It has now been nearly 6 years since my short lived engagement ended. She was someone that I actually met on eharmony, dated for a year and then got engaged. Althought the pressure did get quite intense, I accept full responsiblity for the proposal and subsequent calling it off. It was a very emotionally difficult experience for me that still affects me to this day. (I can only imagine what it is like for those that are divorced or have had anullments.)
The most interesting thing about this woman was she was probably as close to the kind of woman most of my friends and family would have picked for me. She was conservative, a church going catholic, came from a good catholic family, well educated and very kind to others. Just about everyone that met her -liked her very much. But of course with just about every relationship, not everything was perfect. She could be very over-bearing at times, overly sensitive and despite only living 100 miles apart - did not want to move. But all things considered, I thought it made logical sense to marry her as I thought she would be a good wife and potential mother.
When it came time to get engaged, I nearly backed out (which in hindsite I wished I had), but went throught with it. But within days, I knew I had made a mistake and called it off just a few days later. We discussed going back to just dating, but after a year of dating and clearly being in two very different places, we separated for good. The reality was I knew that I really wasn't in love with her and never would be, as much as I had tried to convince myself that I was in love with her before.
Upon calling off the engagement, my family initially wasn't happy but they came to accept it after they realized it was the right decision. In many years of catholic single life, I have been told that you should just try to find someone you are compatiable with and the rest will follow. Upon my experience, I don't necessarily believe that is the case, but perhaps some of you have had different experiences.
So, what do you use in dating: head, heart or some combination of both?
This is a tricky questions and it's clearly not one or the the other, but a combination of the two. So the real question here is what is the right combination? I don't have any clear answer to this, but one thing I've noticed when I talk to my guy friends who are about get married is the ones who answer the question, "why are you marring her?" With, "because she is a great girl!" or "because she is a great catch!" end up in more or less unhappy marriages. The one's who answer "because I love her so much!" are normally much happier.
I think is this becouse there is a fundenmental turth that women are made for love and men are made to love.
Now that I'm thinking about it more, the right combination is where the head and the heart connect.