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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Mar 6th 2013 new
Welcome Daniel. You are among friends who have traveled this road. It is a lonely journey but along the way we will pick you up when you get down. You will find the lonely times become shorter as time passes. This site will be your support whenever you need us. It has been over two years since my husband husband passed away. He was sick four years with a lung disease. Everyone is different in the grieving process.. I will keep you in my prayers.
Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Daniel-944492 said: My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was b...
(Quote) Daniel-944492 said: My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was born. She was quickly diagnosed with a rare cancer that was widely metastatic. We spent the year going through treatments but she the cancer just couldn't be controlled. She died this past November. She had repeatedly told me that she wanted me to move on, to allow myself to fall in love again. The past three months have been bad but I'm coming to the realization that I did a lot of grieving over the past year. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on a date or not. Some days I feel like I could and others there is just no way. I figure this site might be a good start.
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Greetings, Daniel. I want to join the others in saying "Welcome to CM". It's a good place to be. You might not be ready for dating or a new relationship yet, but you'll gain some insight from others who have walked that mile in your moccasins. Even though we all have something in common, we each experience it in different ways. The time element is a variable, for starters. Besides the usual grieving process, there is a need to take stock of one's self, get your feet solidly on the ground again, and do a lot of serious thinking and meditating. It's a time of rejuvenation, or re-inventing of yourself. Considering your loss was recent, it's usually wise not to make any major decisions too soon, only to regret them later. Time will heal many wounds. You don't forget but you do go on. Your late wife wanted you to move forward, and this is a step in that direction. Be sure to take care of yourself so you can be your best physically, mentally and spiritually. Your Faith will see you through the "down" times that are inevitable. One day at a time is the best approach.

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Donna-948811 said: Welcome . I am new too just joined 2 days ago. I lost my husband of 35 years in July after a 5 ye...
(Quote) Donna-948811 said:

Welcome . I am new too just joined 2 days ago. I lost my husband of 35 years in July after a 5 year battle with cancer. I am not sure if I am really ready for dating but I am sure that I need a friend that will understand what it is like to be a widow and that is what I hope to start out with.

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We want to welcome you to CM also, Donna. You've had 5 years to prepare for widowhood, but it's still totally different once you're there. Those first months have a way of leaving you with unusually weird feelings, such as you've never felt before. Feeling alone in a crowd isn't unusual. But....this passes and you will settle into your new way of life. You have more than 35 years of memories that won't disappear, but you'll be stronger to face the challenges that lie ahead as time passes. If there are some sad days, allow them to happen. It's perfectly normal. You need to work through the grieving process which, contrary to popular opinion, doesn't have a time limit. It's different with each individual. On CM, you'll encounter many people who have lost their partners through illnesses (short and long term), unexpectedly or by accident. It shakes you up to your very foundation, but you'll find yourself on solid ground as the days go by.

There are many other topics, some serious, some light-hearted that will brighten your day and we hope you look into them. Join in whenever you can.

Keep in mind that tomorrow is a better day.

Mar 12th 2013 new

Hi Daniel,

Sorry for your loss. You are not alone.

I am also starting to crawl out of the cave and this year would be

a new journey. My kids and I are starting afresh and the Good Lord

is watching over us.

It takes time to manage the grief which has its own schedule.

Be positive and let the glass be half-full instead.

Easter is full of miracles. God Bless.

Mar 22nd 2013 new

Hi Daniel


I have been widowed for 7 years. I agree with everything that is being said about things take time and allow yourself time to emotionally grieve and don't ever hesitate to come on to cm or call a friend as you will need a lot of support from caring individuals in your life and your faith. Loss is such are difficult thing to go through and my heart goes out to you. While right now you feel very sad and miss her terribly know that she is still with you in spirit and watching over you are your new guardian angel. Im thankful my parents taught me about guardian angels because I have a right hand one right now. She wanted you to be happy and move forward but give your self time to work through all the emotions that you are feeling and never let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be feeling or going through it. It's the most difficult thing to get used to is the uneasiness of others when they find out that you are widowed they get all weirded out and treat you like a pity case or overreact to your plight. Just pray and God will see you through like he did me you will have dark hours and days and watch out for those holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, special days you shared together those are really really tough and it does get a lot easier to deal with. Hang in there and you are blessed by God to have your child with you so the lonliness isn't that bad.

Jul 11th 2013 new
I too recently suffered a loss. My wife of 13 years pass 4 days after 55th birthday on Feb 10, 2013 from pancreatic cancer. They call this silent killer because it is. When she was diagnosed, she was already stage 4. Linda was a fighter up to the end. She fought for her grand kids. She opted to do hospice in the house and die in her bed which she did after 8 days.Linda was conscience up until the last night still talking and responding to us. I chose to sleep next to her to give her some needed comfort. After the first night I got used to it and before I would go to sleep at night, I would say little prayer to GOD not to take her while I slept. The morning she passed, something woke me up at 4:30 am, when I checked her, her arm was cold. Out of instinct I covered her up with a blanket. Her older daughter came in and said that wasn't the problem because she just checked her breathing 30 minutes prior. I knew what was about to happen anyway's. Linda passed 3hours later very quietly with both of her daughters in the room. That was the day my life change forever. I just lost my mother 4 months earlier, so my life was changed completely upside down. If it wasn't for strong faith in God and Holy Trinity and my daily prayers I could not have made this far.
I recently joined this CM after reading about in a church bulletin. I have tried to find new friend here because after Linda passed her friends and most of her family left also. Haven't had much luck here because I think people are afraid to engage in conservation with a widow or widower. They are probably unsure an what to say of even try to be interested.
So I figured I would respond and use this for part of the grieving process. Thanks for reading

Jul 13th 2013 new
Kevin,
My condolences on your loss. Our stories have many parallels. My wife also suffered through a long illness and period of suffering prior to her passing. I remember being next to her in our bed as she slept listening to her breathing, praying that there would be a next breath. When she passed there was an outpouring of support from friends. Those friends however, were her friends, not our friends and soon slipped away. If not for family, our church, prayer and a neighbor who had lost his wife also, I too do not know what I would have done. He had since remarried and told me in no uncertain terms that as much as I missed my wife and longed for her. She would not return. He also said that God had plans for me and that I needed to find out what those plans were. He said I needed to open my heart to others as well. The fact that you are on CM is a sign that you are ready to allow others to enter your heart. You are right that some are fearful of reaching out to the widowed. I had a similar fear towards the divorced annulled. I feared I could not relate to their loss. After a few contacts it has become easier to speak openly on both subjects. Do not despair about a lack of contact. Stay involved, reply to those that contact you. Most importantly do not fear to take the first step. My God bring you peace.
Jul 16th 2013 new
John,
I agree with you. I too have experienced the loss of my wife. She suffered for many years with Epilepsy, Brain Surgeries, discrimination on the job and recovered about 80 percent from a stroke that paralyzed the left side of her body before the tumors returned as a cancer and took her. The best present I ever got from her was our son. He is 8 years old and I know that he misses her just as I do. But, opening up my heart to others has not been as difficult for me as I feel that is has been for my sister-in-law who lost her husband (my wife's only brother) last year in May. I feel that god has a plan for me yet, but am not sure of the entire direction. I feel that my grieving process started 3 years ago when my wife had her stroke and came back from the operation unable to walk, move her arm etc... I feel that this allowed me some time to adjust to her passing a little easier but still feel the pain. She passed away in Dec. of 2012 and I still have all of her clothing and other belongings just as it was left pretty much last September when she was last at home before placement in skilled care. The best advice I can offer being a young widower is to keep your eyes open and harden not your heart. At some point your compass will find the right direction for you. I have been in touch with several wonderful ladies on this website, and am not willing to close the door yet. As you walk down the hallway of life, check as many doors as you can and step in and say hello. If you don't like what you see, say thank you and keep moving. Something will catch your eye.
Tom
Jul 17th 2013 new
I am praying for intentions of.those in this thread. Praying rose

I lost my husband over 5 years ago. Like you and others who lost their spouses to a long illness, I started mourning my husband's death before he died. My husband didn't have cancer. However, he had 2 auto-immune diseases, a bad heart, a terrible back injury, many surgeries, and many minor illnesses. I expected to be a young widow. Though, I thought that I would have a few more years with him.

I was able to love again after 2 years. I am not currently dating/courting or communicating with anyone.




Oct 13th 2013 new
(quote) Daniel-944492 said: My wife was admitted to the hospital a year ago today about a month and a half after our daughter was born. She was quickly diagnosed with a rare cancer that was widely metastatic. We spent the year going through treatments but she the cancer just couldn't be controlled. She died this past November. She had repeatedly told me that she wanted me to move on, to allow myself to fall in love again. The past three months have been bad but I'm coming to the realization that I did a lot of grieving over the past year. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on a date or not. Some days I feel like I could and others there is just no way. I figure this site might be a good start.
The thing about death separating a marriage is that the love hasn't left the relationship, only the spouse physically has and not of their own will. It is a parting of bodies, not of spirits and souls. This is a more significant loss, especially if the love was mutually shared and had proven itself to be real. It can be shattering.

How can another relationship fill that space--the chasm--that exists in the separation of two inveterate lovers? Well, it can't.

In order to enter into a new relationship, you have to be fully present to it. You have to wrap your brain and your heart around the fact that each person is unique and that it would be cruel to try to compare them (or worse, try to mold them into) your last love. You have to experience the new person as they are for who they are and not for what you expect them to be. And then, you have to decide whether they can fill your heart with joy in a new way, show you how much God can stretch you in love.

I've dated after my husband's death but i have been told that I talk too much about my late husband. It has been intimidating to my new relationships. I learned something from that. It's not that I'm not ready to move forward, but first, I need to let go.
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