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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. And, it's different for everyone... the most attractive...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. And, it's different for everyone... the most attractive thing for me in the physical is a mischievous grin that makes the eyes twinkle, catches my attention every time. Toss in a deep, hearty laugh and a playful personality and I am a goner...

One of the best things about being in a long lasting marriage is traveling that journey through a host of bodily changes for both of the spouses.

What constitutes physical attractiveness is so much more than the size or shape of a body. It's a smile that lights the room, eyes that sparkle, hair that glistens or frames the face in a certain way, the shape of someone's hands or their legs, or any number of traits aside from the assumption of a size and shape.

And, I firmly believe that there is something physically beautiful about everyone, perhaps it would benefit all of us to take an extra minute to really look at the photos in the profiles and seek out those qualities -

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highfive Lauren, I hope you don't mind--I've "clipped" some of your excellent post down to a few statements that perfectly express my feelings about physical attraction FOR ME...In fact, it is part of my profile/what I'm looking for...

I couldn't agree more with you--it is the overall beauty of a man that I find most attractive, and it is based on many things that formed me over the past 60 years... Blinded by love It is based on the loving men, who've colored my life from birth--my father, uncles, grandfather, kind neighbors, and yes--the Walt Disney "princes" of the 1950's/1960's movies. It perhaps was an illustration in an old fairy tale book, the laughter from Uncle Remus, the compassion in the eyes of Jesus in the painting that hung over my parents' fireplace mantle, the strong hands with mechanic's grease of my brother-in-law pushing me on a swing... heartbeat

cloudnine Above all, it was experiencing the physical changes over the years with my late spouse...Like you, I witnessed the "loosing hair", (exposing such sweet little freckles on top that had been concealed!), the changing of strong abdominals to cushy love handles (yuummm--how nice to cozy into after an intimate evening)working in the yard!), the deepening of character lines around eyes, mouth, and neck (which made me think of all the times of happy, sunny vacations/ski days/putting in yard structures, as well as tense moments of hardship, war, and family deaths)...Yes, we BOTH CHANGED, and we BOTH ENCOURAGED EACH OTHER to be our best, even with our imperfections, but we NEVER considered the changes detrimental to the sanctity and beauty of our marriage commitment. We found the beauty that God gave each of us as we "evolved"...

I think that one of my favorite movies is SHREK. yoda

As in the movie, the "beautiful" Princess Fiona princess is changed into an ugly, fat ogress. She falls in love with fat, gross, ugly (but totally charming and lovable!) Shrek. crazy When Shrek is changed into a handsome prince knight-errant, Fiona sees only the EYES of her beloved, and wants her "old ugly" ogre, Shrek... When given the cloice, BOTH OF THEM choose to be "ugly, fat, ogres"--the way they fell in love with each other--without pretention or worldly beauty--but based on the inside love of one another...

That's the kind of love I am seeking again, and I know that it exists for many others out there, who will listen to the Call of God's beauty.... rose

Andrew and Jonathan, welcome aboard to the Forum--for this is what I think both of you were talking about. Great wisdom at young ages. clap

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Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: Lauren, I hope you don't mind--I've "clipped" some of your excellent post dow...
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

Lauren, I hope you don't mind--I've "clipped" some of your excellent post down to a few statements that perfectly express my feelings about physical attraction FOR ME...In fact, it is part of my profile/what I'm looking for...

I couldn't agree more with you--it is the overall beauty of a man that I find most attractive, and it is based on many things that formed me over the past 60 years... It is based on the loving men, who've colored my life from birth--my father, uncles, grandfather, kind neighbors, and yes--the Walt Disney "princes" of the 1950's/1960's movies. It perhaps was an illustration in an old fairy tale book, the laughter from Uncle Remus, the compassion in the eyes of Jesus in the painting that hung over my parents' fireplace mantle, the strong hands with mechanic's grease of my brother-in-law pushing me on a swing...

Above all, it was experiencing the physical changes over the years with my late spouse...Like you, I witnessed the "loosing hair", (exposing such sweet little freckles on top that had been concealed!), the changing of strong abdominals to cushy love handles (yuummm--how nice to cozy into after an intimate evening)working in the yard!), the deepening of character lines around eyes, mouth, and neck (which made me think of all the times of happy, sunny vacations/ski days/putting in yard structures, as well as tense moments of hardship, war, and family deaths)...Yes, we BOTH CHANGED, and we BOTH ENCOURAGED EACH OTHER to be our best, even with our imperfections, but we NEVER considered the changes detrimental to the sanctity and beauty of our marriage commitment. We found the beauty that God gave each of us as we "evolved"...

I think that one of my favorite movies is SHREK.

--hide--

Hi Beverly,

Yes, yes, yes EXACTLY :-))

I love Shrek as well, but Pete watched it all the time lol. He was a big rough and tough fella who was a real mush on the inside and a true nerd at heart :-). He worked the night crew on the oil rig, and sometimes when I would get up in the morning, I'd find him in the living room watching Shrek, Monster's Inc, Pete's Dragon or the Sound of Music lol. . .sometimes he'd already washed the grime off from the rig and sometimes he hadn't yet -- he'd just grin at me, and I would tease him about buying those videos for "the kids". If he wasn't watching those he was watching some science show -- especially something on physics --- or reading National Geographic. Makes me smile to remember, his beautiful weathered face and delightful smile.

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Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Weight loss with hypothyroidism, but it's frustrating in a weird way - when I was...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:



Weight loss with hypothyroidism, but it's frustrating in a weird way - when I was first diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, the weight literally melted off for a while. It was a fantastic miracle - suddenly I could DO normal things again, buy clothes at a regular store, go back to running and weightlifting and swimming (wearing a swimsuit instead of shorts and a t-shirt!). Now I'm actually to the part where I have to exercise and eat right and do all this WORK to lose weight, LOL! My endocrinologist is working with me a lot, but I wish the rest would disappear the way that first 200 pounds did...


I guess part of my problem with "fat bashing" in the culture is that unless you've had the experience of being morbidly obese, you might not be able to understand how horrible it can be without anyone telling you that you're lazy, useless, a drain on society, too ugly to be out in public, too fat to be worth anything...all comments I've heard and continue to hear. I fight myself every day to go to the gym, even though I now fit into normal clothes and don't look that different from the other heavier ladies working out, I still have this perception that everyone's staring at me or moves away to prevent "catching" being fat from me. They probably aren't, but when I was bigger they did so I still get super shy and basically bury myself in headphones and books to get through my workout. Locker rooms are even worse, it's like being in 6th grade gym again. You hear someone who is a size 2 complaining about how they feel ugly and nasty jealousness begins to rear its' hideous head. I think I say more prayers at the gym than in traffic now! :)

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Trust me, I know how it feels to be a person of size (at my work, we are discouraged from using words like fat, chunky or other similar innuendos, instead "person of size" is said to be the more politically correct statement). As a kid, I have been the fat ugly kid in my family. I was teased by everybody including my siblings. Growing up fat and unattractive, I tried to cultivate other facets of my self, and turned out, I was smarter than most (modesty aside, I share numeric wits with the upper 2.5% of the population). I joined school organizations and even became president of different organizations and been a recipient of various leadership awards. But despite all that, I am still the fat kid that nobody would date. Sure, I am considered popular, but for nerdy reasons. Then I discovered the gym and later on boxing. From a BMI of 33.3 (Obese is >30) and wearing a size 40 pants, I was able to put it down to 26.0, and size 33 pants. I still have a long way to go as I am still in the overweight category, but I have made a determination to lose the weight and be in the best shape rather than bemoan my fat fate. I am a person that looks for solutions to a problem, rather than wallow in it... I say let's be proactive and do something about it. It saddens me to see people who wallow in the misery of their problem when there are solutions that are available. It only takes determination and motivation.

Now you may ask, how has my life changed after losing the weight? It's best answered by saying now I enjoy life more, in almost all its facets. In this site thou, I still struggle finding a date, but I'm sure it's not my weight that's the problem... it may be other things like my color, my height, my looks, my location... whatever it is, I don't begrudge women for the fact that I have not met the qualities they prefer in a man. I respect their preference and wish that they find the man they are seeking. Having said that, I expect the same respect allowing me to have my own set of preference too.

Reading thru a lot of the posts in here, especially the "hateful" ones made me really think. Are those post truly what they are? Or are those post coming from deep seated personal pains inappropriately projected towards others? I can only surmise, but I stand by my belief that we all should take individual responsibility for coming up with the best wholistic version of ourselves. I myself am still a work in progress.

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Feb 25th 2013 new
I haven't kept up with the latest comments, but anyone should factor the way in which they carry themselves. Men are attracted and drawn to women who are confident, regardless of their body size. I know when I am with a group of people, my attention gets drawn to the person who appears to be comfortable in their skin having a fun ol' time.
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Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Andrew-73725 said: Hello all, this is my first time posting in the forums. I must share with you that my hear...
(Quote) Andrew-73725 said:

Hello all, this is my first time posting in the forums.

I must share with you that my heart is very sad and heavy as I read through this conversation. To hear all of the bickering back and forth, all of the bitterness, all of the sarcasm, with the men poking at women and the women poking at men. And I do not count myself as being any better. But, we all must admit this honestly --- an observer of this conversation must wonder whether we (you and I) have really been touched by the Divine or transformed by the Sacred Heart of Jesus. If St. Joseph and Mary would hear this conversation (which perhaps, they do), would they not feel uncomfortable? Would they not, rather, pray for us all the more?

None of us can see reality with complete clarity. This is one of the reasons why God is so merciful and patient with us. He knows that we are half-blind. It is also the reason we are simply unable to judge the hearts or the hidden thoughts of others. And we have been forbidden by Our Savior to pretend that we can --- or rather, He is trying to free us of the burden that comes with this proud harshness.

It often happens that the disappointments of life form a root of bitterness in the heart.

It often happens that habitual sins develop a hardness in our hearts.

It often happens that a particular truth is painful to us, and we do not wish to admit it is a truth at all.

Rather than turn to the God of perfect Love, it is always easier to try to satisfy ourselves in some way --- lashing out at others, assigning blame, getting our pokes in, using humor to avoid serious consideration, justifying our bitterness, or gossiping with someone who has our same soul disease and will give a sympathetic ear (which keeps us feeling justified). I myself have been guilty of all of these things.

One of the Wisdom Books relays this word of God: "He who can tame his tongue is a perfect man."

And Jesus Himself emphasizes: "It is not what goes into a man that defiles (or degrades) him, but what comes out of him."

If the forums are to be a place where we tear at each other, cause unnecessary hurt and division, then I wonder -- what purpose does it serve? How can it be that a website built to bring the sexes together in harmony would be used instead for another tired and worn-out "battle of the sexes"? Would it not be better to pray to the Holy Spirit for self-control of one's speech and to go pray alone in one's room? It is always more humble (and true) to admit ignorance, and say "I do not understand you, though I would love to" than to say "I understand your heart, and here is how I judge it." How many marriages have deteriorated for lack of this humility and self-control?

It seems to me that a hardened, unhealed heart can never really experience true love, it can only make attempts to "successfully acquire" a thing, the way that one acquires a porcelain doll or a doll house. None of us, deep down, wants to be "acquired," "processed," "managed," "statistically analyzed," "evaluated," or "interviewed" in a matter that really calls for all the simplicity of True Love, beginning with the charity that is owed to everyone.

And finally, a word about Beauty. God IS Beautiful! The beauty that is all around us comes from God as a gift for us. If all beauty is from God's loving creation, why would we ever dismiss it or say it is somehow not important? And why would we draw a division in God's creation and suggest that visible beauty is less important (or not important), and "inner"/invisible beauty is somehow the "real" beauty? When God creates a beautiful flower, does He not do it out of Love for us? Does this flower do nothing for our soul? What we try to divide, God has made as a beautiful, although mysterious, unity. And when a human being recognizes, "What a beautiful flower!", this, too, does something good for the soul. It is a celebration and it is the truth.

It is healthy for a man to say, about another man, "He is handsome" or "He is very intelligent" or "He is more talented than me in ____". If a man is not able to celebrate this truth about another, could it be jealousy, envy, insecurity? I don't know. But it is a "missing-out" on a celebration of God's creation.

So too, it is healthy for a woman to say, about another woman, "She is so beautiful." If her heart is not lightweight as she praises this woman, and celebrates the beauty of this woman --- if her heart is not lightweight, could it be because her heart is weighed down by a pile of hurts, insecurities, jealousy, envy? I don't know. But it is a "missing-out" on a celebration of God's creation.

The same applies if a woman were to praise something true about a man, or if a man were to praise something true about a woman. And yet, it is in these situations that we pile feelings of guilt upon one another because we ourselves have not come to terms with our own insecurities. It is worth reflecting on this --- in Heaven, we will have been healed of our insecurities and cleansed from all the twistedness of our hearts. And there, in this blissful condition, each and every one will appreciate the beauty of each and every one, with an intense, free, and true love. And there will be no thought of "acquiring" a person, there will be a healthy and pure love of oneself, and no bitterness at the beauty of others, no jealousy. Surely there is no sin in appreciating every kind of Beauty that there is! Far from being a sin, one might even say it is a duty, to give God's Goodness its due! What a bland world if such appreciation is frequently repressed or condemned or held in suspicion! Free yourself to perceive and to praise God, and, by all means, allow others to be free as well.

Meanwhile, here and now, the Beauty or Ugliness of one's heart ALWAYS shows through, sometimes to our own embarrassment. Let us all strive to be Beautiful in every way. And to celebrate all Beauty, forgetting for a moment our own self-centered concerns. We were made, in the end, to be immersed in Beauty.

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BEST POST I'VE READ. Such a breath of fresh air!

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Feb 25th 2013 new
Sometimes there are those who believe in premarital relations yet discuss their perfect mate be ,a Virgin?
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Feb 25th 2013 new
Note the paintings from prior times.Women who were not considered "thin" we're more desirable & also a sign of health/wealth.
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Feb 25th 2013 new

I can't really answer the question since this is a question of preference, but I would suggest a way to prevent being offensed about the weight would be to use pictures that are not too far from the reality. Of course, if someone is not very clear about it physical appearance, using blurry pictures, this can create confusion for someone who finds it important to stay fit. It can even show a lack of self-esteem.

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Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Lauren-927923 said: Hi Beverly, Yes, yes, yes EXACTLY :-)) I love Shrek as well, but Pete wat...
(Quote) Lauren-927923 said:

Hi Beverly,

Yes, yes, yes EXACTLY :-))

I love Shrek as well, but Pete watched it all the time lol. He was a big rough and tough fella who was a real mush on the inside and a true nerd at heart :-). He worked the night crew on the oil rig, and sometimes when I would get up in the morning, I'd find him in the living room watching Shrek, Monster's Inc, Pete's Dragon or the Sound of Music lol. . .sometimes he'd already washed the grime off from the rig and sometimes he hadn't yet -- he'd just grin at me, and I would tease him about buying those videos for "the kids". If he wasn't watching those he was watching some science show -- especially something on physics --- or reading National Geographic. Makes me smile to remember, his beautiful weathered face and delightful smile.

--hide--
Sounds like there are at least TWO MEN up in Heaven, who have a lot in common!! wink

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Feb 25th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: Sounds like there are at least TWO MEN up in Heaven, who have a lot in common!!
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

Sounds like there are at least TWO MEN up in Heaven, who have a lot in common!!

--hide--
Let's just love one another as creatures made in His image, both inside and out! lovestruck! hug theheart

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