vast majority of the men in my area fall into this category. How sad.

--hide--
You are doing the right thing. You can lead a horse to water. .. Maybe your conversations will have an impact on him at a later time, if not now. hug

Feb 13th 2013 new

Of the couples I know though CM and married, with a number of them it was nearly always the man who didn't have an annulment complete.. Though I do know one man from here who is dating a woman who is dragging her heels about getting one.. He was a Forum poster and a widower..She didn't post. Of the couples I'm acquainted with, the annulments came through eventually..They'd make it easier on everyone if they would just get on the stick and get it done.

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: You are doing the right thing. You can lead a horse to water. .. Maybe your conversations will have...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:

You are doing the right thing. You can lead a horse to water. .. Maybe your conversations will have an impact on him at a later time, if not now.

--hide--
I asked him to check with his priest. He talked to me all that night with no weirdness. The next day... I heard nothing. He said he would talk to his priest but I have no idea if that is what has spurred his silence or just the fact that he realized that it is something that I would really need to care about him the way I think he deserves to be cared about. He may have gotten some news from his priest that he wasn't happy about. Specualtion is a waste of time, I know. I just find the whole thing rather sad because he was a great guy! Please folks! so many of us are ready, willing and able... please try to be able

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Of the couples I know though CM and married, with a number of them it was nearly always the man wh...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

Of the couples I know though CM and married, with a number of them it was nearly always the man who didn't have an annulment complete.. Though I do know one man from here who is dating a woman who is dragging her heels about getting one.. He was a Forum poster and a widower..She didn't post. Of the couples I'm acquainted with, the annulments came through eventually..They'd make it easier on everyone if they would just get on the stick and get it done.

--hide--
I know it is complicated, I know that it is emotional, I know that it can be scary to think that it might not be given but it would be so nice if they would have their annulments

Feb 13th 2013 new
Hang in there. You will find the one.
Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I ha...
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said:

I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I have been hurt by this. I try to remain friends until the said process is done. I asked this man about his marriage to try to discern the likelihood of an annulment even being granted. I asked him to ask his priest about it. Now after a lovely friendship has developed, he wont talk to me. Am I suppose to just NOT TALK to these folks? I don't want to hurt them any more than I want to be hurt. Please God help me as I walk through this mine field of the dating world! It als seems that the vast majority of the men in my area fall into this category. How sad.

--hide--
Hi Loretta, so sorry about your frustration and sadness. I have tried to 'be friends' with a gentleman who didn't have an annulment before. There really is no way to 'just be friends' because just thinking or talking about a potential future together is not being 'just friends'. Because he is still married in God's eyes, we must treat him as though he were still living with his wife. It is extremely difficult to find good Catholic men with annulments, but they are out there.

Also, the fact that you are asking him about his annulment and trying to get him motivated may be scaring him a little. You don't want to end up nagging him about it or asking him updates on it frequently--which we will tend to do because we want so much to know how it's progressing. He may see your 'talking' about an annulment as if you want to get married right away---a misperception by him probably, but this might be the way he is seeing it.

I will add your name to my list of intentions during the CM 54 Day Rosary Novena biggrin

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I ha...
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said:

I encountered ANOTHER great man who doesn't have an annulment. Over the course of time I have been hurt by this. I try to remain friends until the said process is done. I asked this man about his marriage to try to discern the likelihood of an annulment even being granted. I asked him to ask his priest about it. Now after a lovely friendship has developed, he wont talk to me. Am I suppose to just NOT TALK to these folks? I don't want to hurt them any more than I want to be hurt. Please God help me as I walk through this mine field of the dating world! It als seems that the vast majority of the men in my area fall into this category. How sad.

--hide--

I know that I may get shot down and crucified but I just felt that it had to be said. As Catholics if someone's marriage is not annulled they are STILL married sacramentally. Therefore they should not be dating or seeking exclusive friendships with the other sex. That is a hard message but it is the truth. When you think of it the Church does that to protect us from this heartache. Getting involved with a married man usually won't end well. As a sister in Christ who cares about you I cannot encourage you to do so with a clear concience.

I am truly sorry for your plight and I can only imagine the hurt and frustration. I am not coming in judgement but I also did not want to not condone something that we really should not be engaging in. Just keep praying and trusting in God. You are wonderful woman and he will bring the right person who is not currently married. Also married people generally need to heal from their hurt from a previous marriage in order to even have hope of success in a future one both from the Churches perspective and secular psycology. The annulement process is meant for that purpose and it even states that in the paperwork as I went through it. I am only speaking out as I hate to see people setting themselves up for hurt. God will provide a good unmarried man for you. Just trust and wait.

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Tim-734178 said: Hang in there. You will find the one.
(Quote) Tim-734178 said: Hang in there. You will find the one.
--hide--
I am sure you are right. Thank you. at the moment I am feeling a bit faint Dealing with these situations kinda wears me out. I stay the course and tell folks what my expectations are up front so that they are prepared. I dont want to hurt anyone and I dont want to set myself up to be hurt either

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Christine-924384 said: Hi Loretta, so sorry about your frustration and sadness. I have tried to 'be friends'...
(Quote) Christine-924384 said:

Hi Loretta, so sorry about your frustration and sadness. I have tried to 'be friends' with a gentleman who didn't have an annulment before. There really is no way to 'just be friends' because just thinking or talking about a potential future together is not being 'just friends'. Because he is still married in God's eyes, we must treat him as though he were still living with his wife. It is extremely difficult to find good Catholic men with annulments, but they are out there.

Also, the fact that you are asking him about his annulment and trying to get him motivated may be scaring him a little. You don't want to end up nagging him about it or asking him updates on it frequently--which we will tend to do because we want so much to know how it's progressing. He may see your 'talking' about an annulment as if you want to get married right away---a misperception by him probably, but this might be the way he is seeing it.

I will add your name to my list of intentions during the CM 54 Day Rosary Novena

--hide--
You are a sweet heart. Thank you for the prayer. We have been only friends. Nothing romantic has transpired. There have been no dates because I also believe that he is out of bounds.

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