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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

New to CM, recent widower

Feb 22nd 2013 new
My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was born. She was quickly diagnosed with a rare cancer that was widely metastatic. We spent the year going through treatments but she the cancer just couldn't be controlled. She died this past November. She had repeatedly told me that she wanted me to move on, to allow myself to fall in love again. The past three months have been bad but I'm coming to the realization that I did a lot of grieving over the past year. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on a date or not. Some days I feel like I could and others there is just no way. I figure this site might be a good start.
Feb 22nd 2013 new

First, you are not alone. I joined for this site when the bottom fell out of my life. We will stand with you, kneel with you, and carry you.

Having said that, I didn't initially join for dating. I think many people will tell you a time line and what to feel. Remember to stay in prayer, trust your instincts, and to give yourself permission to grieve your wife. XXOO

Feb 22nd 2013 new
Daniel, first prayers are with you! I am coming up on 3 years March 6 and it still seems like last week. I too am new to CM and found forums a great place for support. Any time you can spend with others who have loved and lost is very helpful! Sometimes you just need reassurance that you are not crazy! Also see if there is a Beginning Experience weekend in your area. Highly recommend this ministry. You will survive. Peace
Feb 22nd 2013 new

Daniel---I am sorry for your loss. You are not alone as Linda said. There is alot of support here. Grieving has its' own time line. So take your time at your time. I am praying for you. Praying hug rosary theheart

Feb 22nd 2013 new

Daniel, I have a similar story Geri was very sick for the whole year of 2012 and passed away this past December. I like you did lots of grieving during the process. In my case January was very bad but February has been much better. Everyone is different in their grieving process. The one common recommendation is to stay close to God and have friends and family to turn to for conversation and support. I have found CM to be a comforting place to learn about the grieving process, meet others that experienced a spouses death and a side bonus is you meet some beautiful spiritual women. I encourage you to peruse some of the other threads on the Widows/Widower forum.

Feb 22nd 2013 new

I've been alone for 14 years. I thought I was ready to date at six months...no. At two years...no....
I joined CM (the first time) after seven years, and in some respects it was still too soon.
Be good to yourself and TAKE IT SLOW. (You also owe it to a new partner to be fully ready to move on.)

Feb 22nd 2013 new

Daniel,


This site is a good start. In the short time I've been a member I've found much support and advice on my grieving process. We're all different; there is no right (or wrong) way to grieve, just your way. God has given you a challenging path to travel but you do not walk it alone.


Our situations have some similarities. I, too, am now the single dad of young children. They will give you strength. The bond with your daughter will be doubly strong. God bless you.


Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-944492 said: My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was b...
(Quote) Daniel-944492 said: My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was born. She was quickly diagnosed with a rare cancer that was widely metastatic. We spent the year going through treatments but she the cancer just couldn't be controlled. She died this past November. She had repeatedly told me that she wanted me to move on, to allow myself to fall in love again. The past three months have been bad but I'm coming to the realization that I did a lot of grieving over the past year. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on a date or not. Some days I feel like I could and others there is just no way. I figure this site might be a good start.
--hide--

Daniel,

I am so sorry for your loss so soon after the birth of your daughter.

We are all at different stages in our grieving and even within ourselves we are at different phases at different times. I lost my beloved husband to cancer 2 years ago. There are times when I feel strong, whereas at other times, I question myself whether I am ready to move on. I have now come to the conclusion that we do not move on, but "move with" and that that's OK. Our hearts grow to be able to accomodate new love and new life, but we will still hold our lost ones close to our hearts. Does that mean we will love less. Our hearts have a capacity to love. Just like a parent - they have their first kid. Does that mean they love their subsequent kids less?

Its Ok to feel the way you feel. I have learnt it helps to go with the flow. To accept that some days will be painful. All of us in this forum have experienced a loss and are trying to weave together something new.

"There is pain in our wounds. But even more important is the love that arises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness." Scott Peck (The Different Drum)


May God Bless you and be with you, to comfort, heal and guide you. His plan is perfect.


Pauline

Feb 25th 2013 new

hug Daniel, as others have said - there is no timeline on grief. It's been many years for me and how I wish CM had been available then! Not so much for the dating aspect, but for the unique resource that it can offer. Like you, I was left to bring up my children alone - my son was only 4 mos old at the time. We don't 'get over it', but we do 'get through it', one day at a time, many many prayers and availing ourselves of the comfort and support of our family and friends. You will find good people here who will help you through it, become your brothers and sisters, and when you are ready will cheer you on as you take your first steps back into a fulfilling life. We will keep you in our prayers as you face this challenge. Give yourself time, allow the grief to subside and thank God for the gift that your beloved has left behind as a perpetual memorial to the love that you shared.Praying

Feb 26th 2013 new

Welcome to CM, Daniel, and especially to the Widows & Widowers Room. As everyone else has said, this community is one of the most supportive you'll ever find. You'll find men and women in various states of grieving, re-emergence, and faith formation. Some of us, like you, have raised young children alone. Some have even remarried, only to suffer the loss of a second spouse...
Each of us travels along at our own pace, with our own needs and motivation--but we share one God, and one Body for the journey...

Like Marge, it will be 14 years for me in March. I don't know when or if God will bring me another mate, but I find so much support and commonality here, that it makes the wait bearable, and even fun at times!

Praying God bless you for taking this first big step and joining us! hug

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