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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Mar 4th 2013 new

I know I have done this a few times. Sometimes it gets to be overwhelming when you're still trying to figure yourself out and then you're trying to figure out someone else's intentions, or even your own intentions. And, honestly, I've found it difficult on this website when I'll be talking to one person and getting to know him well and then someone else starts messaging me. In my experience so far on this site, which isn't much, I've noticed that when I'm getting to know one person and I'm interested, I will apparently "rashly" turn down the other men who begin messaging me. It's difficult to try and keep track of getting to know three different guys as "prospects." So I will let them know if I am talking to someone else seriously or something along those lines, and that we can be friends (if this is considered a rash turn down).

Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Noemi-900477 said: I know I have done this a few times. Sometimes it gets to be overwhelming when you're still t...
(Quote) Noemi-900477 said:

I know I have done this a few times. Sometimes it gets to be overwhelming when you're still trying to figure yourself out and then you're trying to figure out someone else's intentions, or even your own intentions. And, honestly, I've found it difficult on this website when I'll be talking to one person and getting to know him well and then someone else starts messaging me. In my experience so far on this site, which isn't much, I've noticed that when I'm getting to know one person and I'm interested, I will apparently "rashly" turn down the other men who begin messaging me. It's difficult to try and keep track of getting to know three different guys as "prospects." So I will let them know if I am talking to someone else seriously or something along those lines, and that we can be friends (if this is considered a rash turn down).

--hide--


Exactly. It is difficult. hug It is very difficult.

Mar 5th 2013 new

Some years ago I had a few dates with a woman and I told one of my friends about her. It turns out that my friend had a coffee date with her before and she had been a total "cold fish" during the date...one word answers...no questions for him...and just stand offish. When I was hanging out with her she seemed really fine but I couldn't get over the fact that she had been like that with my friend. It just seems uncharitable to meet someone for coffee and be like that. And she wasn't the shy type either.



Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Joseph-903200 said: Some years ago I had a few dates with a woman and I told one of my friends about her. It turns o...
(Quote) Joseph-903200 said:

Some years ago I had a few dates with a woman and I told one of my friends about her. It turns out that my friend had a coffee date with her before and she had been a total "cold fish" during the date...one word answers...no questions for him...and just stand offish. When I was hanging out with her she seemed really fine but I couldn't get over the fact that she had been like that with my friend. It just seems uncharitable to meet someone for coffee and be like that. And she wasn't the shy type either.



--hide--


That is too bad. It is hard to know what the problem was but it is not good to be uncharitable. She sounds like she did not know how to behave on that coffee date... one can look for things to talk abouit and put some effort in. Sometimes women are immature in how they navigate these things.

Mar 5th 2013 new
(Quote) Pat-5351 said: You know I am sure it does happen. I myself don't think I did this. I cannot think of a single man I ever let...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

You know I am sure it does happen. I myself don't think I did this. I cannot think of a single man I ever let pass me by, that could have been something. I don't have any regrets on that score.

--hide--


You very smart and lucky Pat. There's nothing like passing up a nice guy because your pining away for that other creep, and then 6 months later the nice guy brings his new girlfriend to meet you (PS he winds up marrying that nice girl).
Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said:Is there ever a time when a younger woman- will not take the time to get to know a man for no goo...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Is there ever a time when a younger woman- will not take the time to get to know a man for no good reasaon except that she is just too busy or overwhelmed with her own stuff to do? I bet there is. I have had a number of good men approach me over the years and I should have opened a few doors for those men I think.

--hide--

my guess is that this has been done by not only Women but by Men as well. This could be because we develop an image (whether right or wrong) of what we want or what we feel compliments us.

Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:Ladies, if you want a good man, don't play games.
(Quote) Lawrence-943343 said:Ladies, if you want a good man, don't play games.
--hide--

Bow Bow Bow

Mar 5th 2013 new

I suppose it depends on what you consider rash. I'll admit that some of my qualifications for dating probably seem a bit shallow to the men I reject, but they have all proven themselves to be necessary in the past.


For instance, I won't date anyone shorter than me, so any man 5'7" and under is pretty much immediately disqualified. But I do this for the practical reason of how impossible it is to wear heels appropriately with a man shorter than me (slow-dancing becomes suddenly much more a near occasion of sin, for example, when the poor fellow's eyes are at chest level). Also, in the past, I have had very bad experiences with shorter men and control issues. This doesn't mean I think all shorter men are letches and sociopaths, but I'm not willing to swim to the depths of a barrel of bilge watter to find a single pearl when there are plenty of other gems worth seeking.


It's the same with why I won't date men younger than me (with very few exceptions). I'm mature for my age, and even a lot of men older than me aren't mature enough for me, so why on earth would I deliberately date younger? I'll make an exception if the young man proves himself to be capable of intelligent thought and mature action, but it's rarely worth a long dating process to find that out.


It's really just a matter of perspective. I'm not so desperate that I can't be a little picky, you know? I know the kind of man I should be dating, so why would I date somebody who probably won't fit the bill?

Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said: I suppose it depends on what you consider rash. I'll admit that some of my qualifications...
(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said:

I suppose it depends on what you consider rash. I'll admit that some of my qualifications for dating probably seem a bit shallow to the men I reject, but they have all proven themselves to be necessary in the past.


For instance, I won't date anyone shorter than me, so any man 5'7" and under is pretty much immediately disqualified. But I do this for the practical reason of how impossible it is to wear heels appropriately with a man shorter than me (slow-dancing becomes suddenly much more a near occasion of sin, for example, when the poor fellow's eyes are at chest level). Also, in the past, I have had very bad experiences with shorter men and control issues. This doesn't mean I think all shorter men are letches and sociopaths, but I'm not willing to swim to the depths of a barrel of bilge watter to find a single pearl when there are plenty of other gems worth seeking.


It's the same with why I won't date men younger than me (with very few exceptions). I'm mature for my age, and even a lot of men older than me aren't mature enough for me, so why on earth would I deliberately date younger? I'll make an exception if the young man proves himself to be capable of intelligent thought and mature action, but it's rarely worth a long dating process to find that out.


It's really just a matter of perspective. I'm not so desperate that I can't be a little picky, you know? I know the kind of man I should be dating, so why would I date somebody who probably won't fit the bill?

--hide--


I honestly don't mean anything in particular by rash. I think it is upo to each of us to reflect on what we may have to say about the topic. I probably could provide very good reasons for some men I turned down and yet I wonder how they did well later on. Yes men do it too and women do it too. I think the word is useful because it gets people talking.

Mar 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said: I suppose it depends on what you consider rash. I'll admit that some of my qualifications...
(Quote) Elizabeth-942124 said:

I suppose it depends on what you consider rash. I'll admit that some of my qualifications for dating probably seem a bit shallow to the men I reject, but they have all proven themselves to be necessary in the past.


For instance, I won't date anyone shorter than me, so any man 5'7" and under is pretty much immediately disqualified. But I do this for the practical reason of how impossible it is to wear heels appropriately with a man shorter than me (slow-dancing becomes suddenly much more a near occasion of sin, for example, when the poor fellow's eyes are at chest level). Also, in the past, I have had very bad experiences with shorter men and control issues. This doesn't mean I think all shorter men are letches and sociopaths, but I'm not willing to swim to the depths of a barrel of bilge watter to find a single pearl when there are plenty of other gems worth seeking.


It's the same with why I won't date men younger than me (with very few exceptions). I'm mature for my age, and even a lot of men older than me aren't mature enough for me, so why on earth would I deliberately date younger? I'll make an exception if the young man proves himself to be capable of intelligent thought and mature action, but it's rarely worth a long dating process to find that out.


It's really just a matter of perspective. I'm not so desperate that I can't be a little picky, you know? I know the kind of man I should be dating, so why would I date somebody who probably won't fit the bill?

--hide--


I understand your points. They are very good points.

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