(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said:
First, I would say, I love a woman who speaks her mind. It may not be something...
(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said:
First, I would say, I love a woman who speaks her mind. It may not be something I would agree on, but definitely something we can discuss and as you put it "lay it on the line."
Second, may I dare ask, "are you suggesting that a man only talks to woman one at a time?" And by "talking" I mean plain and simple communication without the benefit of a commitment. If so, I believe this is counter productive to the quest of finding "The One" meant for each of us. As it is, out of the million potential spouse out there it only takes ONE. It is nothing different from browsing, only with the component of interactive communication.
Third, I think there is a big question on the definition of "dating". Being from a different culture, "dating" to me is a simple getting to know each other without committment nor exclusivity. Having said that, when in the course of dating the two people believe that what they have may potentially lead to marriage, then it is brought to the next level where they become boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusivity and commitment are key ingredients. Keeping one's option open is fair play not until such point of exclusivity and commitment is reached. A player is a person who keeps his/her options open while being in an exclusive relationship. And this is true for both man and woman.
Fourth, I believe the gray zone lies in the "unspoken perception" of what the "dating" people have in their hands. What merely is a "getting to know stage" for one may have been perceived as "we're a couple" in the mind of the other. That said, clarification should be made and to me that is the perfect time for "laying it on the line."
Just my thoughts.
Glad to know you don't mind a woman who speaks her mind. :)
There are two different types of dating. There is dating as in going out on casual dates to see how you feel about that person. Then, there is exclusive dating. What I am, and have been, referring to is exclusive dating. This is what is expected after a reasonable amount of time has surpassed. For instance, let's say a guy has been going on casual dates with many women. That is fair. The women has likely been doing the same thing, if she is smart. However, after a period of time, let's say six months of chatting, going out on one date a week, talking on the phone, keeping in touch, learning more and more about each other, etc., the woman eventually begins to wonder if he is looking for anything more than just a "causual date." Often times women will be thrown off by the man's inability to become exclusive because he may have mentioned that he is looking for a "serious relationship" or "something that ultimately leads to marriage" at the beginning of their casual dating. However, if he does not know by a certain point in time, which can ultimately vary depending upon how much time the couple has spent together, then of course she is probably not the one for him. The women tends to be in denial about this and the man typically is too afraid to tell her--fearing he will hurt her feelings.
The better solution would just be to tell her if you are "just not that into her." There are many ways to say it in a diplomatic way. We are ALL adults afterall. The bottom line is that women want to feel like aguy is crazy about her. And I am sure guys want to feel the same way--that a woman is crazy abou him. So let's turn the tables: say you are talking to a woman and going out on dates with her (and other women) for a period of about 6 months. You guys go out once a week, talk on the phone several times a week, all the while you are talking to other women (say 2-3 others). Now, say you decide that you are done talking to others and just want to focus on this one particular woman. You're not sure where it could lead. You certainly are nowhere near thinking she's "the one" but you really just have a special chemistry with this woman. We'll call her Woman A. Well, with typical gender roles being what they are, you would, being the man, ask Woman A to be exclusive. That is, you would have the talk about "not seeing other women" and her "not seeing other men." This is exclusivity. Now say she tells you that she does not feel ready to be exclusive. Wouldn't you feel a bit confused? I mean after ALL that time, wouldn't you wonder WHAT it would take to convince her to go exclusive? Perhaps you would think she is "just not that into you" and wonder how long it has been like that, when did she come to that conclusion, and WHY on Earth did she not cut it off sooner? (Perhaps she liked the free meals?)
Now, as women, since we are typically the ones being asked to go exclusive, after a certain period of time, if we have not been asked, we begin to question a guy's motives. Is he REALLY looking for Ms. Right or is he still in this "figuring it out" stage or "playing the field?" Or is he "just not that into us?" Either option is perfectly fine, although obviously a woman would be upset if she was hoping for something more to turn out from the casual dates. However, it is when we are led to believe that he IS looking for Ms. Right and six months goes by and much time has transpired and he is still just seeing multiple women that we begin to question OUR VALUE TO HIM. This is of course why I always advocate for women (and men) not to put all their eggs into one basket too soon. As Marge previously stated, don't fall in love with him too soon. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Well, just because a woman wants exclusivity after a reasonable amount of time does not mean she has fallen in love. She undoubtedly would have feelings for the guy by this point; if she didn't she'd be a robot. However, it is the exclusivity which allows for the ability to better grow in your knowledge of that person and the compatibility between the individuals. Let's face it--casually dating multiple individuals gets exhausting after a while.