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Saint Anthony is the patron of lost things and missing persons.
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Mar 25th 2013 new

Because unfortunatly there are people that target younger people on the site. In addition, if one person has sent another person several messages which have never been responded to it is assumed that person does not want to respond and therefore any additional messages are generally viewed as spam/abusive. So over time we would have people who sent another person many many messages without a response and thus some users would see a mailbox full of messages not relevant and often times giving them a creepy feeling. We especially have been looking out for younger women in this regard but as a whole have attempted to cut down excessive unsolicited/responded messages.

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Because unfortunatly their are people that target younger people on the site. In addition, if one...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Because unfortunatly their are people that target younger people on the site. In addition, if one person has sent another person several messages which have never been responded to it is assumed that person does not want to respond and therefore any additional messages are generally viewed as spam/abusive. So over time we would have people who sent another person many many messages without a response and thus some users would see a mailbox full of messages not relevant and often times giving them a creepy feeling. We especially have been looking out for younger women in this regard but as a whole have attmepted to cut down excessive unsolicited/responded messages.

--hide--
But this also prevents wanted attention -- examples: birthday recognition, thank you's, comments about posts, holiday greetings and so on. A lot of this would produce too much clutter for the open forums, but is appropriate for emotes or brief messages.

The recipient of too much attention can easily block an offending sender. This allows the people to decide for themselves, rather than leave it up to the non-thinking computer that apparently is effectively blocking messages that would be welcomed.

Watching the forums, it's easy to notice how members of different generations bond, or at least are cordial. Sending a personal emote would help strengthen those bonds. Again, if they are really NOT wanted, the person can block another.

Worth reconsideration?

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: But this also prevents wanted attention -- examples: birthday recognition, thank you's, comment...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

But this also prevents wanted attention -- examples: birthday recognition, thank you's, comments about posts, holiday greetings and so on. A lot of this would produce too much clutter for the open forums, but is appropriate for emotes or brief messages.

The recipient of too much attention can easily block an offending sender. This allows the people to decide for themselves, rather than leave it up to the non-thinking computer that apparently is effectively blocking messages that would be welcomed.

Watching the forums, it's easy to notice how members of different generations bond, or at least are cordial. Sending a personal emote would help strengthen those bonds. Again, if they are really NOT wanted, the person can block another.

Worth reconsideration?

--hide--

Ray you are thinking of it only from your perspective, but we read tickets from member of various ages and personalities so we have to consider everyone and do out best to create policies that work for the broadest group.

Let me give you and example. Women age 25 is new and opens her inbox after not being on the site for a few days. She had 15 various messages of that 4-5 are more than 10 years older than her and 2-3 are 15-20 years older than her. Each of these guys have sent her several messages. For her the overall immage of her Inbox is not good. And over time and can get worse.

But the more important issue is why does someone need to send more than 4 messages without getting a respond. I am sure Nate could pull up the stats but when that happens I can tell you that likely 80-90% of time the person one the recieving end does not want to block they just want to leave. Remember it is in both our member's and our best interest to encourage communication anyway we can. But we also have to protect people from those who abuse the message system.We monitor the number of people that hit different communication "stops" and it is a very small amount given the thousands and thousands of messages sent each day.

Right now we are working on a new CatholicMatch site that will be responsive to all devices (phone, tablet, desktop) however we will again revisit communication and we will look at all the data and if there are ways we can increase communication while protecting people from abuse we will do it. We have much incentive.

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Ray you are thinking of it only from your perspective, but we read tickets from member o...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Ray you are thinking of it only from your perspective, but we read tickets from member of various ages and personalities so we have to consider everyone and do out best to create policies that work for the broadest group.

Let me give you and example. Women age 25 is new and opens her inbox after not being on the site for a few days. She had 15 various messages of that 4-5 are more than 10 years older than her and 2-3 are 15-20 years older than her. Each of these guys have sent her several messages. For her the overall immage of her Inbox is not good. And over time and can get worse.

But the more important issue is why does someone need to send more than 4 messages without getting a respond. I am sure Nate could pull up the stats but when that happens I can tell you that likely 80-90% of time the person one the recieving end does not want to block they just want to leave. Remember it is in both our member's and our best interest to encourage communication anyway we can. But we also have to protect people from those who abuse the message system.We monitor the number of people that hit different communication "stops" and it is a very small amount given the thousands and thousands of messages sent each day.

Right now we are working on a new CatholicMatch site that will be responsive to all devices (phone, tablet, desktop) however we will again revisit communication and we will look at all the data and if there are ways we can increase communication while protecting people from abuse we will do it. We have much incentive.

--hide--

I understand the limit on messages without a response; however, I think Ray was addressing the restriction on sending messages to someone outside of a site-determined age range. In the example you gave, the recipient can archive the messages and block the sender. If you want to give them warm fuzzies, add a status message such as "This user is blocked from sending further messages until you respond" (which is probably a good idea anyway...) Or even decrease the number of messages required for the auto-block outside a certain age range to 2, or even 1.

Mar 25th 2013 new

I can recall art the moment what the age range is but do know that we still ge a small number of those that trigger and of the ones that do they are usually a message that is inquiring romantically not friendly. It is certainly something we can/will look at when review communication in the coming months but generally it has not been a problem there have been few complaints and it did help us prevent most if not all of the creep factor that was taking place for a some members younger members.

Something we can consider (depending on how much complexity it ads) is a on off setting similar to Google safe-search that would allow user to her off the filter.

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: I understand the limit on messages without a response; however, I think Ray was addressin...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

I understand the limit on messages without a response; however, I think Ray was addressing the restriction on sending messages to someone outside of a site-determined age range. In the example you gave, the recipient can archive the messages and block the sender. If you want to give them warm fuzzies, add a status message such as "This user is blocked from sending further messages until you respond" (which is probably a good idea anyway...) Or even decrease the number of messages required for the auto-block outside a certain age range to 2, or even 1.

--hide--

Mar 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: I understand the limit on messages without a response; however, I think Ray was addressin...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

I understand the limit on messages without a response; however, I think Ray was addressing the restriction on sending messages to someone outside of a site-determined age range. In the example you gave, the recipient can archive the messages and block the sender. If you want to give them warm fuzzies, add a status message such as "This user is blocked from sending further messages until you respond" (which is probably a good idea anyway...) Or even decrease the number of messages required for the auto-block outside a certain age range to 2, or even 1.

--hide--
You are correct in your assumption, Jerry. As a specific example, many of us who post frequently and/or regularly in the forums have built up a rapport. It is common to exchange greetings among us. I've found that I've been unable to do so in some instances, apparently because of the age factor. For example, with the present rule as it is, I cannot initiate an Easter greeting to a 20 year old young lady who might be a newer member with whom no personal messages have been exchanged previously. To me that seems unfortunate -- even sad. Some people are exceptionally lonely and a friendly greeting can help brighten their day.

Brian has a point insofar as we don't want to see anyone feel creepy because of other members' shenanigans or pestiness. But...there are effective and existing means to deter this, namely through the blocking feature, or, as you suggested, adding a message such as you wrote above. This puts control in the hands of the message recipient, considering there might be unusual circumstances, such as a person's illness, vacation, work travels, computer being down and out for repair, and so on.

I'm not sure that there's a sure-fire, 100% way to avoid all undesirable contacts. That's not to say we should give up trying, but whatever policy is established should be reasonable for all members.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: But this also prevents wanted attention -- examples: birthday recognition, thank you's, comment...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

But this also prevents wanted attention -- examples: birthday recognition, thank you's, comments about posts, holiday greetings and so on. A lot of this would produce too much clutter for the open forums, but is appropriate for emotes or brief messages.

The recipient of too much attention can easily block an offending sender. This allows the people to decide for themselves, rather than leave it up to the non-thinking computer that apparently is effectively blocking messages that would be welcomed.

Watching the forums, it's easy to notice how members of different generations bond, or at least are cordial. Sending a personal emote would help strengthen those bonds. Again, if they are really NOT wanted, the person can block another.

Worth reconsideration?

--hide--


In all my time here I have never sent private greetings, birthday or holiday etc to anyone outside of my own age range.. I want to attract someone my own age and see the greetings as a part of that attracting process. I can certainly understand how a younger person would see receiving a birthday greeting from an old woman like me would provide an Ewwwww factor for someone 20 years younger. As far as comments on posts. Why not make the supportive comment as a reply right there in the thread? This not about 'bonding' with younger members in the forums.. This is about sending multiple unreplied to messages to someone much younger.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: In all my time here I have never sent private greetings, birthday or holiday etc to a...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


In all my time here I have never sent private greetings, birthday or holiday etc to anyone outside of my own age range.. I want to attract someone my own age and see the greetings as a part of that attracting process. I can certainly understand how a younger person would see receiving a birthday greeting from an old woman like me would provide an Ewwwww factor for someone 20 years younger. As far as comments on posts. Why not make the supportive comment as a reply right there in the thread? This not about 'bonding' with younger members in the forums.. This is about sending multiple unreplied to messages to someone much younger.

--hide--


The only reason I might send a private message is something moderator related due to a posting.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: In all my time here I have never sent private greetings, birthday or holiday etc to a...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


In all my time here I have never sent private greetings, birthday or holiday etc to anyone outside of my own age range.. I want to attract someone my own age and see the greetings as a part of that attracting process. I can certainly understand how a younger person would see receiving a birthday greeting from an old woman like me would provide an Ewwwww factor for someone 20 years younger. As far as comments on posts. Why not make the supportive comment as a reply right there in the thread? This not about 'bonding' with younger members in the forums.. This is about sending multiple unreplied to messages to someone much younger.

--hide--
Yes, Donna -- posting something in the public CM forums has been done when appropriate. However, there are frequent occasions when a number of us want to add something of a personal nature -- something that might not be appreciated in public but welcomed in private. We're not trying to embarrass people that way; hence, the private messages.

The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting. And, no, it's not intended to be a bonding process either -- just a warm gesture that seems to be appreciated by those who can actually receive it. It's sad when people have to be disqualified from this because of an age difference. I receive and welcome messages from people of all ages, and I believe that most members appreciate friendly messages as well.

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