John, I'm not sure if I would have been as concerned about marrying a workaholic back in my younger days as I understand what it takes to get a successful, life long career off on a proper start. Naturally, even back then, especially once the children began to appear on the scene, I would have sincerely wanted my husband to be around and be involved in his children's lives, especially as children don't stay little very long and those relationships just never really develop if they are put off until later.
As it is right now, yes - I look at that a bit more closely. The way I see it, the most hectic phases of my life are behind me (at least I certainly hope so) and I now have the luxury of not having to work all the time. I may be way too young to really feel that I can completely retire, but my time is more now my own. I have time to not only work a part time job (which I have a passion for and gives me the satisfaction of knowing that I make a real difference in people's lives), do some volunteer work with the church and CSS and still have enough discretionary time left to fill doing things I enjoy. (In other words; time to play or relax, time for hobbies, travel and family.) Sure, I can do all these things on my own and I have no problem with that, but why would I want to go to the trouble of finding my soul-mate and the one man I can't live without only to find he's too busy with his work to spend some of his time with me? Mind you, I'm not the clingy sort or someone who needs to be entertained but I want someone that I can actually get out and enjoy life with, nurture and simply 'be' with. If that fellow was always going to be at gone due to some obsession with his work, what would I have gained by marrying him?
I guess I also wonder about a man who feels they 'have something to prove', by our age. He should have already been long on his way, if not already there. Hopefully, by this time, both parties have found measures of peace, happiness and contentment and no longer feel so driven toward things of this world. It's time we best begin to buckle down even harder and if we must work so hard - let it be to help each other to get to the kingdom of heaven!
Yours was a very interesting reply with a lot of detail about the what, the when , the how and the why. I'm not an editor or a writer, but I'd also say that it was written very well and easy to follow given all the details.
I think that your words, I want someone that I can ... simply 'be' with are central. The workaholic may unconsciously not be able to sense that he is doing anything for your unless it involves a lot of activity and exertion, which tends to remove from you the personal presence that you really want.
For those men who are simply not good communicators, it may be very awkward to be in the presence of a woman who is looking for his personal presence in relaxed communication and he may actually stay at work long hours to avoid this.