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Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Yes, Donna -- posting something in the public CM forums has been done when appropriate. However, th...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Yes, Donna -- posting something in the public CM forums has been done when appropriate. However, there are frequent occasions when a number of us want to add something of a personal nature -- something that might not be appreciated in public but welcomed in private. We're not trying to embarrass people that way; hence, the private messages.

The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting. And, no, it's not intended to be a bonding process either -- just a warm gesture that seems to be appreciated by those who can actually receive it. It's sad when people have to be disqualified from this because of an age difference. I receive and welcome messages from people of all ages, and I believe that most members appreciate friendly messages as well.

--hide--


Ray.. The recipient doesn't know what your intention is.. I think many people getting a message on a dating site automatically assume that if a message comes there must be romantic interest involved.. Judging by the number of people that rebound with a rejection note for something as simple as a Happy Easter message, a lot of people must think this way.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Ray.. The recipient doesn't know what your intention is.. I thin...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Ray.. The recipient doesn't know what your intention is.. I think many people getting a message on a dating site automatically assume that if a message comes there must be romantic interest involved.. Judging by the number of people that rebound with a rejection note for something as simple as a Happy Easter message, a lot of people must think this way.

--hide--
When emotes or messages arrive, I don't assume anything. I'm sure that most people, especially those of us who are somewhat familiar with each other in the fora, wouldn't assume anything either. I've never been chewed out by any CM member for sending a friendly greeting that has been opened. One exception -- when I first joined and sent out a friendly brief message of introduction and was told that because I didn't have a profile picture up yet, I shouldn't bother her. So...I didn't. She's still here -- looking, which isn't a surprise considering the hostility shown. But that was an isolated exception.

I haven't had any negative responses to any holiday greetings passed on to others. They are sent (or attempted to be sent) to fora participants. I would hope that an innocent "Happy Easter" sent by anyone would be welcomed. If not, it might be someone with whom no further contact is desired in the first place. I try to play to an appreciative audience and there hasn't been any problem doing so. It's just sad that some people from the younger set have to be excluded because it's not my intention to ignore them.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Yes, Donna -- posting something in the public CM forums has been done when appropriate. However, th...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Yes, Donna -- posting something in the public CM forums has been done when appropriate. However, there are frequent occasions when a number of us want to add something of a personal nature -- something that might not be appreciated in public but welcomed in private. We're not trying to embarrass people that way; hence, the private messages.

The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting. And, no, it's not intended to be a bonding process either -- just a warm gesture that seems to be appreciated by those who can actually receive it. It's sad when people have to be disqualified from this because of an age difference. I receive and welcome messages from people of all ages, and I believe that most members appreciate friendly messages as well.

--hide--

Ray from your perspective this very well might be true "The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting."

But here are a couple things we have had to contend with that you may not be thinking of.

1. When people (usually men) are significantly older and depending on the age range a 40 year old guy sending to a 19 year old women is different than a 60 year old guy sending to a 39 year old women however in either case the man may be using friendship as a disguise in order to have communication with that women in order for it to become more romantic in his mind.

2. Even if a message is innocently friendly with no alternative motive many (women especially) do not like to see their inbox with men old enough to be their father or grandfather. While you and others view CatholicMatch as a dating site and community of singles many do not especially when dealing with the opposite sex and feel creeped out when these see messages from those people come in. It is not a matter of them being able to block the person etc it is merely a fact that they are coming into their inbox on a dating site.

Again doesn't mean we can't come up with other ideas and methods to obtain the same results but it is not simple and their are many moving parts both from the software side as well as the customer perspective side. Often times customers get upset about how something works because of their personal way of using the site or personality or just general disposition but we have to look at things from a much broader and diverse perspective in order to try and satisfy as many as we humanly can.

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Ray from your perspective this very well might be true "The purpose of sending ...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Ray from your perspective this very well might be true "The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting."

But here are a couple things we have had to contend with that you may not be thinking of.

1. When people (usually men) are significantly older and depending on the age range a 40 year old guy sending to a 19 year old women is different than a 60 year old guy sending to a 39 year old women however in either case the man may be using friendship as a disguise in order to have communication with that women in order for it to become more romantic in his mind.

2. Even if a message is innocently friendly with no alternative motive many (women especially) do not like to see their inbox with men old enough to be their father or grandfather. While you and others view CatholicMatch as a dating site and community of singles many do not especially when dealing with the opposite sex and feel creeped out when these see messages from those people come in. It is not a matter of them being able to block the person etc it is merely a fact that they are coming into their inbox on a dating site.

Again doesn't mean we can't come up with other ideas and methods to obtain the same results but it is not simple and their are many moving parts both from the software side as well as the customer perspective side. Often times customers get upset about how something works because of their personal way of using the site or personality or just general disposition but we have to look at things from a much broader and diverse perspective in order to try and satisfy as many as we humanly can.

--hide--
Brian, FYI -- it wasn't my intention to continue this, but I wanted to clarify remarks that were made by others.

One thing I mentioned that seems to have escaped viewing is that I don't just look up profiles and sent messages. People I communicate with (or want to) are familiar faces from the forums. We already have some degree (little to a lot) of familiarity with one another, and at least are NOT strangers to each other. It is this group of people I'm referring to. The example of holiday greetings is one of them. I can send to many friends and at least familiar faces. The younger set, some of who hadn't communicated with me previously are eliminated from such greetings. Therein lies the problem. I don't bother complete strangers.

Virtually everyone sends holiday greetings back, if they haven't beat me to the punch. No one has ever told me to refrain from wishing them holiday greetings.

Those of us who are trying to keep this site friendly are being punished for the acts of a few bad apples. I appreciate the creepy feeling some inexperienced online people might get, but there's no basis for such feelings from me and from most others on CM. To me, this isn't only a dating site, as you can tell by my activity in the forums. That's why I have a problem with the policy as it exists.

It is my hope that something can be done to bring a satisfactory resolution to both sides.

Mar 26th 2013 new

I also have a problem with this policy. I pay my money and I should be able to send friendly emoties to anyone I chose to. Like you Ray, I also used to send private messages commenting on something a younger person had said in the fora, or wishing them happy holidays and never received any negative responses.


This to me is just another example of the "Big Brother" mentality that CM Admin has taken. I also don't think threads should be locked or posts removed but that's an issue for another thread.

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Brian, FYI -- it wasn't my intention to continue this, but I wanted to clarify remarks that wer...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Brian, FYI -- it wasn't my intention to continue this, but I wanted to clarify remarks that were made by others.

One thing I mentioned that seems to have escaped viewing is that I don't just look up profiles and sent messages. People I communicate with (or want to) are familiar faces from the forums. We already have some degree (little to a lot) of familiarity with one another, and at least are NOT strangers to each other. It is this group of people I'm referring to. The example of holiday greetings is one of them. I can send to many friends and at least familiar faces. The younger set, some of who hadn't communicated with me previously are eliminated from such greetings. Therein lies the problem. I don't bother complete strangers.

Virtually everyone sends holiday greetings back, if they haven't beat me to the punch. No one has ever told me to refrain from wishing them holiday greetings.

Those of us who are trying to keep this site friendly are being punished for the acts of a few bad apples. I appreciate the creepy feeling some inexperienced online people might get, but there's no basis for such feelings from me and from most others on CM. To me, this isn't only a dating site, as you can tell by my activity in the forums. That's why I have a problem with the policy as it exists.

It is my hope that something can be done to bring a satisfactory resolution to both sides.

--hide--

Mar 26th 2013 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Ray from your perspective this very well might be true "The purpose of sending ...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Ray from your perspective this very well might be true "The purpose of sending private/personal greetings isn't intended as an attraction process by me -- it's meant as a friendship gesture. No strings attached -- no expectations of anything else -- just a friendly greeting."

But here are a couple things we have had to contend with that you may not be thinking of.

1. When people (usually men) are significantly older and depending on the age range a 40 year old guy sending to a 19 year old women is different than a 60 year old guy sending to a 39 year old women however in either case the man may be using friendship as a disguise in order to have communication with that women in order for it to become more romantic in his mind.

2. Even if a message is innocently friendly with no alternative motive many (women especially) do not like to see their inbox with men old enough to be their father or grandfather. While you and others view CatholicMatch as a dating site and community of singles many do not especially when dealing with the opposite sex and feel creeped out when these see messages from those people come in. It is not a matter of them being able to block the person etc it is merely a fact that they are coming into their inbox on a dating site.

Again doesn't mean we can't come up with other ideas and methods to obtain the same results but it is not simple and their are many moving parts both from the software side as well as the customer perspective side. Often times customers get upset about how something works because of their personal way of using the site or personality or just general disposition but we have to look at things from a much broader and diverse perspective in order to try and satisfy as many as we humanly can.

--hide--



Why not give a new member a brief paragraph explaining the policy and then give that person the ability to opt in or out and also to change it based on his or her experience?

When we read a woman's profile and it states that she thinks that the man should do the pursuing, we run into an issue here.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Brian, FYI -- it wasn't my intention to continue this, but I wanted to clarify remarks that wer...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Brian, FYI -- it wasn't my intention to continue this, but I wanted to clarify remarks that were made by others.

One thing I mentioned that seems to have escaped viewing is that I don't just look up profiles and sent messages. People I communicate with (or want to) are familiar faces from the forums. We already have some degree (little to a lot) of familiarity with one another, and at least are NOT strangers to each other. It is this group of people I'm referring to. The example of holiday greetings is one of them. I can send to many friends and at least familiar faces. The younger set, some of who hadn't communicated with me previously are eliminated from such greetings. Therein lies the problem. I don't bother complete strangers.

Virtually everyone sends holiday greetings back, if they haven't beat me to the punch. No one has ever told me to refrain from wishing them holiday greetings.

Those of us who are trying to keep this site friendly are being punished for the acts of a few bad apples. I appreciate the creepy feeling some inexperienced online people might get, but there's no basis for such feelings from me and from most others on CM. To me, this isn't only a dating site, as you can tell by my activity in the forums. That's why I have a problem with the policy as it exists.

It is my hope that something can be done to bring a satisfactory resolution to both sides.

--hide--

Ray until we can figure out and alternative it is simply a numbers games. The number of messages that might be prevented from being sent for friendly purposes are far outweighed by the number of messages that create an uncomfortable "creepy" feeling. Sometimes for us when having to choose priorities it is choosing the lesser of two evils. As things develop sometimes we can change or avoid those choices but for now it is a choice we have to make. So far statistically it has been an improvement but that doesn't mean we can improve.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Debbie-168656 said: I also have a problem with this policy. I pay my money and I should be able to send friendly emo...
(Quote) Debbie-168656 said:

I also have a problem with this policy. I pay my money and I should be able to send friendly emoties to anyone I chose to. Like you Ray, I also used to send private messages commenting on something a younger person had said in the fora, or wishing them happy holidays and never received any negative responses.


This to me is just another example of the "Big Brother" mentality that CM Admin has taken. I also don't think threads should be locked or posts removed but that's an issue for another thread.

--hide--

Big brother? Last time I checked we are not part of the government. We make policies that we believe will benefit our customers, service and our business. If you care to go back and read some of my other posts we have the benefit and obligation to look at the site as a whole which is a very diverse group of people and we do our best to accomidate this diversity. Generally when people are creeped out by messages from people of an age that is far outside their own then don't respond they either just leave or they contact customer service.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) William-607613 said: Why not give a new member a brief paragraph explaining the policy and then give tha...
(Quote) William-607613 said:




Why not give a new member a brief paragraph explaining the policy and then give that person the ability to opt in or out and also to change it based on his or her experience?

When we read a woman's profile and it states that she thinks that the man should do the pursuing, we run into an issue here.

--hide--

We may but it also adds one more variable, one more feature and a layer of complexity. Every exception or option a user has is just another level of complexity in the software and we can just keep adding all the time. There are three programmers at CatholicMatch which includes, every aspect of running the site and other tech issues thus we have to prioritize and focus one what we see as the issues that imapct the most people.

Mar 27th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I don't know about 50%, but yes, it was someone younger.
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I don't know about 50%, but yes, it was someone younger.

--hide--


Go, cougar, go...


Kidding. wink

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