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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

02/18/2013 new

Both are needed, but in the proper proportion to the issue at hand. Only if head is balanced to the right degree with heart

will the best, ideal come about. Of course, you can only control those parts of yourself. One cannot control another's


head or heart, that's the even more tricky part.

02/18/2013 new

Patrick,

First of all, wow! Impressive story and journey - you are truly a wonderful Catholic man - it took strength to look beyond love, beyond attraction, and at the "entire picture" to make your decision. Major hats off to you, my Brother in Christ!

I recently ended a friendship/relationship with a young woman. She was intelligent, and we shared nearly all of the same interests and values - including traveling, music, volunteering, and our Catholic Faith. Both 7/7's, both close to/close with our family, active with music and volunteering in our respective cities and Catholic parishes. But after 3 months of trying to get to know her, even after a few face-to-face meetings, which were very nice (and chastely handled, I might add) - I sensed a resistance to her getting to know myself and invest time, energy, and thought into the friendship, which I hoped, someday under God's direction, MIGHT lead to more. To make the story short, things really backfired when I called her on it - and brought the situation to light. I was frustrated, and to my discredit, I probably could have handled the situation with more tact. (I am still praying for forgiveness and Mercy as I type!) I was angry at first, but then sad and questioned why someone would be so hesitant to opening up their heart, and that they took both the time and energy to block me and ban me from CM and out of their life. Prayerful forgiveness toward the other person is the only remedy, for now. Distance, time, work, and family were both factors in the decision, but she was non-comittal, non-communicative, and very doubtful of herself toward the end. Ladies, never doubt your inner strenght and self-worth. You ALL are beautiful in the eyes of your Creator, the One that Made you like precious flowers in His Field.

Sometimes, you just get those "red flags". Both men and women have to discern and think with the head, pray and feel with the heart, and listen with the soul to the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit. We as Godly, upright men know what type of woman we are seeking, and willing to fight for, protect, and uphold as Daughters of Christ. A true lady will respect herself and others as much as she respects a friend, romantic partner, or future/current husband. We all have imperfections (yes, we guys have our own faults, too - would you believe that, ladies?) Knowing when to question, how to prayerfully and thoughtfully discern a relationship, and just listen to our hearts is key in ANY friendship, courtship, relationship, dating situation, even in the situation of having a fiance, like you Patrick. We men really can show true respect for ourselves when we can end a relationship that is inherently unhealthy - or not enter into one in the first place, if we are not ready.

I am happy and joyous to hear you had the courage to look, listen, pray, and now try to resolve and find peace with your decision. I will pray for you and your searfch for "the one". May you look to our Blessed Mother and St. Joseph, Patron Saint of families, as your guide on your journey. God Bless you, Patrick - stay true to yourself, your heart, and the Church!

Praying theheart

02/18/2013 new

(Quote) Brian-179089 said: Patrick, First of all, wow! Impressive story and journey - you are truly a wonderful Catho...
(Quote) Brian-179089 said:

Patrick,

First of all, wow! Impressive story and journey - you are truly a wonderful Catholic man - it took strength to look beyond love, beyond attraction, and at the "entire picture" to make your decision. Major hats off to you, my Brother in Christ!

I recently ended a friendship/relationship with a young woman. She was intelligent, and we shared nearly all of the same interests and values - including traveling, music, volunteering, and our Catholic Faith. Both 7/7's, both close to/close with our family, active with music and volunteering in our respective cities and Catholic parishes. But after 3 months of trying to get to know her, even after a few face-to-face meetings, which were very nice (and chastely handled, I might add) - I sensed a resistance to her getting to know myself and invest time, energy, and thought into the friendship, which I hoped, someday under God's direction, MIGHT lead to more. To make the story short, things really backfired when I called her on it - and brought the situation to light. I was frustrated, and to my discredit, I probably could have handled the situation with more tact. (I am still praying for forgiveness and Mercy as I type!) I was angry at first, but then sad and questioned why someone would be so hesitant to opening up their heart, and that they took both the time and energy to block me and ban me from CM and out of their life. Prayerful forgiveness toward the other person is the only remedy, for now. Distance, time, work, and family were both factors in the decision, but she was non-comittal, non-communicative, and very doubtful of herself toward the end. Ladies, never doubt your inner strenght and self-worth. You ALL are beautiful in the eyes of your Creator, the One that Made you like precious flowers in His Field.

Sometimes, you just get those "red flags". Both men and women have to discern and think with the head, pray and feel with the heart, and listen with the soul to the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit. We as Godly, upright men know what type of woman we are seeking, and willing to fight for, protect, and uphold as Daughters of Christ. A true lady will respect herself and others as much as she respects a friend, romantic partner, or future/current husband. We all have imperfections (yes, we guys have our own faults, too - would you believe that, ladies?) Knowing when to question, how to prayerfully and thoughtfully discern a relationship, and just listen to our hearts is key in ANY friendship, courtship, relationship, dating situation, even in the situation of having a fiance, like you Patrick. We men really can show true respect for ourselves when we can end a relationship that is inherently unhealthy - or not enter into one in the first place, if we are not ready.

I am happy and joyous to hear you had the courage to look, listen, pray, and now try to resolve and find peace with your decision. I will pray for you and your searfch for "the one". May you look to our Blessed Mother and St. Joseph, Patron Saint of families, as your guide on your journey. God Bless you, Patrick - stay true to yourself, your heart, and the Church!

--hide--



thanks for your kind words but I really don't deserve them.. i simply did what I had to do but majorly messed up letting things get to the point that they did....

02/18/2013 new
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said: It has now been nearly 6 years since my short lived engagement ended. She was someone that I actually met on...
(Quote) Patrick-341178 said:

It has now been nearly 6 years since my short lived engagement ended. She was someone that I actually met on eharmony, dated for a year and then got engaged. Althought the pressure did get quite intense, I accept full responsiblity for the proposal and subsequent calling it off. It was a very emotionally difficult experience for me that still affects me to this day. (I can only imagine what it is like for those that are divorced or have had anullments.)

The most interesting thing about this woman was she was probably as close to the kind of woman most of my friends and family would have picked for me. She was conservative, a church going catholic, came from a good catholic family, well educated and very kind to others. Just about everyone that met her -liked her very much. But of course with just about every relationship, not everything was perfect. She could be very over-bearing at times, overly sensitive and despite only living 100 miles apart - did not want to move. But all things considered, I thought it made logical sense to marry her as I thought she would be a good wife and potential mother.


When it came time to get engaged, I nearly backed out (which in hindsite I wished I had), but went throught with it. But within days, I knew I had made a mistake and called it off just a few days later. We discussed going back to just dating, but after a year of dating and clearly being in two very different places, we separated for good. The reality was I knew that I really wasn't in love with her and never would be, as much as I had tried to convince myself that I was in love with her before.


Upon calling off the engagement, my family initially wasn't happy but they came to accept it after they realized it was the right decision. In many years of catholic single life, I have been told that you should just try to find someone you are compatiable with and the rest will follow. Upon my experience, I don't necessarily believe that is the case, but perhaps some of you have had different experiences.


So, what do you use in dating: head, heart or some combination of both?





--hide--
I really do believe that the mind feeds the heart if your mind can't wrap itself around an idea the heart wont follow. If it just seems logical but your heart isn't following... that too is a clear indicator that it just isn't right. It is best to make these decisions early like you did. God bless you for being brave and acknowledging the truth about your situation. The bottom line is that God gave us both a mind and a heart and both need to be singing from the same sheet of music.
02/19/2013 new

(Quote) Jane-933948 said: You don't choose love...love chooses you.......
(Quote) Jane-933948 said:

You don't choose love...love chooses you.......

--hide--


For all you ladies, and men (if you like the ladies, you should read it), Austen's commentary on marriage and the reasons for:

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet: He married her because he needed an heir for the property he was to inherit, and she was young and beautiful but lacked intellect. She married him as he was of good standing in society and was to own a small estate. They married for necessity/societal standards.


Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins: Charlotte was 27, and and old maid, but of good standing. Mr. Collins had a position as a highly paid cleric due to good connections and would inherit Bennet's estate someday. She had no other offers and was considered gracious but plain. Collins, as a Vicar, needed a wife socially. They married for convenience.


Lydia Bennet and Mr. Wickham. Lydia thought him of good standing due to his smart soldier's uniform and his allusions to connections with the Darcys. He was interested in her foolishness in willingness to be compromised, and to use her status (living with him openly, virginity compromised) to gain money from her wealthy uncle to pay off his gambling debts and obtain a better military assignment. He married for lust and financial gain, she married for lust and due to societal pressure (living with him openly). They were discretely relocated to make their situation unknown to his new company.


Jane Bennet and Mr. Bingley: They were mutally attracted to each other, and considered graceful, appealing, and either was considered a good match by most of their society. Jane is reasonably sensible and possessed of the social graces in addition to being beautiful. Their quiet temperaments and social refinement drew them to each other, and they fell in love. They married for love, mutual admiration, and physical attraction.


Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy (D'Arcy). Mr. Darcy is attracted to Elizabeth's eyes, but only after her intellect and character are discovered. He is mesmirized after learning not only is she a great reader, but also accomplished in the arts and socially (she plays and sings, and turns a fine figure walking about with Miss Bingley). He is impressed with her communications and intellect, her athleticism (walking four miles in mud) and her determination and spirit. Although she is displeased with his demeanor at first, she is attracted to Darcy's love of reading and his gentility, and his great caring for other people, as well as his sportsmanship and his remarks upon their society. They marry for love, and because they are similar in intellect, values, and character. They are attracted for HEAD reasons, not the heart, at first.

It is fictional, but Austen well explores various reasons for marriage and relationships in the early 1800's. Many of these character types, and reasons for marriage, remain true, today.



02/19/2013 new

(Quote) Lynn-189934 said: For all you ladies, and men (if you like the ladies, you should read it), Austen'...
(Quote) Lynn-189934 said:


For all you ladies, and men (if you like the ladies, you should read it), Austen's commentary on marriage and the reasons for:

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet: He married her because he needed an heir for the property he was to inherit, and she was young and beautiful but lacked intellect. She married him as he was of good standing in society and was to own a small estate. They married for necessity/societal standards.


Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins: Charlotte was 27, and and old maid, but of good standing. Mr. Collins had a position as a highly paid cleric due to good connections and would inherit Bennet's estate someday. She had no other offers and was considered gracious but plain. Collins, as a Vicar, needed a wife socially. They married for convenience.


Lydia Bennet and Mr. Wickham. Lydia thought him of good standing due to his smart soldier's uniform and his allusions to connections with the Darcys. He was interested in her foolishness in willingness to be compromised, and to use her status (living with him openly, virginity compromised) to gain money from her wealthy uncle to pay off his gambling debts and obtain a better military assignment. He married for lust and financial gain, she married for lust and due to societal pressure (living with him openly). They were discretely relocated to make their situation unknown to his new company.


Jane Bennet and Mr. Bingley: They were mutally attracted to each other, and considered graceful, appealing, and either was considered a good match by most of their society. Jane is reasonably sensible and possessed of the social graces in addition to being beautiful. Their quiet temperaments and social refinement drew them to each other, and they fell in love. They married for love, mutual admiration, and physical attraction.


Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy (D'Arcy). Mr. Darcy is attracted to Elizabeth's eyes, but only after her intellect and character are discovered. He is mesmirized after learning not only is she a great reader, but also accomplished in the arts and socially (she plays and sings, and turns a fine figure walking about with Miss Bingley). He is impressed with her communications and intellect, her athleticism (walking four miles in mud) and her determination and spirit. Although she is displeased with his demeanor at first, she is attracted to Darcy's love of reading and his gentility, and his great caring for other people, as well as his sportsmanship and his remarks upon their society. They marry for love, and because they are similar in intellect, values, and character. They are attracted for HEAD reasons, not the heart, at first.

It is fictional, but Austen well explores various reasons for marriage and relationships in the early 1800's. Many of these character types, and reasons for marriage, remain true, today.



--hide--


Another Pride and Prejudice fan! Who knew there were so many? Is this a requirement for male CM membership? biggrin

02/21/2013 new

These forums are fascinating. Other forums I have started I have felt that I have been somewhat unfairly attacked.. but in this forum... I feel that people have been way too easy on me. I am NO role model. End it early if you dont feel it is right. Dont get stuck in a relationship and let yourself get pressured in or fooled into an engagement. An engagement is a HUGE deal. No, it is not nearly as huge as marriage, but dont get engaged unless you know this is someone you want to marry.


I simply did what I had to do in calling off the engagement. I am no hero nor a pariah. Just someone who made a big mistake and avoided making a much bigger one.


I appreciate everyone's input. I think a combination of the head and heart is the key to the best relationships.

02/21/2013 new

(Quote) Lynn-189934 said: For all you ladies, and men (if you like the ladies, you should read it), Austen'...
(Quote) Lynn-189934 said:


For all you ladies, and men (if you like the ladies, you should read it), Austen's commentary on marriage and the reasons for:

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet: He married her because he needed an heir for the property he was to inherit, and she was young and beautiful but lacked intellect. She married him as he was of good standing in society and was to own a small estate. They married for necessity/societal standards.


Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins: Charlotte was 27, and and old maid, but of good standing. Mr. Collins had a position as a highly paid cleric due to good connections and would inherit Bennet's estate someday. She had no other offers and was considered gracious but plain. Collins, as a Vicar, needed a wife socially. They married for convenience.


Lydia Bennet and Mr. Wickham. Lydia thought him of good standing due to his smart soldier's uniform and his allusions to connections with the Darcys. He was interested in her foolishness in willingness to be compromised, and to use her status (living with him openly, virginity compromised) to gain money from her wealthy uncle to pay off his gambling debts and obtain a better military assignment. He married for lust and financial gain, she married for lust and due to societal pressure (living with him openly). They were discretely relocated to make their situation unknown to his new company.


Jane Bennet and Mr. Bingley: They were mutally attracted to each other, and considered graceful, appealing, and either was considered a good match by most of their society. Jane is reasonably sensible and possessed of the social graces in addition to being beautiful. Their quiet temperaments and social refinement drew them to each other, and they fell in love. They married for love, mutual admiration, and physical attraction.


Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy (D'Arcy). Mr. Darcy is attracted to Elizabeth's eyes, but only after her intellect and character are discovered. He is mesmirized after learning not only is she a great reader, but also accomplished in the arts and socially (she plays and sings, and turns a fine figure walking about with Miss Bingley). He is impressed with her communications and intellect, her athleticism (walking four miles in mud) and her determination and spirit. Although she is displeased with his demeanor at first, she is attracted to Darcy's love of reading and his gentility, and his great caring for other people, as well as his sportsmanship and his remarks upon their society. They marry for love, and because they are similar in intellect, values, and character. They are attracted for HEAD reasons, not the heart, at first.

It is fictional, but Austen well explores various reasons for marriage and relationships in the early 1800's. Many of these character types, and reasons for marriage, remain true, today.



--hide--
Hello Lynn, as I am very happy you are an Austin fan!!!...And yes you are right. People marry for different reasons. But I believe ..love... true love...does find you...because those "other reasons" are just that... reasons..not true love...and love is a gift, a gift from God. thanks for the post. It is so romantic is it not?! (english accent) faint wave Ice Skating shamrock

02/21/2013 new

ooops should've been Austen..... embarassed

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