Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
I got my son a book of jokes from 1964.
He uses these two the most:
What do you call a boy cow asleep in the field?
A Bull Dozer!
There is a man in the restaurant. He asks the waiter, "Will my pizza be long?" The waiter says, "No, your pizza will be round."
At Halloween, he always says:
Why was the skeleton scared of everything?
He had no guts!
My usual corny joke:
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To prove he was not chicken!
I got on this ski lift with this guy I didn't know. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word. Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years." I said, "Why did you take such a long time off?" He said, "I was in prison. Want to know why?" I said, "Not really. Well, you better tell me why." He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you."
All the passengers are seated on a plane out on the tarmac and the stewardess announces “we’re just waiting for the pilots.”. The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it’s takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves. In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says “you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die!”