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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Specific questions & comments

Feb 13th 2013 new

I have just gone through the profiles of a multitude of men and it bothers me that many of them say they don't agree with the Church's teaching on premarital sex. So if everything else looks interesting, how do we deal with this belief if we don't want to be entangled in a sexual relationship at any stage of the relationship? I am disappointed, but not surprised even though the men I have reviewed are in the over 60 group.

To answer my own question, if a man indicated in any way (physical or verbal) that he wanted to move too quickly, it is up to the woman to set those boundaries clearly and succinctly--just don't go there! I would love to know that a lot of men on this site are gentlemen and respectful of boundaries. Any comments or suggestions.

I do like the temperment profile because it gives us insight on how a person operates & how we can best treat them.

Feb 13th 2013 new

(Quote) Carol-737878 said: I have just gone through the profiles of a multitude of men and it bothers me that many of them s...
(Quote) Carol-737878 said:

I have just gone through the profiles of a multitude of men and it bothers me that many of them say they don't agree with the Church's teaching on premarital sex. So if everything else looks interesting, how do we deal with this belief if we don't want to be entangled in a sexual relationship at any stage of the relationship? I am disappointed, but not surprised even though the men I have reviewed are in the over 60 group.

To answer my own question, if a man indicated in any way (physical or verbal) that he wanted to move too quickly, it is up to the woman to set those boundaries clearly and succinctly--just don't go there! I would love to know that a lot of men on this site are gentlemen and respectful of boundaries. Any comments or suggestions.

I do like the temperment profile because it gives us insight on how a person operates & how we can best treat them.

--hide--

Carol I am going to jump in here and give you my take although I think several of the members can give you some great advice. But I think you have to look at things through the assumption of Christian charity and the good in the person and not assume the worst.

1. At least he is being honest about the question. He could easily be dishonest and then you find out later he is not at all interested in what the Church teaches.

2. He may have answered the question for a number of different reasons, he didn't follow the teachings in the past, he isn't sure if he can, not sure if he wants to. Could be general confusion.

3. Beyond how he answered the question, how will he treat you. Let's say he does not agree with the Church teaching but because he likes you and then even falls in love with you he respects that you do agree and therefore he is willing to wait. It may not be ideal but the result is the same and life is not always ideal.

4. If his ideas are not compatible with yours, you should be able to determine that quickly but there is little reason to give someone a chance just because of how they they answered a few questions.

5. The advantage is that at least you know some important things up front and you can figure that into how you are determining if he is compatible. How much benefit you give him may be effected by some fo his answers.

Remember doesn't matter if it is online, church function, party or through friends always use prudence when getting to know and trust someone. Use common sense and pray for God's will to guide you.

Feb 15th 2013 new

Brian,

Thanks for your helpful reply. I actually did meet a very nice gentleman who had said no to the premarital sex question but was extremely respectful to me. It is always wise to be prudent as you suggested. And I will not discount any possibility based on that particular response.

Feb 15th 2013 new

clap clap clap


I would add, it takes two to tango. So what if he's okay with premarial sex? If you aren't, it ain't gonna happen.

Feb 15th 2013 new

I prefer someone who agree with all the church's teachings, but it's not a requirement- not agreeing with it doesn't always mean they don't practice it. The only one I would absolutely have to have them agree to is the sanctity of life, I just cannot respect a person who doesn't agree to that. Otherwise, I can work with my bf/spouse disagreeing with everything else so long as he practices it and doesn't restrict my belief in it. I've had arguments with plenty of Catholic guys about contraceptives- they believe there is nothing wrong with using them (or maybe, not AS wrong as it's said to be) but will respect the church's teaching regarding them.

Feb 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said:I would add, it takes two to tango. So what if he's okay with premarial sex? If you aren't, i...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I would add, it takes two to tango. So what if he's okay with premarial sex? If you aren't, it ain't gonna happen.

--hide--

If the person doesn't agree with the teaching on premarital sex but is 100% behind the other's decision to avoid it, there may not be a problem. If they are not behind the other person 100% they may be less willing to resist the temptation when it gets very strong, or even to avoid the near temptations. Of greater concern is that a person who is open to moral relativism on one point is likely to be open to it on others as well. Caveat dater.

 

Feb 15th 2013 new

Very true. N/t

Feb 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: I prefer someone who agree with all the church's teachings, but it's not a requirement- no...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

I prefer someone who agree with all the church's teachings, but it's not a requirement- not agreeing with it doesn't always mean they don't practice it. The only one I would absolutely have to have them agree to is the sanctity of life, I just cannot respect a person who doesn't agree to that. Otherwise, I can work with my bf/spouse disagreeing with everything else so long as he practices it and doesn't restrict my belief in it. I've had arguments with plenty of Catholic guys about contraceptives- they believe there is nothing wrong with using them (or maybe, not AS wrong as it's said to be) but will respect the church's teaching regarding them.

--hide--

Keep in mind that it's one thing to say they'll respect your views now and quite another when actually faced with a difficult situation. When push comes to shove, it can be very difficult for a couple to act in accord with the Church's teachings in some of these areas even when both fully accept them.

Feb 15th 2013 new
(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Carol I am going to jump in here and give you my take although I think several of the members can give ...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Carol I am going to jump in here and give you my take although I think several of the members can give you some great advice. But I think you have to look at things through the assumption of Christian charity and the good in the person and not assume the worst.

1. At least he is being honest about the question. He could easily be dishonest and then you find out later he is not at all interested in what the Church teaches.

2. He may have answered the question for a number of different reasons, he didn't follow the teachings in the past, he isn't sure if he can, not sure if he wants to. Could be general confusion.

3. Beyond how he answered the question, how will he treat you. Let's say he does not agree with the Church teaching but because he likes you and then even falls in love with you he respects that you do agree and therefore he is willing to wait. It may not be ideal but the result is the same and life is not always ideal.

4. If his ideas are not compatible with yours, you should be able to determine that quickly but there is little reason to give someone a chance just because of how they they answered a few questions.

5. The advantage is that at least you know some important things up front and you can figure that into how you are determining if he is compatible. How much benefit you give him may be effected by some fo his answers.

Remember doesn't matter if it is online, church function, party or through friends always use prudence when getting to know and trust someone. Use common sense and pray for God's will to guide you.

--hide--
So given the possibilities for such an answer above, are those who require 7/7 limiting their options because the question only allows for yes/no or can the options for these questions being expanded?
Feb 15th 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: So given the possibilities for such an answer above, are those who require 7/7 limiting their option...
(Quote) Elizabeth-929069 said: So given the possibilities for such an answer above, are those who require 7/7 limiting their options because the question only allows for yes/no or can the options for these questions being expanded?
--hide--


Yes, because using the 7/7 questions as a disqualifier means that the other person isn't even getting the chance to explain themself.

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