Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: (Quote) Sonsoles-496426 said:... if a man is interested in YOU he will let you kn...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said:

Quote:
Sonsoles-496426 said:... if a man is interested in YOU he will let you know, without a doubt. ...


I don't believe that. I think he will do it only if he's convinced he will be received with kindness and generosity.

--hide--

hello Marge, yes!! but think what Tiffany said, the stringing thing.... and then many times a woman, because she thinks the man should the first one offering to call and visit, etc etc or at least suggestin it.. keeps waiting.. surely the boy keeps calling because he is welcomed!! but certainly if someone that matches him better lives locally or whatever, it does not matter you have been kind! or generous, it means there is a better fit for him and I completely understand!

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Sonsoles-496426 said: Hello Tifanny!! While I agree with many things you said! I think Andrew has ...
(Quote) Sonsoles-496426 said:

Hello Tifanny!! While I agree with many things you said! I think Andrew has lied it on the line!! This is so true. I have been here for a while on and off... and let me tell you what my mom and grandma have always said, if a man is interested in YOU he will let you know, without a doubt. Otherwise he may be handling other things in his life, not sure.. etc etc... you either take it or move. Also, if you see you would not be a fit for him the best thing as you say is to let the other person know asap. You look like a great woman, I am sure a great man will come along!!

--hide--

Thanks Sonsoles (love your name by the way)!

I do agree. I believe that a man will let you know; however, I do know it does depend upon his temperament, personality, chaos of his schedule, etc. Some guys are not as assertive as we may think. We cannot link all guys into the same category. Guys have some of the same insecurities we women do. That is why I try to make it clear if I am interested in someone and AM NOT afraid to send an emotigram or message (although--for all you guys listening out there--I would MUCH PREFER him do it!). To me, I want a man to be the Head of the Household and taking the first step to initiate contact is a great sign that he will be an excellent leader in the family--should it ever get that far. Thanks for your feedback! biggrin

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Thanks Sonsoles (love your name by the way)! I do agree. I believe th...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Thanks Sonsoles (love your name by the way)!

I do agree. I believe that a man will let you know; however, I do know it does depend upon his temperament, personality, chaos of his schedule, etc. Some guys are not as assertive as we may think. We cannot link all guys into the same category. Guys have some of the same insecurities we women do. That is why I try to make it clear if I am interested in someone and AM NOT afraid to send an emotigram or message (although--for all you guys listening out there--I would MUCH PREFER him do it!). To me, I want a man to be the Head of the Household and taking the first step to initiate contact is a great sign that he will be an excellent leader in the family--should it ever get that far. Thanks for your feedback!

--hide--

Thank you Tiffany! flower you are right with that one, I know it also depends on the man's temperament, some men are much more assertive! But let me tell you I have seen the shiest guy in the world asking a friend out.

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

Thanks to EVERYONE who has participated in this thread and for all those who are thinking of participating--your feedback and input is GREATLY appreicated! This is truly what I wanted, an open and honest discussion of ideas from men and women on this topic. Men are great. Women are great. And God designed us to live together and build each other up. Just look at verses in Proverbs 31 or Genesis. To reiterate: this WAS NOT and IS NOT a man-bashing thread. Thanks to all who have "laid it on the line." I greatly appreciated your candid honesty and willingness to be vulernable and publicly open with your experiences, opinions, view, etc. I have truly made some AMAZING friends on Catholic Match and though Mr. Right may not find me from this site, I can say the experiences I have had here are well worth it regardless. I think my new catch-phrase will be "laying it on the line." Like one of my favorite country singers used to sing, "I Walk the Line...", well Tiffiany is "Laying it on the line" and encouraging others to do so too! God bless! biggrin hug You get a Gold Star!

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Okay, so I often don't participate too much on public forums. I highly prefer the private,...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Okay, so I often don't participate too much on public forums. I highly prefer the private, women's-only version. However, I feel that for this particular topic I want input from some testosterone counter-parts.

Why is it that men "keep their options open?" I'm not speaking from personal experience per se, but I have heard a lot of women discuss this issue and quite frankly it makes me cringe like the thought of nails on a chalkboard. Personally, I feel it is un-Christ-like to "keep your options open" when you are interested in a woman and completely against the idea of agape love (God's love) to be this way. If you meet someone whom you click well with, are on similar ground in regard to the important issues, and the chemistry is there, then what is the hold up on taking it to the next level? I'm not talking about talking to someone for only a few weeks and then begin the proper exclusive dating relationship; however, many women have discussed issues where they have spoken to guys for months on end (while going on dates with them at the same time). And yet, the guy continues to play the "I'm not ready to commit card." If guys are not ready to commit, then why in the world would they be on a dating website that is based for Catholics? (When the whole idea of Catholicism in regard to dating is that you date to determine if you are compatible for marriage. And then if you are compatible, then you marry.) Now some of these women have met these men elsewhere--in real life or on other dating websites. However, the bottom line is, if a man says he is a Christian--and truly loves God and lives for Him--then "keeping his options open" in my opinion seems a bit like using contraception in effort not to get pregnant because you do not trust God enough to let His Providence and Divine Will occur. To me, this is why there are so many single older women and men--and by older I mean in their mid to late 30's and early 40's. Women have biological clocks. Men need to know this if they don't already. So, why on Earth are they, more often than not, "keeping their options open" if they want a family one day? Don't they know that eventually a woman will not be able to give them children? I just do not get this!

So, men, feel free to enlighten us women with your ideas, opinions, etc.

--hide--
Tiffany,

First, I would say, I love a woman who speaks her mind. It may not be something I would agree on, but definitely something we can discuss and as you put it "lay it on the line."

Second, may I dare ask, "are you suggesting that a man only talks to woman one at a time?" And by "talking" I mean plain and simple communication without the benefit of a commitment. If so, I believe this is counter productive to the quest of finding "The One" meant for each of us. As it is, out of the million potential spouse out there it only takes ONE. It is nothing different from browsing, only with the component of interactive communication.

Third, I think there is a big question on the definition of "dating". Being from a different culture, "dating" to me is a simple getting to know each other without committment nor exclusivity. Having said that, when in the course of dating the two people believe that what they have may potentially lead to marriage, then it is brought to the next level where they become boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusivity and commitment are key ingredients. Keeping one's option open is fair play not until such point of exclusivity and commitment is reached. A player is a person who keeps his/her options open while being in an exclusive relationship. And this is true for both man and woman.

Fourth, I believe the gray zone lies in the "unspoken perception" of what the "dating" people have in their hands. What merely is a "getting to know stage" for one may have been perceived as "we're a couple" in the mind of the other. That said, clarification should be made and to me that is the perfect time for "laying it on the line."

Just my thoughts.

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

Simple to me then. Tell him to man up or move on. If he doesn't like he's not worth your time.

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: David, I would completely agree with you on this notion--ESP...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

David,

I would completely agree with you on this notion--ESPECIALLY at the beginning. Of course it would be unwise and can we say just plain stupid to automatically exclusively start dating the first woman whom there is a mutual connection with? What I was referring to is someone who say has been talking to a woman, going on dates with her, etc. for many, many months. Like 6 months or longer. I feel like depending upon both of the individuals' schedules obviously 6 months can mean a lot of quality time or a little (depending upon work schedules and other responsiblities). However, for the most part if a lot of quality time has been spent over the past 6 month and this guy is still "keeping his options open" then I think the woman could be led to believe that he is a) just not that into her or b) not ready for a relationship. Either is fine. But would you say this is an accurate assessment? As for the girl that you went out with one time and she freaked out by seeing you with another girl, that is something else entirely. When I start going on a date with a guy, I make it clear that I expect he--and I--to see others. Afterall, we are all on this journey to find God's mate for us. In real-life, obviously everyone in neither Christian nor Catholic, but we are all trying to find the best "fit." Especially if we take marriage seriously. Going on one--or even just a handful of dates--with someone doesn't mean that they should think that you are "theirs." Usually I let the guy bring up the exclusivity thing; if he mentions that he wants to be exclusive and I feel that we have known each other long enough (or at least learned enough about each other) than I will think about it, pray about it, and go from there. However, I would NEVER expect a guy to be exclusive with me after the first date--or first several dates for that matter--unless HE has made it crystal clear. Thanks for your input!

--hide--

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said: Tiffany, First, I would say, I love a woman who speaks her mind. It may not be something...
(Quote) Kahirup-898887 said:

Tiffany,

First, I would say, I love a woman who speaks her mind. It may not be something I would agree on, but definitely something we can discuss and as you put it "lay it on the line."

Second, may I dare ask, "are you suggesting that a man only talks to woman one at a time?" And by "talking" I mean plain and simple communication without the benefit of a commitment. If so, I believe this is counter productive to the quest of finding "The One" meant for each of us. As it is, out of the million potential spouse out there it only takes ONE. It is nothing different from browsing, only with the component of interactive communication.

Third, I think there is a big question on the definition of "dating". Being from a different culture, "dating" to me is a simple getting to know each other without committment nor exclusivity. Having said that, when in the course of dating the two people believe that what they have may potentially lead to marriage, then it is brought to the next level where they become boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusivity and commitment are key ingredients. Keeping one's option open is fair play not until such point of exclusivity and commitment is reached. A player is a person who keeps his/her options open while being in an exclusive relationship. And this is true for both man and woman.

Fourth, I believe the gray zone lies in the "unspoken perception" of what the "dating" people have in their hands. What merely is a "getting to know stage" for one may have been perceived as "we're a couple" in the mind of the other. That said, clarification should be made and to me that is the perfect time for "laying it on the line."

Just my thoughts.

--hide--

Glad to know you don't mind a woman who speaks her mind. :)

There are two different types of dating. There is dating as in going out on casual dates to see how you feel about that person. Then, there is exclusive dating. What I am, and have been, referring to is exclusive dating. This is what is expected after a reasonable amount of time has surpassed. For instance, let's say a guy has been going on casual dates with many women. That is fair. The women has likely been doing the same thing, if she is smart. However, after a period of time, let's say six months of chatting, going out on one date a week, talking on the phone, keeping in touch, learning more and more about each other, etc., the woman eventually begins to wonder if he is looking for anything more than just a "causual date." Often times women will be thrown off by the man's inability to become exclusive because he may have mentioned that he is looking for a "serious relationship" or "something that ultimately leads to marriage" at the beginning of their casual dating. However, if he does not know by a certain point in time, which can ultimately vary depending upon how much time the couple has spent together, then of course she is probably not the one for him. The women tends to be in denial about this and the man typically is too afraid to tell her--fearing he will hurt her feelings.

The better solution would just be to tell her if you are "just not that into her." There are many ways to say it in a diplomatic way. We are ALL adults afterall. The bottom line is that women want to feel like aguy is crazy about her. And I am sure guys want to feel the same way--that a woman is crazy abou him. So let's turn the tables: say you are talking to a woman and going out on dates with her (and other women) for a period of about 6 months. You guys go out once a week, talk on the phone several times a week, all the while you are talking to other women (say 2-3 others). Now, say you decide that you are done talking to others and just want to focus on this one particular woman. You're not sure where it could lead. You certainly are nowhere near thinking she's "the one" but you really just have a special chemistry with this woman. We'll call her Woman A. Well, with typical gender roles being what they are, you would, being the man, ask Woman A to be exclusive. That is, you would have the talk about "not seeing other women" and her "not seeing other men." This is exclusivity. Now say she tells you that she does not feel ready to be exclusive. Wouldn't you feel a bit confused? I mean after ALL that time, wouldn't you wonder WHAT it would take to convince her to go exclusive? Perhaps you would think she is "just not that into you" and wonder how long it has been like that, when did she come to that conclusion, and WHY on Earth did she not cut it off sooner? (Perhaps she liked the free meals?)

Now, as women, since we are typically the ones being asked to go exclusive, after a certain period of time, if we have not been asked, we begin to question a guy's motives. Is he REALLY looking for Ms. Right or is he still in this "figuring it out" stage or "playing the field?" Or is he "just not that into us?" Either option is perfectly fine, although obviously a woman would be upset if she was hoping for something more to turn out from the casual dates. However, it is when we are led to believe that he IS looking for Ms. Right and six months goes by and much time has transpired and he is still just seeing multiple women that we begin to question OUR VALUE TO HIM. This is of course why I always advocate for women (and men) not to put all their eggs into one basket too soon. As Marge previously stated, don't fall in love with him too soon. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Well, just because a woman wants exclusivity after a reasonable amount of time does not mean she has fallen in love. She undoubtedly would have feelings for the guy by this point; if she didn't she'd be a robot. However, it is the exclusivity which allows for the ability to better grow in your knowledge of that person and the compatibility between the individuals. Let's face it--casually dating multiple individuals gets exhausting after a while.

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) David-622846 said: Simple to me then. Tell him to man up or move on. If he doesn't like he's not worth your ...
(Quote) David-622846 said:

Simple to me then. Tell him to man up or move on. If he doesn't like he's not worth your time.

--hide--

David,

I like your straight-forwardness. As we say in Texas, "Cowboy Up."

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

Is that what men say to women when they are not interested......lets be friends????

LOCKED
Mar 3rd 2013 new

(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said: Okay, so I often don't participate too much on public forums. I highly prefer the private,...
(Quote) Tiffiany-902101 said:

Okay, so I often don't participate too much on public forums. I highly prefer the private, women's-only version. However, I feel that for this particular topic I want input from some testosterone counter-parts.

Why is it that men "keep their options open?" I'm not speaking from personal experience per se, but I have heard a lot of women discuss this issue and quite frankly it makes me cringe like the thought of nails on a chalkboard. Personally, I feel it is un-Christ-like to "keep your options open" when you are interested in a woman and completely against the idea of agape love (God's love) to be this way. If you meet someone whom you click well with, are on similar ground in regard to the important issues, and the chemistry is there, then what is the hold up on taking it to the next level? I'm not talking about talking to someone for only a few weeks and then begin the proper exclusive dating relationship; however, many women have discussed issues where they have spoken to guys for months on end (while going on dates with them at the same time). And yet, the guy continues to play the "I'm not ready to commit card." If guys are not ready to commit, then why in the world would they be on a dating website that is based for Catholics? (When the whole idea of Catholicism in regard to dating is that you date to determine if you are compatible for marriage. And then if you are compatible, then you marry.) Now some of these women have met these men elsewhere--in real life or on other dating websites. However, the bottom line is, if a man says he is a Christian--and truly loves God and lives for Him--then "keeping his options open" in my opinion seems a bit like using contraception in effort not to get pregnant because you do not trust God enough to let His Providence and Divine Will occur. To me, this is why there are so many single older women and men--and by older I mean in their mid to late 30's and early 40's. Women have biological clocks. Men need to know this if they don't already. So, why on Earth are they, more often than not, "keeping their options open" if they want a family one day? Don't they know that eventually a woman will not be able to give them children? I just do not get this!

So, men, feel free to enlighten us women with your ideas, opinions, etc.

--hide--


Talking for months on end without a commitment? Well, at that point, the finger pointing can go both ways. If a lady thinks someone’s keeping their options open, and isn’t making her intentions clear, then she has no argument as to why she let this go on so long and hasn’t dropped this type of ‘relationship’ like a sack of cement. Everyone has his/her own timeline. If someone’s not ready to commit, then they just aren’t, but you have to take assessment of where things were headed long before you get to talking to someone for months on end. Then, there are those who just need the proverbial club upside the head with a direct question as to whether they are ready to commit. If you don’t ask, and taking it a step further if a biological clock is part of the equation, you won’t receive. That’s the bottom line. Emotional investment aside during that timeframe of talking/dating for months on end, there’s a four letter word for this situation and it’s called, NEXT but a lady has to set her own timeline up front as to how long she’s going to wait

LOCKED
Posts 21 - 30 of 200