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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: I've met somewhere between 50 and 80 CMers in person. As a general rule, the only reason I ca...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

I've met somewhere between 50 and 80 CMers in person. As a general rule, the only reason I can see that most of the ladies are single is because they are a bit heavy. Otherwise, they are all lovely people.
As for the men, the biggest reasons that most of them are single seem to be: lack of polished manners (opening doors, saying thank you, offering their chairs, other small things that matter to the gals) and lack of any real attempt to make conversation with new people.

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Good observation Marge! I am a "data" driven person (LOVE statistics/data collecting), especially when it comes to analyzing behaviors (current special ed. teacher studying to become a behavioral analyst). I believe that Marge has made an excellent deduction. Is her conclusion research based (50 to 80, not a large base, but large enough)? STATISTICS show that most of todays men (as opposed to those from the Victorian Era) are attracted to the visual appearance of women with the measurements of a life sized Barbie doll more than any other "shape". Are the body measurements of a life sized Barbie doll realistic? Again, studies show that a woman with the measurements of a life sized Barbie doll is grossly "out of proportion". So how is it that today's man has grown attracted to something that is so abnormal? PORN! Even "good Christian men" view pornographic images of women, most of which are airbrushed and not even "the real thing". If you haven't already noticed a young (20 year old) woman of "good size" (5'10" and over 150 lbs) is the front page model for the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue this year. She was criticized because she had a noticable fat roll under her right arm in the front page photo, as well as on her hips!! Another "beautiful" woman is Miss USA; she was criticized because a month after the competition she had gained "signicant" weight and no longer looked "attractive". She admitted that she starved herself (and airbrushed her midsection) before the competition and now she was eating "salads", as opposed to NOTHING. Sorry to go on a tangent here but PORN has destroyed a man's healthy image of a woman. Before I was married I was a fashion model (naturally thin); my former husband was physically attracted to the "thin" type. After I had my first child I was thinner than before I had him but my former spouse insisted that I was "too fat" and had to lose weight. Years later I found out that he was viewing pornographic images of women, some that looked prepubescent, like our daughters at the time boggled . I understand your concern about Catholic men not being attracted to "chunky women", but I think you will find that Christian men in general (not just Catholic men) are seeking the "perfect" wife, which includes perfection in ALL areas (remember, their ideal visual image of perfection in women is a life-sized Barbie doll), whereas non-Christian men are just looking to get laid. Can this trend be reversed? I hope so but I don't see it happening any time soon as the women at my church are "pleasing" their husbands by getting boob jobs and spending family funds/time on multiple gym memberships, training/competing in triathalons, marathons, and body-building competitions. Everyone should be LOVED for who they are not whether they are a size 2/4/6 or 14/16/18. I have even seen men post that their ideal date should be a "single digit dress size". So if I wear a size 10 he isn't interested eyepopping , when the average dress size is a 12 boggled. Another study was done comparing the personality changes of women before they had lost alot of weight and after. THe study showed that when the woman was overweight her personality was more engaging whereas after the weight loss she was LESS engaging, relying more on her appearance to get attention. I have overweight female friends and female friends that are always trying to lose weight. I prefer to spend time with the overweight friends because they are much more pleasant to be around. biggrin

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Ronald-937125 said: I am not sure if what I'm saying is totally true; I usually think that overweight wo...
(Quote) Ronald-937125 said:



I am not sure if what I'm saying is totally true; I usually think that overweight women have health issues and aren't as active and probably overeat. Since I would prefer someone healthy and active, I prefer someone not overweight.
Some overweight women might be sexually attractive and I usually consider everything about a woman when trying to decide to correspond with them...

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Ronald, I hope you don't think I am picking on you, but your previous comment made reference to the fact that you are attracted to women 20 years younger than you, now you are saying that you are attracted to women that are not overweight. So are you saying that you are attracted to women 20 years younger than you AND not overweight? Does it matter if she has a pleasant personality or if she is fun to be with?

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Gayle-177908 said: So I have recently noticed a common issue among men, especially Catholic men. Is it just me or ar...
(Quote) Gayle-177908 said:

So I have recently noticed a common issue among men, especially Catholic men. Is it just me or are Catholic men especially picky when it comes to the "size" of the women they date? I have many different size Catholic friends and it seems that the only Catholic women that are single are the ones with a little more to love. I also know many single Catholic men (friends) and they have admitted to me that they are on the lookout for only thin women. Thoughts?

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First off... Welcome to the forums. As far as MORE PICKY... I dont thinks so. It is pretty simple. Everyone has their own hardwired taste. That is all. Men in general are visual people... it is just fact and women are generally more verbal. Some women like men who talk and some want men who listen. Some men are very physically fit and want a wife who is too and some like women with some curve... It's all good. My thinking on all of this is... If they look at my pictures and they don't feel compelled by it and the profile information then they are just sparing me a bunch of time. THANK YOU GENTLEMEN! Now, if they do like my pictures, and they do like what I wrote in my profile information, then COME ON LET'S TALK AREADY!

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Joan-529855 said: Good observation Marge! I am a "data" driven person (LOVE statistics/data c...
(Quote) Joan-529855 said:


Good observation Marge! I am a "data" driven person (LOVE statistics/data collecting), especially when it comes to analyzing behaviors (current special ed. teacher studying to become a behavioral analyst). I believe that Marge has made an excellent deduction. Is her conclusion research based (50 to 80, not a large base, but large enough)? STATISTICS show that most of todays men (as opposed to those from the Victorian Era) are attracted to the visual appearance of women with the measurements of a life sized Barbie doll more than any other "shape". Are the body measurements of a life sized Barbie doll realistic? Again, studies show that a woman with the measurements of a life sized Barbie doll is grossly "out of proportion". So how is it that today's man has grown attracted to something that is so abnormal? PORN! Even "good Christian men" view pornographic images of women, most of which are airbrushed and not even "the real thing". If you haven't already noticed a young (20 year old) woman of "good size" (5'10" and over 150 lbs) is the front page model for the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue this year. She was criticized because she had a noticable fat roll under her right arm in the front page photo, as well as on her hips!! Another "beautiful" woman is Miss USA; she was criticized because a month after the competition she had gained "signicant" weight and no longer looked "attractive". She admitted that she starved herself (and airbrushed her midsection) before the competition and now she was eating "salads", as opposed to NOTHING. Sorry to go on a tangent here but PORN has destroyed a man's healthy image of a woman. Before I was married I was a fashion model (naturally thin); my former husband was physically attracted to the "thin" type. After I had my first child I was thinner than before I had him but my former spouse insisted that I was "too fat" and had to lose weight. Years later I found out that he was viewing pornographic images of women, some that looked prepubescent, like our daughters at the time . I understand your concern about Catholic men not being attracted to "chunky women", but I think you will find that Christian men in general (not just Catholic men) are seeking the "perfect" wife, which includes perfection in ALL areas (remember, their ideal visual image of perfection in women is a life-sized Barbie doll), whereas non-Christian men are just looking to get laid. Can this trend be reversed? I hope so but I don't see it happening any time soon as the women at my church are "pleasing" their husbands by getting boob jobs and spending family funds/time on multiple gym memberships, training/competing in triathalons, marathons, and body-building competitions. Everyone should be LOVED for who they are not whether they are a size 2/4/6 or 14/16/18. I have even seen men post that their ideal date should be a "single digit dress size". So if I wear a size 10 he isn't interested , when the average dress size is a 12 . Another study was done comparing the personality changes of women before they had lost alot of weight and after. THe study showed that when the woman was overweight her personality was more engaging whereas after the weight loss she was LESS engaging, relying more on her appearance to get attention. I have overweight female friends and female friends that are always trying to lose weight. I prefer to spend time with the overweight friends because they are much more pleasant to be around.

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Well said, Marge. I think it was John Paul II that said the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, but too little. Men that are searching for a partner based primarily on looks is setting himself up for failure and to be miserable, and isn't worth a woman's time. Of course, there has to be physcial attraction there, but people shouldn't be so shallow about it. I find that as I have grown in my faith over the years, it is really what is on the inside that matters. I know that sounds really cliche, but it is true. Outer beauty will fade away as the years pass. If a marriage or relationship is built strictly on phyical looks, what is to happen as time begins to take its toll? You have to have a strong foundation, based on values, morals and centered in Christ. That withstands all, and there is nothing of this world that can seperate that if two people keep Christ as the focus. The good Lord knows I am not perfect physically; I will never have a six pack, unless it says "Yuengling" on the outside of it. Why would I want someone that is with me based on my looks alone? I absolutely yearn for a woman that will love me for what I am, my thoughts, what makes me tick, etc. I won't settle for anything less, and the ladies shouldn't either.

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02/24/2013 new

I have found that women tend to be a lot more 'forgiving' about men's weight than men are about a womans weight.. A lot of women I know are more comfortable with a man that has what we describe as a 'teddy bear build'. Women also are not given credit for their natural tendency to carry more 'fat' due to the demands of childbearing on the body. After the birth the body often wants to keep those fat cells full. It is much harder for women to lose weight too. We get caught up in the demands of caring for house and children and often don't have the time to spend at the gym.. Especially hard on SAHM's.. People who put severe limits on weight are reducing their dating pool significantly and then wonder where all the potential dates are.. Most of us are not that thin, but we want to be loved too.. Personally, I didn't see my contacts change much when I lost all the weight in 2007..

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02/24/2013 new

Forgive me Donna, but what is SAHM?

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Gayle-177908 said: So I have recently noticed a common issue among men, especially Catholic men. Is it just me or ar...
(Quote) Gayle-177908 said:

So I have recently noticed a common issue among men, especially Catholic men. Is it just me or are Catholic men especially picky when it comes to the "size" of the women they date? I have many different size Catholic friends and it seems that the only Catholic women that are single are the ones with a little more to love. I also know many single Catholic men (friends) and they have admitted to me that they are on the lookout for only thin women. Thoughts?

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Ok a bit of confession time... I met a guy from here when I weighed 180 lbs. He never complained that I didn't look nice. I cantor for church, I love to sing and I studied music ed in college, he complained that I sang too loudly at mass. He also made a sideways comment about my breast size. Mind you this is when I weighed 180 lbs. I KNEW I WAS IN THE WRONG PLACE! When I was in high school and college I weighed 120 lbs. To be 47 and be that weight was just not right for me. I went to my doctor for a regular check up and we discussed that 140 lbs would be a better option for me since I have family history of diabete, high blood pressure and heart diesaes. THANK YOU GOD! I don't have any of these issues and I didn't at the time of my general exam either. I have since chosen, of my own accord, to loose the 40 lbs that NOBODY COMPLAINED ABOUT. In fact I was told by one gentleman that there was no way that I should need to loose 40 lbs. God bless his heart. I have 7 lbs to go. In truth... and we are all grown ups here... I hope, When I loose weight, I loose it EVERYWHERE. You are all smart enough to figure that out. So, will some men find THAT unappealing...YOU BET THEY WILL~ and some men don't and I know that for a fact also! So, be YOU, ladies! Be the best, healthiest, YOU that you can be! Be the radiant joy of Gods great love! SHINE! You are wonderfully made in Gods image and likeness! SHINE FOR HIM and God will fill your heart and we wont be so caught up in who thinks what. We will be living for God!

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Jonathan-903357 said: Forgive me Donna, but what is SAHM?
(Quote) Jonathan-903357 said:

Forgive me Donna, but what is SAHM?

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Stay at Home Mom..

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02/24/2013 new

(Quote) Jonathan-903357 said: Forgive me Donna, but what is SAHM?
(Quote) Jonathan-903357 said:

Forgive me Donna, but what is SAHM?

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Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)


Jonathan, thank you so much for including the Holy Father's statements. Unfortunately with "cyber dating" all you have is a photo (or more) and a brief description of the other person (compiled by that person; not always the most accurate). I have seen photos on CM of both men and women in their various stages of physical "well-being" whereby they are quite thin in one photo (usually their profile photo) and then various shapes in other photos. Obviously people's body changes over time, as you pointed out. If the relationship was BASEED on a mutual PHYSICAL attraction it will not last. I would really prefer that we all be blind until the wedding day. I know it is quite far fetched but if it worked for the Dating Game, maybe it can work for the rest of society eyepopping . What amazes me is whenever this topic presents itself on CM (this isn't the first time) it is the younger men that (under 30) that seem to have the most enlightened responses. Even Psychology Today (finally) admits to the extreme dangers of pornography, in ALL forms (including lingerie ads). Just when I about to lose all hope we hear from the likes of Jonathan...thanks.

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02/24/2013 new

Hi Gayle


I'm twice your age and then some, but the truth is we ( both men and women) are attracted to the opposite sex that appear healthy. Those of us that are to thin or to heavy don't have the appearance of good health, it may not be true about health, but appearance is the first evaluation that's made. Your appearance of good health is even more critical at your age, then mine. My family is raised and your may be yet to be started. Before a man can get to know who you are, and your qualities, a physical attraction has to be met. Basically 'looks count' so look your best. Proper fitting clothing, no matter what size you are, not to much skin showing, and dress appropriately for the occasion, that is a healthy look.

God Bless

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