(Quote) John-184825 said:
After reading the replies written so far, a few more questions occur to me that might be good to a...
(Quote) John-184825 said:
After reading the replies written so far, a few more questions occur to me that might be good to ask the one who says, "I don't respond well to criticism".
1. If something arises in your life that seems to be harmful or unfair, do you just accept it without ever voicing any criticism or complaint?
2. How can a real relationship develop between two imperfect people if all criticism is disallowed?
3. Have you never criticise anyone for anything?
4. What would you think about someone's telling you, "I don't respond well to criticism".
These are good questions. First, when something is harmful or unfair I do voice it, but I often ponder it for a bit, before sitting down with the person and talking about it. If someone says something that I think is blatantly unfair or unduly hurtful, I will generally respond at that moment, especially if it is directed at another person. Before my Pete passed away and especially early in or marriage when we were still negotiating many things, when I felt he had done something unfair or hurtful, I would write a long letter. They usually started out "angry" but by the time I had said all the things I felt I needed to say, the emotion would be spent and they always ended on a reaffirming note of how much I loved him and loved being his wife. He would take them and read them several times and a few days later when had had time to ponder the letter, he'd come to me and we would sit down and talk about it. it worked very well for both of us, later when I had less reasons to write, he told me he really missed those letters lol.
2.) I think perhaps it is the term criticism here that is the problem. Criticism has such a negative connotation and when one brings the word to mind, it always comes with one person telling another person how what they are doing, thinking, feeling, believing is wrong. A critique on the other hand is meant to be beneficial and point out both strengths and weaknesses. Also, developing a mutual respect that has room for and even welcomes differences between the spouses is how strong and lasting relationships are formed. If one spouse feels constantly belittled or nagged or disapproved of in some fashion through criticism, there is no room for growth or bonding. So one can address differences without being critical. I think it is also imporant here to add the caveat -- to pick one's battles wisely. And, to be honest unless another person's behavior is seriously immoral or cruel, most other things are simply differences in approach and should be treated as a beautiful variation on the ways something can be done or experienced.
3.) I am sure that my lips and my tongue have not always been used in the most beneficial of ways, and this does sadden me. :-(
4.) I think that was the original question and my answer still stands, and yes, it isn't so much a retort as placing it back in their ball park.