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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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Feb 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents an...
(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents and my two nieces (15 and 12). As my parents are still in reasonably good health for their mid seveties, the stress of teens is getting to them. My sister has been in and out of psyciatric care out of state for most of the time since giving up the girls to my parents. She often says that she wishes to care for them, but I doubt she will be stable enough any time soon. Their father is no longer in the picture. At some point, I suspect that I may need to step in. My last girlfriend was dead set against taking them too quickly. I am trying to figure how to approach this with any other lady, since these girls are family, yet not my children. At this point, I do try to stay somewhat active in their lives, just so they know me, if I need to step up and take control, in a hurry. how soon would be hard to say, and harder to explain to any future lady in my life. how should I approach this.
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By all means, bring them into your home. You will be blessed abundantly. I agree with all that is posted here on your behalf. God bless you. theheart

Feb 19th 2013 new
Thanks all. I got a lot of good information to think about.
Feb 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: Thanks all. I got a lot of good information to think about.
(Quote) Chris-280015 said: Thanks all. I got a lot of good information to think about.
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Good luck. We'll be praying for you and your nieces.

Feb 20th 2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents an...
(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents and my two nieces (15 and 12). As my parents are still in reasonably good health for their mid seveties, the stress of teens is getting to them. My sister has been in and out of psyciatric care out of state for most of the time since giving up the girls to my parents. She often says that she wishes to care for them, but I doubt she will be stable enough any time soon. Their father is no longer in the picture. At some point, I suspect that I may need to step in. My last girlfriend was dead set against taking them too quickly. I am trying to figure how to approach this with any other lady, since these girls are family, yet not my children. At this point, I do try to stay somewhat active in their lives, just so they know me, if I need to step up and take control, in a hurry. how soon would be hard to say, and harder to explain to any future lady in my life. how should I approach this.
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Prayers for you Uncle Chris ... You have some great advice from the others. My 2 cents would be to do what is good for your nieces NOW... For the time is short when they will be 18 and grown... You still have time to mentor them and help your parents.... You may have to make sacrafices and deny yourself going out on dates withwomen but your reward will be great by caring for those that need you.

I have to remind myself of that when caring for my mother.. yes she wants to see me married but I am not free to just pick up and move somewhere without having her cared for.. So for me my mother is a priority... Marriage and dating may be sacrificed but I have to do what God puts in front of me..

Pray for me as I will for you ... God bless us in our daily actions... For what you do to the least of my bretheren you do for me ~ Jesus


Maybe you can take your sister in with you ?? Have you thought of that ?


Peace and prayers..
Kathleen Praying rosary theheart

Feb 22nd 2013 new
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said: Prayers for you Uncle Chris ... You have some great advice from the others. My 2 cents would b...
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said:




Prayers for you Uncle Chris ... You have some great advice from the others. My 2 cents would be to do what is good for your nieces NOW... For the time is short when they will be 18 and grown... You still have time to mentor them and help your parents.... You may have to make sacrafices and deny yourself going out on dates withwomen but your reward will be great by caring for those that need you.

I have to remind myself of that when caring for my mother.. yes she wants to see me married but I am not free to just pick up and move somewhere without having her cared for.. So for me my mother is a priority... Marriage and dating may be sacrificed but I have to do what God puts in front of me..

Pray for me as I will for you ... God bless us in our daily actions... For what you do to the least of my bretheren you do for me ~ Jesus


Maybe you can take your sister in with you ?? Have you thought of that ?


Peace and prayers..
Kathleen

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unfortuneatally, my sister not only lives on the other coast, she may not be emotionaly stable enough to live without almost constant supervision. I am doing what I can to give enough support for the group nearby.
Feb 22nd 2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: unfortunately, my sister not only lives on the other coast, she may not be emotionaly stable eno...
(Quote) Chris-280015 said:

unfortunately, my sister not only lives on the other coast, she may not be emotionaly stable enough to live without almost constant supervision. I am doing what I can to give enough support for the group nearby.
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Chris, I support you for doing whatever is possible. If you need to take custody of the nieces, I don't think you will regret this life-changing event long term. (You will probably regret it after hearing "I hate you" when someone is in a PMS cycle. I mean, that's a teen-age girl.) Long term, what you will have done is literally invest in your family's DNA by offering love and stability to your nieces, which brings out the best -- literally -- in people. That is a primary way of investing in the future, and if a potential wife can't see you're a family man, then that is HER loss. If you don't have children of your own, your nieces may end up feeling almost like/or like your own children, and their children could feel like your grandkids. You will truly be paying things forward. Bless you and yours. Praying

Feb 23rd 2013 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Love is ALWAYS AND ONLY about addition and multiplication - it'...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

Love is ALWAYS AND ONLY about addition and multiplication - it's NEVER about subtraction, division, or fractions.

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so true, so true.... thanks for the reminder!

Feb 26th 2013 new

Your parents are old but they are doing God's work. God will help them. You can do God's work by helping your parents with your nieces. Set a goal to do things that reduce the stress on your parents. Do it now. Don't worry about where your nieces live. You may find out you cannot. Teenage girls are teenage girls, they are somewhat unpredictable. As far as future women, that is not in your control, leave it up to God. Sounds like your last girlfriend was giving you good advice. Your nieces have been with your parents for a long time. Removing them may definitely not be in their best interest. Children do better when they have stability. Also, whatever caused your sister to have issues issues may affect her children.

As a grandparent myself, I would not want my grandkids to come and live with me if my kid and spouse died. At 58 I am too old. I've talked it over with my kids and they have an understanding that the grandkids will be raised by one of my other kids if required. I understand your concern. If my wife was still around she might feel differently but we did have a will that left our kids to her brother if the situation arose. Not her mom and dad.

If I were you, I wouldn't even bring it up to a woman. It may never happen. If you do things with the future girlfriend and your nieces you'll figure out if the girlfriend will be an asset or a pain in the asset. When I dated my wife I took her to visit an old lady friend of mine. Boring as all whatever to most 23 year old women. Not that girlfriend. That is how you tell. Do what you want and see if the lady friend of the month likes it. If not, well there is always next month.

Feb 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said: Your parents are old but they are doing God's work. God will help them. You can do God'...
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:

Your parents are old but they are doing God's work. God will help them. You can do God's work by helping your parents with your nieces. Set a goal to do things that reduce the stress on your parents. Do it now. Don't worry about where your nieces live. You may find out you cannot. Teenage girls are teenage girls, they are somewhat unpredictable. As far as future women, that is not in your control, leave it up to God. Sounds like your last girlfriend was giving you good advice. Your nieces have been with your parents for a long time. Removing them may definitely not be in their best interest. Children do better when they have stability. Also, whatever caused your sister to have issues issues may affect her children.

As a grandparent myself, I would not want my grandkids to come and live with me if my kid and spouse died. At 58 I am too old. I've talked it over with my kids and they have an understanding that the grandkids will be raised by one of my other kids if required. I understand your concern. If my wife was still around she might feel differently but we did have a will that left our kids to her brother if the situation arose. Not her mom and dad.

If I were you, I wouldn't even bring it up to a woman. It may never happen. If you do things with the future girlfriend and your nieces you'll figure out if the girlfriend will be an asset or a pain in the asset. When I dated my wife I took her to visit an old lady friend of mine. Boring as all whatever to most 23 year old women. Not that girlfriend. That is how you tell. Do what you want and see if the lady friend of the month likes it. If not, well there is always next month.

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One prayer at a time and one step at a time. God is in control and knows what is best for everyone. Girlfriend or no girlfriend it shouldn't matter. The young girls lives are the most important thing right now. They need guidance and help. Prayers that they will be continued to be cared for.

Lord we thank you for the gift of family and friends to help carry the load.

Praying for this situation.

Kathleen rose Praying rosary theheart

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents an...
(Quote) Chris-280015 said: My nieces have been in the care of my parent the last seven years. I am concerned for both my parents and my two nieces (15 and 12). As my parents are still in reasonably good health for their mid seveties, the stress of teens is getting to them. My sister has been in and out of psyciatric care out of state for most of the time since giving up the girls to my parents. She often says that she wishes to care for them, but I doubt she will be stable enough any time soon. Their father is no longer in the picture. At some point, I suspect that I may need to step in. My last girlfriend was dead set against taking them too quickly. I am trying to figure how to approach this with any other lady, since these girls are family, yet not my children. At this point, I do try to stay somewhat active in their lives, just so they know me, if I need to step up and take control, in a hurry. how soon would be hard to say, and harder to explain to any future lady in my life. how should I approach this.
--hide--


If possible, move next door so that you can reinforce and help your parents and their rules rather than replace them.

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