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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 24th 2013 new

I think there is a differece between confidence vs independence. A confident woman does not intimidate me a matter of fact I prefer it. I like a woman that has the confidence in her convictions, thoughts and view points. An independent woman does not intimidate me but rather depending on how she lives her life may push me away telling me that she does not need or want me in her life.

Feb 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said: Hello Sarah, If you are a strong, independent woman. some men will absolutely be intimi...
(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said:

Hello Sarah,

If you are a strong, independent woman. some men will absolutely be intimidated by you. But I think that would mean that they feel the need to be needed. My last serious boyfriend told me that. He said to me, "You are so independent. It is like you don't need me in your life to do anything for you". I tried to explain to him that I "wanted " him in my life, but I was used to being on my own and getting things done myself, after all I am in my 50s and have never been married. I also explained that it was nice to have him in my life now and he could give me advice and help me when I needed him. The relationship did not work out, but not because of me intimidating him.

But there will be other women intimidated by you also if you are independent and successful. That would be jealousy and envy. I would hope that you strive to be a strong, successful, independent Catholic woman. I also think that we all can be role models when we are independent and strong, which attracts people. But please know there is a difference between independent and stubborn. Sometimes being strong is knowing when to ask for help.

I believe that God wants each and everyone of us to be the best version of ourselves.


And excuse me, but I have got to go pull up the floor boards in my attic so I can lay some more insulation. See my pics of phase I of Insulation Saturday. No, I am not kidding!

--hide--


Carolyn,

I applaud your efforts. clap Do you also install drywall? laughing laughing It was always my belief that women are as smart in tackling home projects as men. In some cases though, the physical aspects of the job may be too much to expect but certainly not the the intellect part. Good for you.

Blessings, Praying hug rose

Leon

Feb 24th 2013 new

I learned early in the game to let men learn to cherish me and our time together and it worked twice for me./ Life is precious and to be shared. enjoy yourself as you are and he will find you!

Feb 24th 2013 new

Thank you Leon. wave (Taking a break for a late lunch) I would love to learn how to do drywall.

I don't think it could be that hard. scratchchin scratchchin scratchchin scratchchin

I will say since I have no background in a lot of home improvement areas, I do spend a lot of time researching and asking questions. rolling eyes rolling eyes rolling eyes I would love to have a good website to refer to for these things. I am youtube's newest fan. My brothers are not always available to answer questions on the phone and a visit to Lowes and Home Depot means I need to stop what I am doing so that I may ask them in person.


So if you know of any good websites, send them my way. Thanks

Feb 24th 2013 new

Yes - intelligent and physically good looking women intimidate me... laughing! Also, if they're very conservative Catholic too! I shy away and usually just become friends with them. In my mind they deserve a better man than me. I would be lucky if they choose me to be their boyfriend and to me - she would be a blessing from God theheart.

Feb 24th 2013 new

dah sarah anyone man or woman who has the capacity to wreck your life in one way or another is intimidating

Feb 24th 2013 new

(Quote) Leon-593843 said: Carolyn,I applaud your efforts. Do you also install drywall? It was always my beli...
(Quote) Leon-593843 said:



Carolyn,

I applaud your efforts. Do you also install drywall? It was always my belief that women are as smart in tackling home projects as men. In some cases though, the physical aspects of the job may be too much to expect but certainly not the the intellect part. Good for you.

Blessings,

Leon

--hide--


Leon, I "fix and flipped" a house last summer, during my "summer vacation". Home Depot and Lowe's know me by my first name! During the winter months, when I am teaching, I am just itching to buy another house to "fix and flip". Last week I made an offer on one, unfortunately an investor got it. I am currently putting the finishing touches on my home to sell this spring and move into one of my investment properties temporarily. I have been here 13 years; raised my kids (and lots of pets) on this property. I will miss it but it is too big for me and I am tired of cleaning the pool. Tackle home projects, no problem; if men find me intimidating, that is their problem.

Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said: Thank you Leon. (Taking a break for a late lunch) I would love to learn how to do drywall. ...
(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said:

Thank you Leon. (Taking a break for a late lunch) I would love to learn how to do drywall.

I don't think it could be that hard.

I will say since I have no background in a lot of home improvement areas, I do spend a lot of time researching and asking questions. I would love to have a good website to refer to for these things. I am youtube's newest fan. My brothers are not always available to answer questions on the phone and a visit to Lowes and Home Depot means I need to stop what I am doing so that I may ask them in person.


So if you know of any good websites, send them my way. Thanks

--hide--


Carolyn,

Drywall is really not that hard but the weight of those 4 X 8 sheets requires you have assistance. Then, of course you have the tape and floating. Many of those physically demanding tasks I have left behind due to my lower back surgery in 2006.

Sounds as if you have used some really good resources. I had a good one but at the moment I can't think of the website. If it returns to my shallow memory, I will share the information.

Since I last posted, I see where Joan of Arizona is also an avid "fixer upper". I again applaud clap both of you for your efforts. If you make a mistake, so what? Look for a solution and correct the mistake. This will hold true in most repair/construction projects except for electricity. Make sure you absolutely know what you doing or you may not have a chance to correct that mistake.

For you, Joan and all other women to even try these projects, I applaud you all. clap

Needless to say, I am not intimidated by anything by anyone.

If you have more formal education than me, I applaud you.

If your IQ is higher than mine (which most of you are), I applaud you.

If you are a better cook than me, I applaud you.

If you can make me a better person, I double applaud you.

Most women bring a special something to the table. Some have one special skill, others have several. Thank God for whatever skills He has given each of us.

Love you all, Praying hug rose

Leon


Feb 26th 2013 new

Hello all,

If you're like me, you find it hard to have a fruitful conversation when the terms aren't well defined. What do people mean when they say "strong personality"? "Independent"? "Strong"? "Confident"? It is not clear to me what these mean.

I do observe, also, that all of us (including me) --- everyone --- is at least a little influenced by the culture and time they are in. Every culture and time presents to us a different image of what ideal women or men are like. Naturally this has affected each of us, at least a little. Will you follow me that far?

In a thousand ways, the image of a "strong, independent, confident" woman is what is presented to us through television, etc. as being an ideal. I am not saying whether this is good or bad, but will you agree with me that that is what is presented to us in the time and place we live in? (Even though that image is not well defined).

My heart goes out to all the women and children, down through the ages, who have suffered from men who were, as we say, "emotionally unavailable." Perhaps he was at work far more than he truly needed to be. Perhaps, when he was not at work, he spent too much time away from the family. Perhaps, even when he was with their family, he was not present to them, was distracted, was engrossed in hobbies or in television, reading the sports page, thinking about work, talking about work, etc. --- in a hundred different ways he was not present to the hearts of his wife or children. Perhaps, when he spoke to them, it was to transact some piece of information, or take care of some point of business, without taking the time to have a carefree moment of genuine intimacy. Yes, my heart goes out to those women and children, and also it goes out to those men, because they cannot have been happy isolated in this way from the warmth of life, having been caught up in the gears of a great machine, and having become mechanistic themselves. They were restless in their hearts. They were uncomfortable "going there" to the heart of things, having a heart-to-heart, living from the heart.

(By the way, even though my heart goes out to this man, I do not say he is free from responsibility or guilt (I am not his judge), for at every step of the way he had free will, he had a choice of what to focus on. At every step of the way, he could have taken a deep breath, stepped aside for a moment, and prayed with the God who was waiting for him. He could have chosen to live in the core of life, the heart of things, to focus on the Big Things (first of all, True Love), rather than escaping into all the small things. A cluttered life, in which there is no longer any space to breathe and to just be.)

How much damage has been done to human hearts, for just this reason?

That is the dark side of things. Let us now look toward the Light.

There is a wonderful Christmas song, "Joy to the World." What does this song plead with us to do, so that the world might have Joy?

"May every heart,

Prepare Him room"

Each and every heart must prepare Him room. If we were wise, this is what we would busy ourselves in doing --- preparing Him room. For it often happens that God is trying to enter someone's heart (or enter it more fully), but there is no more room for Him there. (Much like Joseph and Mary not being able to find a room at an inn).

It seems to me that this applies to human relationships also, and I believe this is the heart of the issue of this conversation.

Perhaps we have all noticed that when it comes to the vibrancy and stability and richness of relationships and family life, it seems like our best days are behind us. What do you think? Was it easier to build a life of True Love in 1850 (before television, radio, computer, etc.) or today? What did people do with their time in 1850? They had fewer options. It seems it was quieter, slower, more simple. I propose to you that people, in general, had more room in their lives for God, and for True Love, at that time.

It can happen, today, that a man has too much clutter, too many activities, too many pulls on his heart, that he has no room for a woman in his heart. Now, he still wants a woman in his life. So, what shall he do? He will seek a woman, but in such a way that he can protect all of the things he has already entangled himself in. For example, he would love to meet a woman, so long as it doesn't mess up his golf schedule. Maybe he will even find such a woman, and maybe they will even have a cute wedding ceremony. But, tell me, has he really given his heart to her in the way he should? He did not prepare her room in his heart. She is only one piece amongst all the clutter. In the end, he wasn't willing to let go of anything when "acquiring" a woman. This is a common sickness, and again, my heart goes out to the man who is unwilling to clear out his heart/life to make room for True Love. (And again, I myself can be guilty of all this). I would also add that this man does not appreciate the true value of Woman, for if he did, he would be willing to let go of some things to make room for True Love. (Notice also, that this man "has" a woman, and can even go through ceremonies, but without the vibrancy and warmth and richness of True Love. He is still missing-out).

In this example, I used a man, but more and more it can also be true of women. Isn't this true? Perhaps we could re-read the last paragraph, inserting "woman" where there is "man." Could it be that a certain woman has too many pulls on her heart? Could it be that she has not cleared out any space in her heart, not prepared room where a loving man may sit and dine with her? Could it be that a man becomes just one more piece of furniture amongst all the clutter?

Some of the men posting on this conversation say they have felt like they were "extraneous", they could never really become a part of her heart, they could never really get in close because there were so many other pulls on her heart, which she allowed to pull her away. He felt that he was always on the "outside."

I am sure that some men, when they say they are "intimidated," sometimes mean that "she seems to have no room left for a Man." Naturally, sometimes "intimidation" means "She is so beautiful that I am speechless, tongue-tied, cannot put words together in my mind." Sometimes it means "I don't think I'll have a chance, so why put myself through that pain needlessly." Sometimes it means "She is so smart, talented, ____ [fill in the blank], that she would never be interested in me." Yes, this happens. And so insecurities sometimes hold back men, just as they sometimes hold back women. But sometimes when we say "intimidated," (for it is a mysterious phenomenon), we may also mean "repulsed," which simply means "pushed away." There is a mysterious feeling of being "pushed away" or "pushed out" --- to repeat, sometimes when men say they were "intimidated", it means that "she seems to have no room left for [an adventure of True Love with] a Man."

And what these men are saying -- well, women have had the same complaints for years. It is a disease that, nowadays, both of us often have.

A relationship of True Love is not something that can be "managed" or "fit in" --- it is an adventure which takes on a life of its own. Could it be that we are all too busy to take up that adventure? Could it be that when that adventure comes to our door, we are not ready to let go (of whatever we must) and jump fully into it? Could it be that we have come to prefer our busy-ness to the simple and warm glow of True Love? Why do we (men and women) prefer our busy-ness? I don't know. Maybe it makes us feel important/significant. Maybe it has become such a part of our identity, it is hard to imagine morphing that identity to the heights of True Lover. Maybe it's because the adventure of True Love, with all of its wonder, requires us to be so deeply in touch with our own hearts, and perhaps that is something we lost touch with long ago, in the midst of so much "doing." Perhaps, if we are honest, we have given up on True Love, and have instead turned our attention to seeking a life that looks good on a resume.

When the adventure comes to our door, it comes to "shake things up." But is everything in our "house" so precious that we do not want it shaken up by this adventure?

Perhaps there is nothing we need more than to be "shaken up" in this way, first by God, and then by others.

When a person is "single" and "looking for someone," we often say that they are "available." And this, I think, leads to a mysterious question -- Are our hearts really "available"? Have we made ourselves sufficiently "available"? Or do we find ourselves, emotionally, or in other ways, not really available? I don't know. Are we open to being carried away and to have things shaken up?

Whether someone has a job or not, this has nothing to do with it. What kind of job they have, has nothing to do with it. What kind of education they've had, has nothing to do with it.

Is True Love the top pursuit of their hearts? Do they show this top priority by the choices they are making? Why do they do what they do? Prestige? To feel significant? To seek approval? To feel "big"? To have some small bit of power? Or do they do what they do in order to serve, in order to Love others by their service? Is Love the source and reason for all that they do? Is Love really more important than all of these other things?

If so, then they will have a profound openness to the whole world, to all people. From this man or woman there will be softness, warmth, and tenderness, a calmness, an ability to sit still and not be "all over the place", an ability to be centered and to live in the core of life, the deep things, the heart of life. To be loved and to love. Wasn't this the "personality" of Jesus Christ? Wasn't this the "personality" of the Son of God Himself? This is true "strength." This shows that greatest "confidence" which is a confidence in God. This is a blissful existence and it patiently waits for us to discover it and be "shaken up" by it.

Feb 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrew-73725 said: Hello all, If you're like me, you find it hard to have a fruitful conversation when th...
(Quote) Andrew-73725 said:

Hello all,

If you're like me, you find it hard to have a fruitful conversation when the terms aren't well defined. What do people mean when they say "strong personality"? "Independent"? "Strong"? "Confident"? It is not clear to me what these mean.

I do observe, also, that all of us (including me) --- everyone --- is at least a little influenced by the culture and time they are in. Every culture and time presents to us a different image of what ideal women or men are like. Naturally this has affected each of us, at least a little. Will you follow me that far?

In a thousand ways, the image of a "strong, independent, confident" woman is what is presented to us through television, etc. as being an ideal. I am not saying whether this is good or bad, but will you agree with me that that is what is presented to us in the time and place we live in? (Even though that image is not well defined).

My heart goes out to all the women and children, down through the ages, who have suffered from men who were, as we say, "emotionally unavailable." Perhaps he was at work far more than he truly needed to be. Perhaps, when he was not at work, he spent too much time away from the family. Perhaps, even when he was with their family, he was not present to them, was distracted, was engrossed in hobbies or in television, reading the sports page, thinking about work, talking about work, etc. --- in a hundred different ways he was not present to the hearts of his wife or children. Perhaps, when he spoke to them, it was to transact some piece of information, or take care of some point of business, without taking the time to have a carefree moment of genuine intimacy. Yes, my heart goes out to those women and children, and also it goes out to those men, because they cannot have been happy isolated in this way from the warmth of life, having been caught up in the gears of a great machine, and having become mechanistic themselves. They were restless in their hearts. They were uncomfortable "going there" to the heart of things, having a heart-to-heart, living from the heart.

(By the way, even though my heart goes out to this man, I do not say he is free from responsibility or guilt (I am not his judge), for at every step of the way he had free will, he had a choice of what to focus on. At every step of the way, he could have taken a deep breath, stepped aside for a moment, and prayed with the God who was waiting for him. He could have chosen to live in the core of life, the heart of things, to focus on the Big Things (first of all, True Love), rather than escaping into all the small things. A cluttered life, in which there is no longer any space to breathe and to just be.)

How much damage has been done to human hearts, for just this reason?

That is the dark side of things. Let us now look toward the Light.

There is a wonderful Christmas song, "Joy to the World." What does this song plead with us to do, so that the world might have Joy?

"May every heart,

Prepare Him room"

Each and every heart must prepare Him room. If we were wise, this is what we would busy ourselves in doing --- preparing Him room. For it often happens that God is trying to enter someone's heart (or enter it more fully), but there is no more room for Him there. (Much like Joseph and Mary not being able to find a room at an inn).

It seems to me that this applies to human relationships also, and I believe this is the heart of the issue of this conversation.

Perhaps we have all noticed that when it comes to the vibrancy and stability and richness of relationships and family life, it seems like our best days are behind us. What do you think? Was it easier to build a life of True Love in 1850 (before television, radio, computer, etc.) or today? What did people do with their time in 1850? They had fewer options. It seems it was quieter, slower, more simple. I propose to you that people, in general, had more room in their lives for God, and for True Love, at that time.

It can happen, today, that a man has too much clutter, too many activities, too many pulls on his heart, that he has no room for a woman in his heart. Now, he still wants a woman in his life. So, what shall he do? He will seek a woman, but in such a way that he can protect all of the things he has already entangled himself in. For example, he would love to meet a woman, so long as it doesn't mess up his golf schedule. Maybe he will even find such a woman, and maybe they will even have a cute wedding ceremony. But, tell me, has he really given his heart to her in the way he should? He did not prepare her room in his heart. She is only one piece amongst all the clutter. In the end, he wasn't willing to let go of anything when "acquiring" a woman. This is a common sickness, and again, my heart goes out to the man who is unwilling to clear out his heart/life to make room for True Love. (And again, I myself can be guilty of all this). I would also add that this man does not appreciate the true value of Woman, for if he did, he would be willing to let go of some things to make room for True Love. (Notice also, that this man "has" a woman, and can even go through ceremonies, but without the vibrancy and warmth and richness of True Love. He is still missing-out).

In this example, I used a man, but more and more it can also be true of women. Isn't this true? Perhaps we could re-read the last paragraph, inserting "woman" where there is "man." Could it be that a certain woman has too many pulls on her heart? Could it be that she has not cleared out any space in her heart, not prepared room where a loving man may sit and dine with her? Could it be that a man becomes just one more piece of furniture amongst all the clutter?

Some of the men posting on this conversation say they have felt like they were "extraneous", they could never really become a part of her heart, they could never really get in close because there were so many other pulls on her heart, which she allowed to pull her away. He felt that he was always on the "outside."

I am sure that some men, when they say they are "intimidated," sometimes mean that "she seems to have no room left for a Man." Naturally, sometimes "intimidation" means "She is so beautiful that I am speechless, tongue-tied, cannot put words together in my mind." Sometimes it means "I don't think I'll have a chance, so why put myself through that pain needlessly." Sometimes it means "She is so smart, talented, ____ [fill in the blank], that she would never be interested in me." Yes, this happens. And so insecurities sometimes hold back men, just as they sometimes hold back women. But sometimes when we say "intimidated," (for it is a mysterious phenomenon), we may also mean "repulsed," which simply means "pushed away." There is a mysterious feeling of being "pushed away" or "pushed out" --- to repeat, sometimes when men say they were "intimidated", it means that "she seems to have no room left for [an adventure of True Love with] a Man."

And what these men are saying -- well, women have had the same complaints for years. It is a disease that, nowadays, both of us often have.

A relationship of True Love is not something that can be "managed" or "fit in" --- it is an adventure which takes on a life of its own. Could it be that we are all too busy to take up that adventure? Could it be that when that adventure comes to our door, we are not ready to let go (of whatever we must) and jump fully into it? Could it be that we have come to prefer our busy-ness to the simple and warm glow of True Love? Why do we (men and women) prefer our busy-ness? I don't know. Maybe it makes us feel important/significant. Maybe it has become such a part of our identity, it is hard to imagine morphing that identity to the heights of True Lover. Maybe it's because the adventure of True Love, with all of its wonder, requires us to be so deeply in touch with our own hearts, and perhaps that is something we lost touch with long ago, in the midst of so much "doing." Perhaps, if we are honest, we have given up on True Love, and have instead turned our attention to seeking a life that looks good on a resume.

When the adventure comes to our door, it comes to "shake things up." But is everything in our "house" so precious that we do not want it shaken up by this adventure?

Perhaps there is nothing we need more than to be "shaken up" in this way, first by God, and then by others.

When a person is "single" and "looking for someone," we often say that they are "available." And this, I think, leads to a mysterious question -- Are our hearts really "available"? Have we made ourselves sufficiently "available"? Or do we find ourselves, emotionally, or in other ways, not really available? I don't know. Are we open to being carried away and to have things shaken up?

Whether someone has a job or not, this has nothing to do with it. What kind of job they have, has nothing to do with it. What kind of education they've had, has nothing to do with it.

Is True Love the top pursuit of their hearts? Do they show this top priority by the choices they are making? Why do they do what they do? Prestige? To feel significant? To seek approval? To feel "big"? To have some small bit of power? Or do they do what they do in order to serve, in order to Love others by their service? Is Love the source and reason for all that they do? Is Love really more important than all of these other things?

If so, then they will have a profound openness to the whole world, to all people. From this man or woman there will be softness, warmth, and tenderness, a calmness, an ability to sit still and not be "all over the place", an ability to be centered and to live in the core of life, the deep things, the heart of life. To be loved and to love. Wasn't this the "personality" of Jesus Christ? Wasn't this the "personality" of the Son of God Himself? This is true "strength." This shows that greatest "confidence" which is a confidence in God. This is a blissful existence and it patiently waits for us to discover it and be "shaken up" by it.

--hide--


WOW, Andrew that was quite the first post...Welcome to the CM forum. I would love to hear more from you.

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