Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
Sweetie, you are enough. Some man is going to see your sparkle and you will be so glad you waited. I struggle with those same issues in terms of confidence and hitting that age where I am invisible, but you, my friend, are not.
You of all women, Linda, are not invisible either! Chelle
I am sorry to hear about you are going through this. In my humble opinion, your ex- boyfriend could have sexually issues related to his childhood and a kind of mental disorder very common in this days. Probabably, he would need professional help so, in this case your weight is not the problem.
In another hand, you are beautiful (beauty come from inside),smart, sensitive, young lady who need to move on in your life. Please, look for medical and spiritual help without spending money and go back close to your family and friends. See what you did in CM! Yo have a lot of people trying to help you. Time is your best friend and little by little you will see things from different perspective.
Meanwhile, we will continue praying for your. Prayers are the most powerfull support any person could have.
I've never posted on forums before but I felt like I had to jump in because my heart goes out to you. I agree with a lot of what was said before, and here are my thoughts: Maybe try counseling for the depression, like Al suggested? And I understand your frustration with trying to meet people on and offline, and the desire to get married/have kids. But (and sorry if I'm preachy, haha) only God can ever fulfill you. You are gold, and infinitely valuable to him. And this ex boyfriend is treating you like dirt, and you need to cut ties with him. I know how hard it is when your mind and heart clash, and I know us women attach ourselves emotionally very easily (I've learned this the hard way :-p) and the closer you get the harder it is to unattach, especially when so many small things bring them to mind, etc. But you need to, for your own sake. Rely on God and work on your relationship with Christ, try to get involved in your parish and pour yourselves into the lives of others (this has helped me when I feel lonely, I'm trying to take my own advice too (;. It sounds like your dad needs you, and I'm sure you're an awesome daughter. And maybe take Michelle up on her offer to get together? (You rock, Michelle). And as Dan said, you need to get to the point where you're confident and OK with being single (I know that's hard too since society, and even the church to a point, promotes marriage/relationships). But above all use your value to God as a lens for making decisions, including contact with your ex. Try to wait for the guy who will see how awesome you are. Not sure if I can give you advice about whether to renew on CM, but it appears there are some awesome and godly people on here that can support you. Let me know if you need a shoulder, and I'll be praying for you.
Mary, I agree with what Joy has said. She has some really good advice for you here. And remember, your ex is most likely never going to change. Would you really be happy forever with someone who treated you in this way? The Lord wants more than that for you, and you should want more than that for yourself. You deserve it! You are a great person, and the right guy will truly love you for who you are.
P.S.: It might be a good idea to take up the offers of help from CM members like Joy, and especially those in your area like Michelle whom you can meet in person. And if you need a male perspective, I'm here to listen (and offer advice if you wish).
My subscription is coming to an end, and I'm not sure to renew or not. I have had one date in the 6months I have been here. Further, I still love my ex very much and I can't shake the feeling that I will for awhile- he was my first serious boyfriend. I am thinking I will just leave CM a bit and beg for him back I really thought maybe I'd meet someone who could help me get over him, someone who would like to romance a little. I don't need a lot, I've never received jewelry or flowers, I don't expect good morning txts or birthday cards, or candlelit dinners- just someone who likes adventure, and goes to church, who wants to make me smile and would trust me to raise his children. I don't understand why it's so hard for me...before my ex, I hadn't had a single date in 7 years, I don't get it I used to be confident, but the last few years I feel so...not confident. So, yeah, I'm thinking about asking (more like begging) for him back, which would require me to lose about 50lbs- those were his terms when we broke up almost a year ago.
I really wish things were different for me- I don't want to give up on him, but I also don't want to give up on the hope that maybe I deserve better. I don't know what to do...my subscription ends in one week
P.S. getting upset about my anxiety over this makes me feel like a stupid little girl..
Mary- Here is a link to a newsletter and blog that may give you some help. You need some education as to what is considered abuse.
I did cowgirl up and told him so when I broke up with him- ehhh, it didn't really work for me...it's just gotten worse..
And she's not his girlfriend, they haven't even held hands or anything, just gone on 3 dates and TXT each other some (we dated for 8months before a first kiss- he moves slow). He's not sure he wants to keep seeing her, I was thinking of talking to him about this if he decides to stop seeing her...I am scared of the same pattern happening, but I can be very patient. Of all my friends I see who have married men who won't allow them to drive, who hit them, who emotionally abuse their kids, or had arranged marriages or otherwise aren't close at all....I have so many friends like that, and they make it work- I think I could definitely make this work, I just wish I didn't have to be proactive one.
" Of all my friends I see who have married men who won't allow them to drive, who hit them, who emotionally abuse their kids, or had arranged marriages or otherwise aren't close at all....I have so many friends like that, and they make it work- I think I could definitely make this work, I just wish I didn't have to be proactive one."
This is extremely unhealthy thinking. I went into a marriage thinking the same way... WRONG! It will destroy your life. This is not what God wants for you. He wants you to be perfectly yoked. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who is not. As hard as it is and I truly know how hard it is, you need to cut the chord completely and focus on healing. If he would marry you because you begged for him to and you have children you will be tied to this type of treatment and emotional hell the rest of your life.
Looking at your profile, you have so very much to offer. This man has slowly eroded your self confidence and self esteem...run don't walk away. Believe me you will get over the need you feel for him and once you have your self esteem back you will look back and think "why the heck did I allow someone to do that to me"? Yes, he can be loving and charming acting but if he doesn't love you for who Mary is then he isn't the one for you. Many people take what they can get away with, that is why he keeps coming back. People like this will never be the ones to walk away...why should they? You need to be the strong one for yourself. This has nothing to do with your weight. I have a gorgeous son and he just married an overweight gal and he loves her dearly. When you truly love someone you see the beauty of their heart and soul and they become the most beautiful person in the world to you. God bless you and give you the grace and strength you need