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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Mar 7th 2013 new

Mary, if you can afford to keep your CM subscription, I would advise it. You are still young and meeting many people of all kinds of walks and ages and circumstances--that alone is worth the price of the renewal! In addition, I think you could benefit from this exact purpose of the Forum--to talk and share concerns with others of a similar faith, and who can pray with and for you... Praying rose

Finding a mate takes time, and can come at any moment--or not-- eyebrow boggled There are people on CM, who have been here for YEARS (even at your age!), and others, who have been on for only a few weeks and then met someone...Give it some more time...

Most of all, your health should come first! I congratulate you on wanting to shed your extra weight, but do so because YOU want to be healthy NOW and for the FUTURE of your life (like at my age, 60!).

Mary, I looked at your profile photos, and you are a beautiful woman, and it looks like you're really active with hiking, backpacking, outdoor adventures, etc. You've traveled internationally, you're literate and educated, and you have many friends, both male and female. You have sooo much going for you! Seems ot me you're "on the rebound" from your last relationship...Try to enjoy life around you, and for heaven's sake, get rid of the "baggage"-- He isn't giving you mixed messages--he's giving you a clear message---"You're not who I want, but since you want ME, I'll toy with you for my own pleasure.." PLEASE, PLEASE...MOVE ON, LICK YOUR WOUNDS, AND RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO CM..We'll all be here to help fill that void, and God will see you through it. hug

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Mary, my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry that you are involved in this and thinking this way.
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Mary, my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry that you are involved in this and thinking this way.

If you want to "improve" yourself anyway, sure, if it motivates you to think that you can present your skinny self to him, and say, okay here I am, I fulfilled your "requirement" I still love you, now what?"

And if that is all that was ever an issue, know that you will be joining yourself to a man that is probably a might shallow, and that you will have ot make being skinny your top priority or you will be in this same place again, and maybe married to him.

But also be prepared that he still is not going to want to be with you, saying something awful to you like you were too heavy was just the really mean excuse he decided to use.

But as you say, then you know for sure, and finding someone else will be the best "revenge".

I would counsel you to be more guarded of your self with him--why let a man touch or kiss you, if you are just his 'friend?' He is keeping his options open, or even taking advantage of the fact that he knows you love him still.

I get it about not knowing why you love someone, but love is a feeling, and you can control what you do about what you feel.

Protect your heart, my dear Mary!

--hide--


Thank you very much, I don't envy myself either. I really am motivated to lose weight for myself, and I still have such hope for him, that I thought maybe it will be like finally knowing- I can approach it to him as: Let's prove you right! I always told him I never thought it would work, but yeah, I really need to know..I shouldn't let him touch me, or visit him, or him visit me, but I enjoy it, I can't help it, it makes me feel on top of the world- someone mentioned it was an addiction, which I really hope it's not boggled I am trying to protect myself, everytime I begin to heal it feels like I get ripped open again and a renewed fervor to make it work comes up.

I actually had a panic attack when I originally sub'd to CM- it meant he and I were over, for at least 6months. Part of me feels like, now that my sub is ending, I can try him again- but should I let it end, really? I don't know ashamed

Mar 7th 2013 new

Holy CRAP, are you serious?!??!?! You are gorgeous and adorable!! Young lady, don't you dare beg ANYone to date you, let alone a user and abuser like your ex!!! Darn straight you deserve better!!! irked

Not having a date for a long period of time does not make one worthless or unlovable - it simply means you are not getting yourself out there enough. There are TONS of men out there that would see the gem that you are if they met you and got to know you! BELIEVE IT!! wave

I am close enough to you that we can get together and I can see you through this as a big sister - please email me if you need an ear. However, WHATEVER you do, STAY AWAY FROM THE EX!!!!! hissyfit



Mar 7th 2013 new

1. Forget the ex.
2. Take time to get over him.
3. Come back when you've healed and are ready to move on. hug

Mar 7th 2013 new

"but he is seeing another girl currently, telling her we're just friends- which I hate. "


Okay. So, whether she is his girlfriend or not - he is seeing someone else and telling her that you and he are not romantically involved. It does not change my view, or others that are cautioning you to let this one go. You want someone to agree with you, but it's not likely to happen. This relationship - whatever it is - has damaged and is damaging your self-esteem. You are a lovely, charming young woman who does not deserve to be emotionally abused. You are also an adult, and will do what you will. Just sayin'...this ain't good for you. I'm off the soapbox now.


BTW, I do understand your anxiety. I wasted about 4 years of my young adult life on a guy like that before I met and married one of the best men to walk this earth.

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Peter-933860 said: He knows exactly what he's doing to you and it is cruel. No woman should be treated like that...
(Quote) Peter-933860 said:

He knows exactly what he's doing to you and it is cruel. No woman should be treated like that. I think you are more afraid of being single than you are in love with him and that is the reason you can't get over him. Do NOT beg him to take you back. He will have you under his shoe for the rest of your relationship if he takes you back under those conditions. Seriously, stay far away from him.

--hide--


That's the thing, I want him back so much, I would do anything; while we were together, I asked him 3 times for an open relationship, because I knew he was not happy, but I didn't want to give him up. It feels like I would od anything, and I hate that I could be driven to that, but...I mean really, I am good at hiding it, I don't meet men and blurt out "I still have feelings for my ex!" I don't know why, I can't even get one date, it makes it feel hopeless- all I want in life is to be married and have children, nothing else matters so much; and I can't even get a smile back from the guy across the room? I'm just so confused and you're right, I hate being single- I don't want to have any more experiences without my future/husband by my side, I feel like I'd rather sit and wait...

Mar 7th 2013 new

Dear Mary:

I agree with Beverly. It's called The Cicle of Abuse. Research a bit on it, and you will find the Red Flags. He is psychologically abusing you. He will always find something wrong with you.

You - as we all do, men and women - are meant to have a spouse who will treat us as we are: vessels of the Holy Spirit. YES, you should have a man who texts you every morning or night when you are courting! Romance is part of the first stages of courtship that may lead to marriage.

We are not baby making machines. Making LOVE is a holy experience where God is an essential part of. In that, the couple may or may not have babies. Nevertheless, the LOVE from that Holy Union will encompass not only the couple's life, but all around them.

I'll tell you how I see it. Remember the meteor that fell in Russia around Ash Wendsday? Not only did it create a crater; it sent an expansion wave that blasted many far from it.

Imagine your love - as a holy couple - donating to each other on the Altar Bed, renewing your vows in lovemaking, and sending HIS Love and Power of Creation around???

Oh, girl... you have SO MUCH to offer! I don't need to read your profile to KNOW that you have a sensitive soul. Don't leave CM. There are many who will offer their prayers ans support in these trying times.

hug Mari

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: My subscription is coming to an end, and I'm not sure to renew or not. I have had one date in ...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:

My subscription is coming to an end, and I'm not sure to renew or not. I have had one date in the 6months I have been here. Further, I still love my ex very much and I can't shake the feeling that I will for awhile- he was my first serious boyfriend. I am thinking I will just leave CM a bit and beg for him back I really thought maybe I'd meet someone who could help me get over him, someone who would like to romance a little. I don't need a lot, I've never received jewelry or flowers, I don't expect good morning txts or birthday cards, or candlelit dinners- just someone who likes adventure, and goes to church, who wants to make me smile and would trust me to raise his children. I don't understand why it's so hard for me...before my ex, I hadn't had a single date in 7 years, I don't get it I used to be confident, but the last few years I feel so...not confident. So, yeah, I'm thinking about asking (more like begging) for him back, which would require me to lose about 50lbs- those were his terms when we broke up almost a year ago.

I really wish things were different for me- I don't want to give up on him, but I also don't want to give up on the hope that maybe I deserve better. I don't know what to do...my subscription ends in one week

P.S. getting upset about my anxiety over this makes me feel like a stupid little girl..

--hide--
There is a huge potential for disaster if you are looking for someone to replace or help you get over someone from a previous relationship. Perhaps this has been the reason for your perceived lack of success in dating. If you are seeking someone new, you should be ready for a relationship, not rely upon someone to help you get over someone else. It's not fair to the new fellow who would be in your life -- he'd be walking in your former boyfriend's shadow.

As far as your former friend is concerned, sometimes you just can't go back. Ask yourself what were the reasons you split up in the first place? Was it something that he did, or was it something about his personality that didn't sit well with you? If it's a personality flaw or fault, are you now willing to openly accept it, realizing he can't or won't change? You mentioned the weight situation, but it would seem to be something deeper than that. Let's face it -- physical appearances change with age and circumstances. Why isn't he willing to accept you for who you are? If it's solely the weight issue, it is superficial.

Your self-esteem has suffered and that needs to be strengthened so you can be at your best. Comfortable in your own skin, as they say.

Begging someone to take you back automatically puts you in an inferior position (unless it was something drastic that you did which doesn't seem to be the case). If that happens, what else will follow in the line of demands?

If you step back, just ask yourself if he is really worth it; does he really deserve you? And....do you deserve better?

The answers you come up with will influence your CM renewal decision.

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: Mary, if you can afford to keep your CM subscription, I would advise it. You are still young an...
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

Mary, if you can afford to keep your CM subscription, I would advise it. You are still young and meeting many people of all kinds of walks and ages and circumstances--that alone is worth the price of the renewal! In addition, I think you could benefit from this exact purpose of the Forum--to talk and share concerns with others of a similar faith, and who can pray with and for you...

Finding a mate takes time, and can come at any moment--or not-- There are people on CM, who have been here for YEARS (even at your age!), and others, who have been on for only a few weeks and then met someone...Give it some more time...

Most of all, your health should come first! I congratulate you on wanting to shed your extra weight, but do so because YOU want to be healthy NOW and for the FUTURE of your life (like at my age, 60!).

Mary, I looked at your profile photos, and you are a beautiful woman, and it looks like you're really active with hiking, backpacking, outdoor adventures, etc. You've traveled internationally, you're literate and educated, and you have many friends, both male and female. You have sooo much going for you! Seems ot me you're "on the rebound" from your last relationship...Try to enjoy life around you, and for heaven's sake, get rid of the "baggage"-- He isn't giving you mixed messages--he's giving you a clear message---"You're not who I want, but since you want ME, I'll toy with you for my own pleasure.." PLEASE, PLEASE...MOVE ON, LICK YOUR WOUNDS, AND RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO CM..We'll all be here to help fill that void, and God will see you through it.

--hide--


Thank you that's really helpful, I know you're right, I just can't tear myself away..

I DO go out and try to meet people, I go out to social events, I went to a CAtholic dance recently, not a single bite...I go to local tours and artisan shows, and historic sites and jazz concerts and a bars and lounges of course and nobody ever says hi. I'd understand if I were just sitting in the corner frowning, but I dont, I get up and smile at people and make commentary and chitchat and nothing works to meet anybody..

It feels like it's all I have sometimes, you know, I've been out of work for a year, foreclosing soon, I hate living where I do (the entire area is horrible) I'm kind of depressed, I try to enjoy things but it's hard without him (or, him that he used to be, before he became a jerk)

I would have to ask my mom for the renewal...I know she would in a heartbeat, the original subscription was a birthday present, and she hates seeing me like this. I hate to ask her for it, though yeah, I know she definitely would..

Mar 7th 2013 new

(Quote) Mary-583970 said: That's the thing, I want him back so much, I would do anything; while we were together...
(Quote) Mary-583970 said:



That's the thing, I want him back so much, I would do anything; while we were together, I asked him 3 times for an open relationship, because I knew he was not happy, but I didn't want to give him up. It feels like I would od anything, and I hate that I could be driven to that, but...I mean really, I am good at hiding it, I don't meet men and blurt out "I still have feelings for my ex!" I don't know why, I can't even get one date, it makes it feel hopeless- all I want in life is to be married and have children, nothing else matters so much; and I can't even get a smile back from the guy across the room? I'm just so confused and you're right, I hate being single- I don't want to have any more experiences without my future/husband by my side, I feel like I'd rather sit and wait...

--hide--
Please Mary, don't measure your value in the number of dates you get or in how many men smiles at you. You say that you want to be married and have children, but have you considered that it might not be what God want you to do?

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