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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Was I being led on?

02/20/2013 new

Hi to everyone...I do not know if I am overreacting so I thought I would pose this question to all of you. I was writing back and forth to a man for about one month/six weeks on an every other day timeline. The conversations were light hearted but full of details that I took to mean that this man wanted to get to know me better. Last week I asked if he were ready to perhaps have a phone discussion. He wrote back what was becoming his regular four paragraph email commenting on questions I had asked or things he wanted to know about my day, ect.... In the second paragraph he tells me that ong distance relationships do not work for him and why. He goes on to say he likes receiving my emails and knowing how I am or what I am up to. He hopes he did not say the wrong thing and thinks he did not(which I could only interpret to mean that he hopes I do not feel led on and that I should not)....now you must know that this man lives 20 MINUTES from me. How could I not feel led on? Twenty minutes is not long distance, is it? And this is a dating site so what is a person supposed to think when someone continues to correspond back and forth?

I have been on these sites a long time with varied success and now I feel very discouraged. Aren't we all here to meet a potential mate? And if not, shouldn't we be upfront and say we are looking for friends only? Honest feedback would be great. I am getting frustrated by all this.


Gratefully,


Maria

02/20/2013 new

I MEANT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS--THANKS

02/20/2013 new

Hey do not be discourage there many more brave and honest catholic man out there. You just need to be patience and prays to God if this is your Vocation to seek marriages? What make you both happiness and holiness that is God will for you and your vocation is to severs other sharing that happiness and holiness to brings other to heaven with you. I will be your friend. But remember that God relationships is forever lasting and True because he have created you. God knew your name, every thought you would ever think, he knew how many hairs were on your head, he knew your sins, he knew your good deeds, and he even saw the moment of your death and your entrance into heaven or the world. And God had a plan for you so look to God for answers. Hey you do not needs to me marriage, maybe God might called you to the religious life, or Generous Single Life in Christ, by follow God and severs his people needs. I am discerning God will right now and open to his calling to any states Religious life, priesthood, marriage, or single life that ok most importants is that I am happy to follow God and be holy and severs others people brings them closer to God and heaven.

02/20/2013 new

Hi Maria,


I so understand what you are feeling right now! Like you, I have been seeking a special man with whom I could share the rest of my life. To be charitable, perhaps your guy did not believe he was leading you on but come on! You live only 20 minutes away? I think your gut instinct should be listened to here. On the other hand, perhaps he was just scared (probably wrong word choice - but whatever). I have been on here for a while now and have marveled at how many guys will strike up a conversation and go no further. One gentleman corresponded with me for eight months and then made an exit. I am not the sort of gal to push things with a guy (so I guess, even at my age, I am old fashioned in that regard). Maybe he was just "not ready". So, as I have heard some of the CM guys say (when confronted with a reluctant gal): "Next!" But I truly know how you feel. I honestly believe I am made for the vocation of marriage but get frustrated at what seems to not be happening. As a wise woman told me: "You must be patient." My reply to that is: "Lord, give me patience, but I want it RIGHT NOW!" Lol. Hope this helps. We are all in the same boat! wave


Lois

02/20/2013 new

No you were not being led on.. There is no relationship because you have not met..He may not have been interested in a romantic relationship, but did enjoy your emails and didn't know how to express a lack of interest in romance.. It's very hard to contain excitement when somebody actually writes us back.. I've probably began conversations with a few hundred men over the last 8 years that only lasted a few days of a month until they stopped writing. And, I've had the same thing happen with the distance issue with a guy 30 min away telling me I was too far.. Just gotta keep plugging away..

02/20/2013 new

Maria, sorry to hear this.

I would write back and say that 20 minutes is not long distance, and that you thought he was interested in a relationship and you are sorry to hear he is not, and wish him well. Maybe he won't try this nonsense with anyone else.

hug

02/20/2013 new
(Quote) Maria-155872 said: Hi to everyone...I do not know if I am overreacting so I thought I would pose this question to all of you. I w...
(Quote) Maria-155872 said:

Hi to everyone...I do not know if I am overreacting so I thought I would pose this question to all of you. I was writing back and forth to a man for about one month/six weeks on an every other day timeline. The conversations were light hearted but full of details that I took to mean that this man wanted to get to know me better. Last week I asked if he were ready to perhaps have a phone discussion. He wrote back what was becoming his regular four paragraph email commenting on questions I had asked or things he wanted to know about my day, ect.... In the second paragraph he tells me that ong distance relationships do not work for him and why. He goes on to say he likes receiving my emails and knowing how I am or what I am up to. He hopes he did not say the wrong thing and thinks he did not(which I could only interpret to mean that he hopes I do not feel led on and that I should not)....now you must know that this man lives 20 MINUTES from me. How could I not feel led on? Twenty minutes is not long distance, is it? And this is a dating site so what is a person supposed to think when someone continues to correspond back and forth?



I have been on these sites a long time with varied success and now I feel very discouraged. Aren't we all here to meet a potential mate? And if not, shouldn't we be upfront and say we are looking for friends only? Honest feedback would be great. I am getting frustrated by all this.




Gratefully,




Maria

--hide--


It sounds like he just wanted, and wants to be friends, and he should have stated that from the beginning.
02/20/2013 new

Maria,

Good for you for taking the bull by the horns and asking to take the next step! thumbsup Imagine if you didn't and you kept emailing with a noncommittal man!!! crazy

Unfortunately, there are many people on dating sites who are not really planning on meeting someone and are just interested in penpals. Then, there are those people who don't get a whole lot of mail, so will correspond with someone with whom they don't really feel a connection, but, with whom they are willing to carry on friendly conversation via email.

I don't believe you were led on or misinformed - you never actually asked him before what his intentions were. I think THAT is the number one question to ask each person with whom you have begun correspondence. If you are looking for a relationship, be clear about that from the beginning, even putting it in your profile (assuming it's not already there!).

Everyone here has joined this website for different reasons - never assume anything just because someone is emailing with you. Always ASK.

02/20/2013 new

Ah, I see you DO have it in your profile what YOUR intentions on this site are. Still, we can never be sure of someone else's unless we ASK. Did this gentleman's profile indicate anything?

02/20/2013 new

i would distance myself from him because i think it is "his lack of anything else going on". i think it would be wonderful to get a 2-4 paragraphs letter a day from an intended suitor, however...and....he should have jumped when he realized you both are only 20 minutes from each other. there is a saying," abscence makes the heart grows fonder" Praying hug

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